To think people who drink alcohol around their children are shit parents

[Yesitsweird]

I have a 10 year old child. I noticed over the summer some of her peers seemed to be spending a lot of time in pubs (adult ones!) where their parents would go and sit outside, both get pissed and the child would play or go on a device for hours. My child went to a sleepover at a friend's on a friday night, and the parents took them both to the pub and did this! I was annoyed as no way would I have said yes if I'd known this was the plan.

I view all parents who do this very dimly, I assume they are alcoholics or have other issues. But it' not really that different to both parents getting pissed at home while the child is upstairs really, is it? I feel revolted by the dependence on alcohol so. many parents have and the impact this has on their children, but it's hard to discuss it with other parents as so many do it!

Am I alone in thinking this?

YABU - It's fine
YANBU - Parents shouldn't be getting pissed while looking after their children.

The way you defend it gives away your protectio of wanting to drink around kids when you shouldn’t because they don’t like it

Okaaaaaay.

No. I think equating someone who enjoys a glass of wine on occasion with an alcoholic makes you a bit of a wanker.

Nothing about defending anyone. If you can’t drink a glass without becoming an alcoholic then that’s a you problem. For most people, it’s pretty normal.

My parents used to drink around us when I was a child and I hated it. I would quite happily ban alcohol or at least heavily restrict it, it does nothing good for society.

This is a bit weird.

2 drinks does not make most west europeans drunk.

Its not unusual to have a big sunday roast with relatives and drink a glass or two with the meal, no one is pissed.

I think part of the issue is you are mischaracterising british pubs. They are a rather unique leisure space that are more like an extension of homes/community spaces.

People in the uk dont solely go to pubs to get drunk. They go because:

• its a bigger space to meet friends in if your home isnt huge.
• pubs almost always serve food, coffee, snacks etc.
• they are often family friendly, with board games & play equipment in the garden, & darts/pool/skittles that appeal to teens
• they are a community hub in many villages & small towns. If i go in either of my local pubs, there's always someone i know in there & always children my kids know too. And i dont even go there regularly!

I dont recognise that at all.my parents usually had a glass of wine with an evening meal or sunday lunch & it didnt have any noticeable effect on either of them, it didnt bother me in the slightest. My father would tell us about the wine, where it was from & what the grape was & what it went with food wise.

People can drink soft drinks or zero alcoholic beer, cider, wine, Guiness, lagers. It does not have to be alcoholic, there are lots of choices

Our local pubs have regular public events like quizzes, fireworks, birthday parties, fund raisers, hobby groups

Catch up on local gossip, meet friends

There are the odd people who drink too much alcohol, but they are in the minority

I can't vote.

First reply was spot on.

YABVU to respond to your title question.

Obviously everyone will vote YANBU if they respond to the choice at the end of your OP.

I don't understand why there are regularly threads on MN from posters who seem to think you can't have an alcoholic drink without getting drunk.

I think people have a negative opinion especially so when there’s been history. Some speak fondly of kicking around pubs when they were young with a bag of crisps and a coke.

I can’t speak fondly of that, because it happened every single night. Every school night was spent in a pub. The alcohol took over. My dad would drive us home. No money, no clean clothes, and eventually, no dad.

HOWEVER

Im sure as a one off it’s probably be fun enough with a pal. But being invited for a sleepover… I’m not sure that’s what my expectations would be.

I think that tongue in cheek comment went right over your head.

Not secretly as you have announced it on MN

I see this daily, parents sitting drinking and scrolling on their phones whilst ignoring their children who are glued to screens.

No not in a pub, a cafe. The parents are drinking coffee.

Have a drink? Fine

Get drunk around your kids? Not fine (obviously worse if it’s both parents but still unacceptable if only one)

Have a drink (any amount) when other people’s children are staying over? Not ok - at least one parent should have had zero alcohol, and the other (if there is another) not much

So a glass of wine with dinner is out?

Are you acquainted with CabbageMerchant’s children? Have they personally shared their likes and dislikes with you? No? Then don’t presume.

Looking at the post I’m not sure it was tongue in cheek…. That’s the issue
no laughing emoji or anything to indicate a joke
and I don’t find stuff like that funny
kids with parent who drink all the time (I’m not talking about a glass of wine with dinner) but all the time it DOES have a negative affect on them
this is the reality

I grew up very working class and my mum and stepdad spent all weekend either at the pub or at friends houses getting pissed. I absolutely detested it. They’d literally be out till very very late at night and I’d be begging to go home but be told “after the next one”. These weren’t always family pubs either with a playground so I’d just have to sit there bored shitless, obviously no screens then to occupy myself with… THAT is shit parenting.

I don’t think it’s the same as me having a few glasses of red of an evening when we’re all watching TV together.

You just sound as though you’re lacking a few brain cells.

The difference is that an adult can make a choice to put toxins of any kind into their body - they’re an adult, that’s their choice. However, smoking passes to everyone in the immediate area and spreads those toxins to them too, which is not the choice of the other people being forced to inhale them. Alcohol doesn’t do this. I can’t believe this needs to be explained to you.

Adults genuinely drunk in charge of children = not ok. The scenario you’re describing though, it’s unlikely anyone actually did this, and you just have a deep rooted issue with alcohol of any volume in any circumstance and can’t see the difference.

YANBU. This country has a massive problem with alcohol though, so the results will be biased!

It took you eleven attempts at reclarifying your point 😵‍💫

Perhaps you should delete the thread, start again and say what you really mean? The thread title is not it nor is the opening post and it will get you pages and pages of replies that don't address what you are saying...

... Which I think is (although frankly still not entirely sure) :

"being drunk when in charge of children (or even in sight of children) is irresponsible"

Is that what you mean?

What you're not understanding is that "having a drink" is not the same as "getting drunk".

Sorry this is nonsense.

I think the OP is being hyperbolic about alcohol and I don’t agree that alcohol should never be consumed around children.

But I do think people playing up the idea of teaching children to drink normally are lying to themselves. I was brought up on this bullshit idea of “continental drinking” (a bit of wine with a meal like the French, bla bla bla). It was basically a plausible cover story for heavy drinking.

Any kind of normalisation of alcohol teaches children that alcohol is central to their lives.

I do think there is an over reliance on alcohol (mainly by Gen X age range, soz) that is the idea most social events must involve it. I drink but not regularly and that has meant groups of friends now don’t include me in stuff because they are uncomfortable with me not drinking much when they are. I’m ok with them drinking btw! I just don’t much anymore as hate hangovers. But I have noticed a LOT of defensiveness by people who enjoy a drink, even people I meet who don’t know me well enough to know how much I drink. Like “I like a few glasses of wine, I mean, I’m not an alcoholic… ha! But etc etc”. In terms of parenting, if you are in charge of kids, you need to be below drink-driving level imo.

If you don’t drink you notice it more.
DS has a few friends who are pretty well off, they would be considered new MC. I personally think they drink too much around the children and talk about alcohol a lot. Wine o clock.
I sometimes wonder if they have a drinking problem due to their lifestyle with lots of holidays and fun times out.
I half expect them to bring a gin to the children’s Saturday football match. It’s normalised.
WC people in the past drank a lot around the children but seem to have left the bad habit behind as it wasn’t a joyous time having a drunk parent.

Can you quote the evidence? Like a like to it because I suspect theres nuances to that.

Because if children have been around their parents drunk and then see them have one i accept of course the association would lead to uncertainty and discomfort. And I dont think you can get drunk in front of children and then wind it back to 1 or 2 with food and expect that to undo the feelings youve already made them feel unsettled

But if youve never seen someone in your family drunk, seeing someone drink a glass of wine or can of beer isnt different to a coffee or pop.

Agree your title is ridiculous- it’s people sho drink regularly/ get drunk/ think a pub as a regular occurrence for anything other than a meal is a good thing!

(Laughing here though, I bought drink 2 months ago for a nice sit down at night with a good movie without the kids being about and haven’t got there yet😅)