To think people who drink alcohol around their children are shit parents

[Yesitsweird]

I have a 10 year old child. I noticed over the summer some of her peers seemed to be spending a lot of time in pubs (adult ones!) where their parents would go and sit outside, both get pissed and the child would play or go on a device for hours. My child went to a sleepover at a friend's on a friday night, and the parents took them both to the pub and did this! I was annoyed as no way would I have said yes if I'd known this was the plan.

I view all parents who do this very dimly, I assume they are alcoholics or have other issues. But it' not really that different to both parents getting pissed at home while the child is upstairs really, is it? I feel revolted by the dependence on alcohol so. many parents have and the impact this has on their children, but it's hard to discuss it with other parents as so many do it!

Am I alone in thinking this?

YABU - It's fine
YANBU - Parents shouldn't be getting pissed while looking after their children.

My parents gave me alcohol at an early age. Have a photo of me aged 2.5 drinking wine in a liquor glass.

I never got drunk as a teen as I appreciated my alcohol.

But you have no idea what they have done the rest of the day or month. Half an hour of watching something on an iPad or playing a game is not bad if they’ve just spent the morning being active in the park or visiting attractions etc. Parents don’t need to be full on 100% of the time

I think you’re mixing up alcoholics who neglect their kids with people socialising and including their kids in this. It’s a bit sad that you feel like this but people who are confident in their parenting won’t really care what other people think so crack on judging I suppose. I’ve had Sunday roasts in pubs with my friends and all our children where we’ve shared bottles of wine and had great afternoons. All our kids are well rounded successful people who still enjoy socialising with us. If that’s not your thing then so be it. Horses for courses.

Depends how often and how much they drink.

I think there’s nuance here. 10 year olds playing in a country pub garden while adults have a couple of drinks isn’t a problem for me. 2 year olds and this would be problematic.
Both parents clearly can’t be “drunk” drunk and in charge of a child though.
I never drank in front of the children when they were very young, once over 10 I don’t find it so bad. But I don’t get drunk.

I wouldn’t sit in judgement of other parents but I also wouldn’t drink or use any other mood or mind altering substances around my DDs.

I was in my thirties when I realised mulled wine was alcoholic! Whoops! I thought heating it has boiled the alcohol away from it and it was just a sugar rush I was having. I was sad when I found out it was alcoholic. I wasn’t a mum at this time. We do laugh about it still.

however, I don’t get drunk in care of my children. I will have a large class of wine with my meal if I fancy it. I had one on Friday and one on Saturday. I don’t think it makes me drunk or incapable of caring for my child.

To your point of whether I would go back to work after that much wine, where I work now has a zero alcohol policy but in past jobs it was quite common on a Friday to have a pint / glass of wine at the pub and go back to work. This was pre children for me but not for colleagues. I guess it depends on your role.

DH also smokes intermittently but never around the children. It’s a big no re passive smoking.

Well by that reckoning my parents must have been even shittier then, as not only did they both have a glass of wine with our evening meal, but shock, horror, they also allowed me to have a small glass from the age of about 14 too. Still, forty years on I haven’t died of cirrhosis of the liver and never had a problem with alcohol. I can take it or leave it.

I’m a child of the 80s and I find this post hilarious. I spent many a happy hour (no pun intended) in pubs with my parents. I’d get a lemonade and a bag of crisps and if we were lucky, the pub garden would have a play area and we’d get to run around. My parents would enjoy a few lager shandies and we’d go home. Probably in our car that had no seatbelts in the back.

I get that you should have been able to decline the offer of your children being taken to a pub without you. I’m not sure I’d appreciate that either. But I don’t think you can tar everyone with the same brush. You can enjoy a few drinks and still be responsible parents.

On Friday nights I put a chicken in the oven to roast with veg. Then I would put on my favourite sixties rock records at top volume, drink a bottle of cava and hoover the whole house. House cleaned, children and often their friends dancing. With me would settle down to a lovely meal.

Yanbu in what you describe as not being ok.
Even a couple of drinks slows responses and potentially alters parenting decisions and impedes supervision.
Mumsnet has a culture though of nice middle class parents who have problematic alcohol misuse. Threads like this reflect how defensive they can be.
Also a child of the 80s who spent many hours bored shitless in a beer garden and witnessing inappropriate adult behaviour

Gosh that's extrem e. Is there a back story ? My family are Mediterranean and a couple of glasses of wine with a meal is the norm. It's so odd you think most parents in Europe are shit. So I assume something in your past caused your hysteria ?

We take our DC to the pub for a meal out sometimes and have a few drinks. We don't get bladder, the kids love it, couple of hours. I do agree spending all afternoon and night drinking is bad parenting.

Same as bbqs, birthday parties we host or go to, most will have a few drinks, they're our family and friends, while the kids play. We're still responsible, no one gets trashed, steady over a few hours with lots of food.

So yabu to say anyone who has alcohol is a shit parent, goodness, if you'd grown up the 1970s you would be traumatised!

There are extremes of families who do drink a lot regularly/daily at home, blast music, take drugs, let DC run feral. This is probably more the sort of situation you shoukd feel concerned about.

Indeed!

In 70s and 80s we would go to a pub in the Summer with DCs. They would play and there would be food/drink for all (age related).

At home with Sunday meal there would be wine on the table. DCs would not normally have some but were neither encouraged or discouraged to partake with wine. The French do this automatically.

Absolutely, same in the 1970s. It was a treat to go the pub occasionally, have a coke and crisps, which we never had at home, while Dad had a few pints. He would take us swimming, then to park on the morning, pub for a couple of hours then home for a roast Mum had been slaving over. He worked away so it when we spent our Sundays like this it actually quite special. Fitting in time with your family and friends when not home much, this was how I was done and we as DC loved it!

I agree with you but I come from a place of bias, my mum used to drink every night unable to get into bed. It scared me how drunk she got from a young age it was frightening so I’ve never drank in front of my children .

It must be comforting to divide people so neatly into "shit parents" and others. You get to feel smug and superior to others and believe confidently that you are a much better parent than they are.

In reality, nuance and context matter. Drinking to excess in front of children is certainly not a great thing to do. Does that mean the parent must be written off entirely? It would depend. Does it happen frequently or is it a one off? How do they interact with their children, how do they treat them day to day? Drinking moderately in the presence of children is perfectly fine IMO.

My parents smoked like chimneys throughout my childhood, including in the house and the car. Times were different. I can assure you that I had wonderful parents.

FTR I have never and would never get drunk when caring for DC (and indeed, don't get drunk in other circumstances either). Nor have I ever smoked. But I can see that people are complicated and generally can't be accurately divided into Good and Bad.

:)

the OP, is coming of so judgmental. I couldn’t follow but is she saying that the parents who were meant to be looking after her child and their own got pissed or is she generally annoyed that only shit people take their kids to pubs? If it’s the latter- do one OP.

as for screens, our 2 year old has just stated watching but on holiday I noticed kids with screens and you know what - each to their own! We have no idea of how much parenting they have done prior to that snapshot in time. I start my day with noooo and that’s before 5am with the toddler. And it’s just constant - until bedtime so let’s not be so harsh to people who use it! For someone like me, that 5 min means I can go to the loo alone with someone trying to push me of the seat to have a turn…

Well aren’t you the fun sponge! So your children will never eat in a pub, or sit at a table in a restaurant if the adults are having a glass of wine with a meal, or attend a football or rugby match, or a wedding or any kind of celebration where adults are drinking alcohol with children present?
Good luck with that.

We don’t have screens at the table BTW, never have and the kids are now teens. It is possible to go for a pub lunch and interact with everyone there including children.

As the daughter or an alcoholic I am on board with you and shocked that most people think otherwise. Sadly, UK has very much an alcoholic culture!

Literally every time I go to a pub there’s at least one table with a family where the parents are sinking bottles of wine and paying no attention to the kids. Pubs are not a place for children. What is wrong with these people?!

Seems like you are asking for a pat on the back 😆how judgemental do you sound.

How do you know they were pissed?? Are you just saying no one should drink any alcohol around children?