To think people who drink alcohol around their children are shit parents

[Yesitsweird]

I have a 10 year old child. I noticed over the summer some of her peers seemed to be spending a lot of time in pubs (adult ones!) where their parents would go and sit outside, both get pissed and the child would play or go on a device for hours. My child went to a sleepover at a friend's on a friday night, and the parents took them both to the pub and did this! I was annoyed as no way would I have said yes if I'd known this was the plan.

I view all parents who do this very dimly, I assume they are alcoholics or have other issues. But it' not really that different to both parents getting pissed at home while the child is upstairs really, is it? I feel revolted by the dependence on alcohol so. many parents have and the impact this has on their children, but it's hard to discuss it with other parents as so many do it!

Am I alone in thinking this?

YABU - It's fine
YANBU - Parents shouldn't be getting pissed while looking after their children.

My parents were both heavily involved with the local sports club weekends when I was a kid ( a million years ago) Dad played cricket and mum was helping with the teas. I have great memories of roaming free on the various playing fields with the other kids while our parents drank and had a great social evening every Saturday. I’m sure it was highly irresponsible but I’m kind of sad that freedom no longer exists. The only rule was don’t walk on the bowling green or do handstands on the wicket 🤣

Ahhh you’re one of those rare perfect parents OP.
As a family we walk a lot. On a nice day we’ll sometimes walk to the pub. DD’s best friend lives there so we will have a pint while she plays with her bestie. Then on the way home we’ll stop at the next pub as DS works there and DD knows everyone and loves the attention she gets. We sit and talk and have quality family time, then stroll home for more quality family time. And shock horror, I might even have a cigarette or two while there. DD is the youngest of 4. My older kids don’t drink or smoke and one of them is an A&E nurse so I can’t have done them much harm bringing them up nipping to the pub and having a fag now and again.

People who neglect their children expose them drinking culture that you describe are not being reasonable. That's obvious.
But there is a big difference between that sort of negligence and having parents who have a glass of wine with Sunday dinner and maybe the odd drink of an evening.
Having grown up in France, seeing adults drink with their meals does not make all children either traumatised or alcoholics.
At my school, teachers had bottles of local red wine on the table in their section of the school canteen. Somehow we all survived the experience.
Let's calm down a bit with the judgement.

Thats not true. Where did you read that????

We went out for supper this evening. We had a glass of champagne each. DH also had a glass of wine. No, we are not shit parents.

But smoking around children is shit parenting because the smoke affects the kids directly by being the the same room.

Alcohol does not seep into one’s children from across the living room and provided you remain able to care for your children, you can have a glass of wine!

Unclench

I think its unreasonable to say people shouldnt drink in front of children. I think seeing parents with a healthy relationship with alcohol can be positive.

BUT 2 drinks in a beer garden while kids pay or drink at Sunday dinner with family is very different to "pissed" around them. Of course being drunk in charge of kids is inappropriate.

As always its about moderation and safety

Have to say it but I do tend to agree. What is the need for alcohol with children around? Why can't they relax and have a nice time without alcohol involved.

My parents don't drink, so obviously never drank infront of us. And I grew up to be 100% teetotal. When I had my daughter I was pretty shocked so many people see kids activities as an excuse for a piss up.

Depends. I had a glass of wine with my evening meal. DD was there. I’m not drunk. I don’t see the issue. It’s not like I got out a crack pipe.

If we go to something like a barbecue one of me or DH will stick to soft drinks, and the other might have a couple of wines or beers.

But yes, those who sit in a pub getting their wasted with their kids are bad parents, obviously.

A small glass of wine with a dinner is very different to neglectful behaviour and drinking irresponsibly.

I don’t agree with taking DC to the pub, not a great environment for them.

Doesn't it depend on the type of pub? A gastro pub for example is vastly different from a boozer full of dockers

Were your parents called Bridget and Eamon by any chance?

I agree with you, OP. But mumsnet is full of women with middle class drinking problems, who are in denial.

Yes eg if it’s a Sunday lunch spot, the family going in to eat a meal, agree it’s different from going in to a pub to drink with DC tagging along.

Do my children see me drunk? No, I have only been drunk twice since I had conceived my daughter and she is 6. Once was at a works event and I was away, the other time was at my brother in law's wedding and my daughter was being looked after by grandparents for the night. Neither occasion was being out of control drunk and whilst I wouldn't have done it with my children around there was nothing that I did that would have been inappropriate for them to have seen. Mostly sat in a bar with colleagues and friends telling amusing stories and catching up with life. I left long before silly hour occured around 3 am, I have always been a Cinderella and been in bed by midnight sort of person.

Do my children see me have a drink? Yes, some are alcoholic and some look alcoholic but are actually alcohol free or very low alcohol. I like the taste but with a 12m old and a 6yo it's not practical to drink. I won't drive if I have had anything to drink at all so if there is any risk I might need to drive I don't drink. I also some nights cosleep with the 12m old so don't drink if I think there's a risk of that and my 6 year old was a terrible sleeper until 5. I do enjoy a cold lager with a curry or sitting in front of a film with G&T so I have alcohol free lagers and flavoured tonics. Fizzy wine is probably the only thing that I always have the real deal but we bought 8 bottles of our favourites last Christmas (on offer) and still have 5 of the them! We have a rule in our house that if we have a drink with our evening meal on a Friday or Saturday our daughter can also have a glass of fruit juice. She normally only has water, oat milk or prescription milkshakes.

We like to go on walks in the countryside, often we stop at a pub for half a pint and share a bowl of chips. My daughter loves being part of it, having a drink with ice and sitting in a beer garden watching the world go by with all of us or having long discussions about life.

As with everything with parenting it is far from as simple as if you do this you are a shit parent. There is so much more nuance in life. I don't believe the way we drink around our children makes us shit parents. We try on approach most things in life with balance. We are not perfect, we don't get things right all of the time but we are human. We want our children to grow up knowing that we have wants and needs to and that if you are careful and considerate you can fit in your needs around the needs of those around you without causing harm.

I don’t think you’ll get agreement on here OP because so many parents drink so will not admit it, but it’s been shown clearly many times that children don’t like it when parents drink at all - they can tell the difference in the parent and it unsettles them - even one drink

drives me mad when I see families in the pub on beautiful days instead of the park and playground

I think most parents learn pretty quickly after the first time they wake up with a hangover and a nappy to sort, that their days of being that drunk again are behind them.

Responsible parents teach their children to drink responsibily by showing them that you can have a couple of drinks and not get drunk or behave inappropriately.
Oh and drinking alcohol can have some health benefits.
Also sitting with someone having a couple of drinks at the weekend is normal British life for kids

Absolutely this!

You must be living in a rough community to be seeing parents getting pissed in beer gardens with their kids. They might have a pint with their food but ive never seen parents getting pissed in ome with their kids.

Oh give over. As a “daughter of an alcoholic” surely you must know that enjoying a drink or two doesn’t equal alcoholism. It’s far more complicated and nuanced than that. And if you don’t know that then 1. You need to wise up and 2. You ought to start educating yourself.

I think that’s the way middle classes condone it - the evidence is children do not like the change in parents when they’ve had a drink - even one - it unsettles them - it doesn’t matter if it’s done with a roast dinner sitting next to the glass and some good decor

So how do all the European kids cope then?

If you don't drink why are you spending so much time in pubs watching families and noting how much each person drinks?