To think people who drink alcohol around their children are shit parents

[Yesitsweird]

I have a 10 year old child. I noticed over the summer some of her peers seemed to be spending a lot of time in pubs (adult ones!) where their parents would go and sit outside, both get pissed and the child would play or go on a device for hours. My child went to a sleepover at a friend's on a friday night, and the parents took them both to the pub and did this! I was annoyed as no way would I have said yes if I'd known this was the plan.

I view all parents who do this very dimly, I assume they are alcoholics or have other issues. But it' not really that different to both parents getting pissed at home while the child is upstairs really, is it? I feel revolted by the dependence on alcohol so. many parents have and the impact this has on their children, but it's hard to discuss it with other parents as so many do it!

Am I alone in thinking this?

YABU - It's fine
YANBU - Parents shouldn't be getting pissed while looking after their children.

People work in pubs.

Was going to say actual alcoholics that I have known (and not alcoholics in the Mumsnet world, which is one glass of wine...) didn't even go to the pub. They drank at home, often in secret.

We go to the pub on a weekend with the DC. They sometimes ask to go. It's our local, they know the staff in there, they get given free bags of crisps or bowls of chips and play football which we enjoy a glass of wine. Sometimes we even play cards or we do colouring activities with them 😦 I now feel guilty for all this childhood trauma I am going to leave them with.

I saw my mum drunk once as a child. She made the cat drink the water on my dad’s bedside table and thought it was hilarious. I was of course traumatised.

Of course, it's just less of a chore and not nearly as soul-destroying after a drink.

I’m drinking with one of my kids next weekend.

he’s almost 40 and it’s my birthday and I’m going out for lunch with him and my DIL and my two grandkids ….

So what about all French and other continentalparents having a Glass of wine with a meal

Drinking alcohol does not automatically mean getting pissed, the two are not the same thing.

So If I'm in the same place as you and have a glass or 2 of wine it affects your health exactly how?

What drunken behaviour? I had a glass of wine with my lunch with 8 year old dgc. My behaviour wasn't drubken

I never drink when I'm alone with my DC in case I suddenly need to whisk someone off to A&E or something similar...which has happened to me!

But there is a difference between a couple of drinks with a meal and having children around whilst getting really drunk. I believe the second is illegal. I know someone who lives in our community that had her children taken away by social services for doing that very thing.

Adult pubs? Never seen a children's pub...

You're describing 70s/80s childhoods. Parents boozing and us in the garden (or car) with a packet of crisps. And a book - no devices then.

It does seem to me that parents were more relaxed and happy then, when there was a lot more of parents doing what they wanted and kids having to fit in. Seems like nowadays a lot of people arrange every minute of their lives around kids. And then come on mn to complain about how hard parenting is. I think I might have just got an idea for a thread. Seventies Mumsnet. "My child won't stop screaming and I haven't slept in days". "Strap him in his pram and leave him in the garage for the evening". Not that that would be a good thing, obviously. But there was definitely a lot more acceptance that although kids matter, parents do too, and sometimes kids just have to be bored for a bit, and that's just life. I think it did us good.

I used to back in the day.

When I worked in offices, we would often go to the pub on a Friday at lunchtime and think nothing of having a couple of drinks (those of us that didn't have to drive of course) and go back to work. 😂

No-one blinked at eye at it.

Yes YABU. There's a massive difference between having a drink or two around your children and getting pissed while you're with them.

Goadfest.

If you insist on being a judgemental twit. Please use a smidge of critical thought and make a distinction of having a few drinks and getting completely bladdered

I agree OP . I think having a glass of wine while supervising the kids is fine. If they are asleep maybe a couple? More than that, then I would rethink your priorities. I am in my 50s and I have a number of friends who used to drink heaviily regularly when the kids were young have basically become alcoholics and their adult kids are not wanting to spend time with them. I think we have a messed up relationship with alcohol in the UK - so many people have an alcohol dependence. I don't really drink much anymore but I can tell the difference in my personality of I do. If I am in a bad mood I become more argumentative etc.. I absolutely would not send my child for a sleepover with parents who are planning to go to the pub that night.

Would you eat an ice cream in front of your children, or fast food? Sugar is also associated with cancer.

I think you are being OTT. Using screens to allow you to drink is shitty, but having a glass of wine with a meal is very different.

I'm going to start eating my cancer-causing bacon sarnie in the wardrobe so I don't expose my children to it.

I don't even drink and I think you're being unreasonable. It's not ideal for 10 year olds to be in the pub but it's doesn't make someone a shit parent. Especially when the children are 10, getting drunk around a baby would be concerning but 10 year olds will be fine.

Oh yes, I only ever consume homemade scratch meals in front of my little darlings.

And the crack I smoke in front of them must be organic.

The title of this thread is totally unreasonable.

'blootered' - my new favourite word ❤️

We have one local pub with a soft play room in the garden and one with a great outside space with a slide and wooden boat.

I’d argue it would be weirder seeing adults using them exclusively instead of adults enjoying drinks with friends while their children play and have a lovely afternoon.

Reading your post OP is interesting. The last few weeks poor DH. His local, which he's been going to on a Friday for years, has been over run with parent groups and their young kids from the prep school just up the road. The kids are left to literally run around screaming leaving their kids to it and generally stay there for a good few hours. It's got so bad that lots of the regulars have stopped going. The pub won't do anything as they are obviously doing a brisk trade as it's breathed a new lease of life into an otherwise quiet pub. Fwiw I don't drink, never have but dh does. I don't have a problem with alcohol infront of kids but definitely not in the way I've described above.

I see more nuance here, OP, and I do take my daughter to pubs sometimes plus I will have a beer or a glass of wine in her company. I don't consider myself to be a shit parent and I suspect that isn't how I'm perceived generally.

However I don't get pissed while ignoring her, our local has a nice atmosphere and nobody is shouting random things due to drunkenness or the landlord would swiftly eject them. When she was younger we'd play a game and now she's a teen we'll chat. She's never been on a device in a cafe, restaurant or pub in her life as that's not my bag and her social skills are good.

If we were talking about DH and I getting hammered in a pub full of drunk people whilst we ignore our child, I would agree with you.

I think you can be a terrible parent while never drinking alcohol and a good parent who does drink in front of your kids but the devil is in the detail. Like everything, balance and moderation are key. If it is all you do with your leisure time, that's a problem. I also worry about kids whose parents don't seem to take them anywhere. I think that has become a problem in some households in the last ten years.

I spent quite a bit of time in pubs as a kid and remember it fondly. My love of board games definitely stems from that. I was never ignored though and I think that is pivotal.

You are so right here Elsvieta. This idea that as a parent you should abandon everything you enjoy to devote your entire life to your offspring is a curse of this generation of parents and kids alike. The 1980s weren't perfect either and my childhood did involve a fug of cigarette smoke and seatbeltless travel down motorways with a very full back seat which I would never allow my daughter to experience, but parents were also people with social lives, and kids mucked in without being provided with an activity just for them. If your parents mates also had kids, you'd play with them in countless pub beer gardens and if there was a swing you'd be delighted.

MN is full of parents who wish they hadn't had their children because the expectations are relentless, they're exhausted and feel totally worn down by parenthood but maybe they are just 'parenting' too much. 1980s parents didn't think about it so hard and they certainly weren't losing their minds about how we got on in exams.

There must be a middle ground here somewhere for us to aim at where everyone has a seatbelt on and isn't breathing in fag smoke 24/7 but parents can have a beer with some mates on a sunny afternoon while their progeny play on a slide with other people's kids and everyone enjoys themselves without being branded a shit parent.