To think people who drink alcohol around their children are shit parents

[Yesitsweird]

I have a 10 year old child. I noticed over the summer some of her peers seemed to be spending a lot of time in pubs (adult ones!) where their parents would go and sit outside, both get pissed and the child would play or go on a device for hours. My child went to a sleepover at a friend's on a friday night, and the parents took them both to the pub and did this! I was annoyed as no way would I have said yes if I'd known this was the plan.

I view all parents who do this very dimly, I assume they are alcoholics or have other issues. But it' not really that different to both parents getting pissed at home while the child is upstairs really, is it? I feel revolted by the dependence on alcohol so. many parents have and the impact this has on their children, but it's hard to discuss it with other parents as so many do it!

Am I alone in thinking this?

YABU - It's fine
YANBU - Parents shouldn't be getting pissed while looking after their children.

You are being unreasonable to assume all people in the pub with their kids are getting drunk or somehow neglecting them.

I had my kids in the pub with us recently- we'd visited a castle, then gone to Tunbridge Wells to eat in this old opera theatre pub (the kids loved the tables on the stage!), and then we took them to go climbing on the natural rocks in the park nearby.

If you were judging us for our one glass of wine at lunch with our meals while we were sat with our kids I think you really need to find another hobby. I agree some shit parents are alcoholics and drag their kids to the pub, sure. But I feel like modelling occasional healthy drinking (never drunk, never the driver) around our children is a good thing.

But they are exposed to your drunken behaviour and that of others.

Is it ok to sit on a park bench and watch your kids play with a fag? I would judge someone doing that

Smoking isn’t the same because passive smoking can have a direct, harmful effect on the child’s health.

A child sat next to a parent drinking a pint isn’t having their physical health harmed.

There’s a world of difference between a couple of pints on a Friday evening while the kids play on the park or we play cards together than a parent 8 pints in while their kid watches a screen. The first is no issue, the second is.

I've never been massively bothered about drinking. But if I do it's on a night out with friends etc. I would never, ever get drunk while looking after my children, no matter how middle class the surroundings.

Last weekend I walked past a pub. At a table were a ten year old (guessing) with a tablet and wearing headphones. At the table were her parent(s) and 3-4 other adults all drinking beer and cider.

This is not parenting where you treat your child as an inconvenience

That's what I mean and I find it so sad and awful. What a sad way to spend your life aged 10

So basically all southern European countries entirely consist of shit parents?

You are clearly not talking about people who get paraletic while looking after your kids - which is, indeed, shit parenting.

Having a civilized drink is normal. Treating a glass of wine or a pint as one might treat a shot of heroin is bizarre and weird.

Some of my best memories in the 70s was sitting outside the pub with a bottle of coke and a bag of crisps. We always had wine at special meals and the weekend, ditto with my kids. We’ve all had very healthy relationships with alcohol.

I actually wouldnt care if they were outdoors and away from the children, what do you thinks going to happen?

You seem to judge a lot of people for a lot of things... maybe says more about you than the people having a couple of sociable drinks with friends and families. Can see why you dont get invited 😂

Of course nobody should be getting plastered in charge of young kids. But modelling sensible occasional consumption in a social situation is absolutely fine in most western cultures and society seems to be managing.

more broadly I worry this level of control and judgment of others may affect your family in ways you haven’t considered.

I'm saying that the boundaries are more blurred than this. It's not one parent having 150ml of expensive wine with lunch, it's often both parents sinking a bottle of wine each while the child is just left

What difference would it make if child was on its tablet at home or on a bus? Parents are allowed adult conversation/ socialising with friends.

What ways might those be?

You are on the attack immediately, why is that?

You can think what you like obviously, but I would say your view is an extreme one for the culture in which you live.

That is different to just going to the pub to socialise. Bottle of wine is quite a lot to consume in one sitting.

So you can't imagine any situation where its ok to model sensible drinking with children?

A toast at a wedding? No champagne because think of the poor children!

No glass of wine at Christmas dinner/grandmas 80th because the poor kids will be scarred for life of they see mum sip a glass of wine?

You are being ridiculous. Its probably healthier for kids to see parents having a drink, in moderation in a social setting and learn adults know their limitations, then to never, ever see healthy drinking and then be let loose in surroundings with alcohol once 18

OP people are saying that there’s a difference between being drunk around kids and having one or two drinks with a meal or at a pub with the kids playing in the garden. And then you respond with:

“they are exposed to your drunken behaviour”

“I would never, ever get drunk while looking after my children, no matter how middle class the surroundings.”

Do you accept that it’s possible to drink some alcohol without getting drunk?

Of course I accept that, but that isn't what I'm really seeing. The kids I'm describing sat in the pub are with both parents who are drinking heavily and pissed. They would describe it as 'going for 1 quick drink at the pub' but that isn't what it actually is. They are actually drinking to get drunk and the child is an inconvience they have to bring with them. So when people say 'oh so you are against 1 parent out of two having a single mulled wine at a christmas market - no I'm obviously not appalled by that. But people seem to use this as an example as why it's completely fine to drink around kids. And I don't think it is.

So I suppose to distill down to what I mean - drinking solely for the purpose of drinking while with a child is not OK IMO. So going to an adult only pub to see friends with a child in tow is grim.

You seem to be hanging out in pubs a lot yourself then. Otherwise it is hard to imagine where you would get this highly detailed knowledge of what, how much and how often parents are drinking there.

How do you know, you mention multiple of your childs peers parents doing this over the summer, but how do you know they are all 'pissed'? Were you there witnessing this or assuming?

Well that depends how much I'm drinking doesn't it. I have never been drunk in front of my children, but they've seen me drink a pint of beer or a glass of wine on occasion. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

In Europe, they don’t drink until they are pissed, legless, scream random things at people

Shit parents are people who have never had a drink with their teenagers. Even if they never drink alcohol, they should do a responsible thing and introduce alcohol to their teenagers. Because someone else very likely will. And it will be less controlled and safe environment than parents can provide.
You can teach them rules. You don't drink when sad or depressed. You don't drink to fix your mood. You don't drink and cycle. Etc.
Also so their kids know that it's not something their parents are too crazy and judgy about and would not keep it as a secret, if they'll drink. You know, at uni, for example.
Many teens wanted to try Korean chicken and beer when k-drama was a thing, for example. How is that wrong?

Are all muslim parents shit parents then? 😕

I don't think there's anything wrong with moderately or lightly drinking in front of your kids.
To drink but try and say you don't wouldn't work. And they say that it's healthy to show drink with meals lightly is fine. Otherwise they might discover binge drinking and secretive drinking if they're family demonised it too much.

My dad drank daily, I never saw him drunk. He had maybe two-4 mild lagers. My mum never really did though.

He smoked a lot though and I think that was worse in terms of influence. As you get used to the smell and it's linked with comforting rather than gross when it's associated with your dad relaxing, his presence, cuddles smelling a bit of smoke etc.