AIBU to want a wedding ceremony without making the marriage legal?

[Interaillingmum]

I am a single mum of a DD and my partner of 4 years is a full time single dad of twin DDs.

I earn more than double his salary. He cooks and does other things that I am terrible at! He's not fussed about marriage but I've always wanted to be married since I was a little girl. Im religious and marriage for me means I would like to take vows on our union, have it blessed and celebrate with loved ones. He is willing to do this.

I've been in a relationship that traumatised me in the past. I've built up everything I have now from scratch and even though I have love and stability in my relationship I know that things can change. I would hate to risk that.

If anything happens to me I want my assets to go to my DD without question. Inheritance my DD. If anything were to sour our relationship id want to separate without a lengthy legal battle. I'd want what's his to go to his DDS if anything happened vice versa.

Marriage provides me with no legal protection and would put me in a worse position for protecting my funds and my DDs future but I do want to have the wedding and make a commitment to this man.

Aibu to have our wedding but not follow it up with a legal registry?

Its all very well asking on mumsnet but the simple thing to do is go and see a solicitor and talk through the legal ramifications of marriage/ non marriage/ your wealth and your child. Then act on their advice.

Have a humanist wedding, as they haven't got any legal standing in England and Wales.

Just do it and don't mention it, nothing to do with anyone else if its not legally binding

OP, take note of what PPs have said about the government's proposals for creating a new legal framework that would give qualifying cohabitants the right to make financial claims when a relationship ends.

Also remember that anyone can change their will at any time without notifying a partner or anyone else.

I'm going to repeat myself and say that cohabitees who look as if they're married to the state are - if this bloody government decides to do it and I must stress I'm completely against it-are set to get rights of each other's assets after 3 years cohabitation.

this would have to get through the House of Lords yet as legislation and with bishops sat in the lords that might prove harder than this government realise

You can get legally (ie properly) married, and then make a Will to leave any or all of your assets to you child.

Do what you like. Its seems a waste of time.

There are only 23 of them, as opposed to 233 Labour lords, 80 Liberal Democrats, 2 each for Plaid and the Greens, who mostly might be expected to vote for the legislation. Then there's the cross bench and non affiliated peers.

as an atheist I don't see that they should be in the lords in the first place

but the 247 conservative lords might be a larger sticking point

This... You want to spend ££££ on a party that to all intents and purposes is a wedding but without the legal commitment.

You either want commitment or not.

It's cheaper to get wills written.

This all sounds really performative to me. I don’t think you can call it a wedding if you’re not getting married, it’s cringe.

How about a hand fasting or something like that?

I’m really surprised by the comments on this. Maybe there isn’t anyone in a similar situation but I 100% agree with you. You can be fully committed to someone without wanting it to negatively impact your child if things go wrong or they pass away.

I think if you want a ‘commitment ceremony’ then go for it. You and your dp can make vows / promises to each other with whichever witnesses (or not) you like, and include whatever you want.

Where I think it becomes a bit trickier is calling it a ‘marriage’ as that has the legal implications. You would not be a Mrs, though of course you could change (both of) your names for whatever reason at whatever time. Of course with cohabitation and other considerations that might be moot.

It is everything to do with other people!! A public wedding with guests involves other people!
I assume their family will be there.

Their families will assume they're legally married nowunless told otherwise and in the event of a break-up will be expected to help the man, things like next-of-kin etc may matter they will make certain assumptions about the marriage being legally binding.

If people want to keep their relationship totally private that is fine but it's simply not on to involve other people in the deceit.

Cannot believe that people are suggesting that they have this ceremony and not even be honest with the guests that it's not actually legally binding.
F*ing ridiculous in my opinion.

It's not a wedding if you are not getting married.
You can have a committment ceremony but it's wrong to call it a wedding

I had a blessing in a church (post marriage for us) so that could be an option

I think the guests might be a bit miffed about a fake wedding.
Just do a prenup

I am Christian non denominational. Yes I know of other people who haved married simply via Nikkah for example with no legal registration

A prenup is not legally binding in the uk. If it was I would absolutely do this.

Don’t see the point personally. I certainly wouldn’t prioritise it as a guest. What are you celebrating? Nothing has changed.

There is nothing to stop you getting married and then making a will in favour of your daughter.

They will only do it after marriage though (my brother has looked into this as his fiancé wants a church wedding and he doesn’t so they are compromising)

I think that you ought to consider that your dp has heard of these cohabitee proposals and having a marriage ceremony may work in his favour in the event of you breaking up.

I'm putting this to you because it seems really strange to me that anybody who did not come up with this idea themselveswould go along with this-man or woman.

Regardless the direction is that cohabitees will gain some rights in the future.

You are on thin ice with this pseudo wedding idea and it's best that you are wise to the dangers of it.
It could very well be used against you at a later date.

I dont think these have legal standing in uk

If you are religious, surely getting married is a priority? I don't know of any religion that sanctions sexual relationships outside marriage.

But that's not 100% committed then is it ?