To think people who drink alcohol around their children are shit parents

[Yesitsweird]

I have a 10 year old child. I noticed over the summer some of her peers seemed to be spending a lot of time in pubs (adult ones!) where their parents would go and sit outside, both get pissed and the child would play or go on a device for hours. My child went to a sleepover at a friend's on a friday night, and the parents took them both to the pub and did this! I was annoyed as no way would I have said yes if I'd known this was the plan.

I view all parents who do this very dimly, I assume they are alcoholics or have other issues. But it' not really that different to both parents getting pissed at home while the child is upstairs really, is it? I feel revolted by the dependence on alcohol so. many parents have and the impact this has on their children, but it's hard to discuss it with other parents as so many do it!

Am I alone in thinking this?

YABU - It's fine
YANBU - Parents shouldn't be getting pissed while looking after their children.

A couple of drinks isn't drunken behaviour. And yes, it's ok to sit away from the play area and smoke a cigarette if you're a smoker.

I agree but then I spent many miserable afternoons in a pub as a child and paid the price of alcohol and domestic violence. I don't drink at all.

If children are allowed in then it's not an adult only pub.
The only alcoholics I have come across who are routinely drunk around their children tend to drink at home not go out with them for a couple of hours.

Parenting is so much harder now than in the past with so many rules and devoting every minute of the day to child appropriate enjoyable activities. If they want to have a couple of drinks (not get pissed) in the pub while the kids run around with a packet of crisps, why not? Everyone’s happy and relaxed. This was a really normal Saturday thing when I was a child, and I have very happy memories of it.

Yes I agree, the types who sit in a deckchair getting sozzled on Carlsberg Special aren’t the same people who go to the local pub for a couple of ales or a glass of wine. OP’s post is just superior nonsense. In my experience kids with parent who never relax or put themselves first end up anxious and a bit selfish.

@Yesitsweird "So going to an adult only pub to see friends with a child in tow is grim."

No it isn't. Children shouldn't think the universe revolves around them and parents are perfectly entitled to fit kids into their own social lives. It's a fairly modern idea that kids have a say in adult decisions and in my opinion it isn't going to end well. Children should be socialised to adult conversations or learn to amuse themselves. They should also be exposed to all sorts of different people and environments, and teaching kids that alcohol is the devil incarnate is one sure way to big trouble. But I think it's safe to say that absolutely nobody on this thread thinks that parents should get shit faced! My family have Italian heritage and wine was always drunk with meals. And my Dad liked a pint at the pub whilst I played on the swings. Has it damaged me and am I an alcoholic? No!

What makes you assume all muslims dont drink?

You can't say that all muslim parents don't drink.
Something to read on this topic and relative evilness of alcohol is a book by Khaled Hosseini, The Kite Runner.
Spoiler alcohol is NOT a problem here at all.

This

I agree with you. I’ve seen alcohol ruin many good people and we should not be modelling it as a normal part of adulthood, to young, impressionable children.

Getting pissed is irresponsible but not necessarily going to the pub. We often take ours as there's a brilliant play area for them and we can feed them. They can't sit still in a proper restaurant so it's the easiest way for us to eat out when I can't be bothered to cook.

I wouldn't take someone else's child without talking to them unless it was someone I knew well and we'd been together previously.

Did you actually read my post?

My DD had some friends all through school whose parents were very 'sociable' - always entertaining, lots of parties etc, I had pangs of jealousy when I saw their pics on social media. When DD was about 12 I was invited along and was horrified - drinking until they were completely trashed, one of the parents peed himself, and it appeared to be an open secret that cocaine was available somewhere in the house. Kids of all ages present, the older teens were mortified. I was horrified. It really made me rethink my friendship with them.

I have and do enjoy a glass of wine in front of my DC with dinner occasionally, or a Bailey's or Pimm's seasonally, why not. Teaching kids about sensible alcohol consumption is an important lesson, but like you op I do judge parents boozing in beer gardens all afternoon, kids being in pubs late at night etc

We don’t have anyone who provides any childcare or babysitting for us so DD has always come pretty much everywhere with us and she’s now 9. We will quite often pop into the pub when we’ve been in town shopping.

She loves having a lemonade and a packet of crisps while we have a couple of beers or wines and we all have a lovely chat.

I think you have issues you need to address if this bothers you so much.

I don’t think all parents who drink alcohol around their kids are shit parents, no.

But I do disagree with parents sitting getting mortal drunk in a pub with their kids.

But surely modelling sensible drinking (if you do drink) is a good way of showing impressionable children, who will one day be old enough to drink and likely encounter friends who drink, that its fine to drink in moderation but know when to stop and know limits, instead of never having them around alcohol drinking in any situation, so that when they are around it for the first time, it isn't them and a load of other 18 year olds who don't know how to drink sensibly.

YANBU. I think it’s shit parenting too OP. Poor kids. Stuck on screens while their parents are pissed up.

Based on your title YABU.
Based on the post, less so.

As with most topics, there's nuance. My DC (now on their early 20s) have seen me drunk a handful of times. I just asked DS2 and he doesn't remember me ever being drunk. They have seen me have 1 or 2 drinks many many times. They know that if they want a drink they can have one, that's been the rule since they were able 16. Neither of them have any interest at all in drinking.

My niblings OTOH think getting drunk is perfectly normal thing to do. 10 year old niece told me she cant wait until she's old enough to get drunk. It's weirdly normalised in their house. I'll often speak to them and they'll say "mums gone to the pub. It's Friday night so of course she's relaxing"
Personally I find that weird. Mum works in a school, but the idea that she needs to get drunk at weekends to get over the stress of working with children is so strange to me.

Nobody is suggesting that’s a good idea in fact it’s illegal.

But the sneering superiority of super anxious child-focussed mum types who think a glass of wine in the pub is child abuse is just annoying frankly.

I’m 99% sure this was called ‘having a sense of humour’. ….. it was a joke!

I’m not so sure it was………

I don't know anyone who behaves as the OP describes. I know plenty of people who go to a restaurant or beer garden with friends and the kids, have one or two drinks while the kids play, or - shock horror - play a card game with their own children. I've been known to do it myself.

I don't think there's anything wrong with showing children how to socialise and drink sensibly.

Maybe you just live in a really rough area, OP?

I’ve never been drunk in front of my daughter but I have a glass of wine with dinner every night apart from Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. Does that make me a shit parent?

Maybe you just live in a really rough area, OP?

Yes can’t say I’ve witnessed this where I live either. Plenty of families in the pub certainly but not hammered parents. Usually there for some food and maybe hang out for a couple of hours over lunch or something. But not whole afternoons of heavy boozing.