We want different things from his inheritance AIBU

[NotSureAboutThiss]

DH and I have been together 20yrs+ with DC. Joint finances. He has received an inheritance that he wants to use to take early retirement. I don’t want to retire yet so will continue to work through choice. I would rather save the money for kids uni fees / help with house deposit and he continues to work. He thinks I ABU. What do you think? There isn’t really enough to do both so no compromise that I can see. His argument is that we have (small) savings already for the kids.

His money his choice. How would you feel if the roles were reversed and he was pressuring you into doing something you didn’t want to?

Surely there is a compromise somewhere?

So he finds a less taxing job that is part time (a lot of companies pride themselves in employing older people....B&Q and Morrisons are two off the top of my head) and invests most of the money. The rest he uses to top up his income until retirement.

It doesnt have to be all or nothing.

I am sorry for your loss, genuinely and I appreciate hearing your view.

It is still early days so this may be a knee jerk reaction from him and I haven’t gone in heavy handed. I feel really conflicted expressing my view but I just don’t agree with his and if I don’t say now, won’t that just be worse?

Definitely not sensible to fitter all of inheritance away into uni costs.

Thank you @NotSureAboutThiss I appreciate that. I think there’s a fine line between expressing your view and seeking to dictate. Only you know if you’ve crossed it and if you don’t feel you have, you’ve probably got the balance right. But you might need to give more grace than you expected to because it’s not just a lump sum if that makes sense? I’m probably not expressing it very well but I hope that’s at least partially followable!

@MyCatIsAnAeroplane mentioned investment returns and this is where my head is at. Instead of spending the lot, why not keep working for another 5yrs and then re-assess? 5 more yrs of income and pension contributions and then decide once we know what the DC have planned?

I will inherit quite a large amount when a close family member of mine passes. She’s 80 now. I plan to ensure both my children are taken care of and my mortgage is paid off. There will be a small amount left which I will stick into a savings account for when I eventually retire and obviously whatever is left when I go will be for my children. I couldn’t give up work, it keeps me sane!!

I’m 60 and dh is 59. We both retired after an inheritance and a medical event. We invested in property and the rental from that, plus our private pensions, has been enough to live on. Plus we still have the asset. Our DC are done with Uni and have their own house deposits as part of the bequest.

is the inheritance enough to buy a property to rent out?

Personally I think you’re NOT unreasonable. Like you we’ve had joint finances for 25+ years and have always viewed all funds, including any future inheritances (on both sides) as joint funds also, and make all major financial decisions together.

Would you be able to pay kids uni fees etc if there was no inheritance and he carried on working?

I'm team DH. I received an inheritance and I retired aged 49. I'm now 55 and it was the best thing I have ever done! My DC may receive an inheritance when me or DH dies.

i would say that as this is a fairly recent bereavement you talk to him in the vein of not wanting him to regret a hasty decision. Does he actually have the money yet or is probate happening, because that can take months.

See if you can get him to agree to park the whole discussion until after Xmas and then revisit it, by talking to an IFA and seeing what they advise.

AI is going to wipe us all out in 10 years. Enjoy life while you can. There’s no point in saving it for the long term future.

@ExhaustedRaccoon I feel the same about work, it keeps me sane and I have no desire to retire. Unfortunately DH does not feel the same and he wants to walk. Maybe I should be encouraging a change to job role as opposed to retirement.

@SleeptightEvangeline yes he could buy a property outright to rent out but he doesn’t want to do this. He would have to do a tax return and manage it which he doesn’t want to do.

Or maybe let him do it and he might figure out the grass isn’t always greener and life is very expensive these days! The money won’t last long if he packs up work now that’s for sure

Ageee with @harriethoyle

It feels different because it is. It really is his decision to do as he sees fit with the money.

How old are the dc?

The bereavement was unexpected but we have the money now, so a bit of time has passed.

But the job market is bleak for those over 55. What if he regrets it and then can’t find employment?

Even so......you could go in with the thought that perhaps it is burning a hole in his pocket and that he maybe needs to calm down a bit and think it through.

Would he agree to see an IFA?

Is a carer break an option in his current employment?

You want to save the money left to your husband so someone else can have the benefits of it.
Your husband wants to.enjoy the benefits himself which was no doubt the intention of the person who.left it to him.
Neither of you can take the money with you when you die so why not enjoy it now while you still can.

Exactly this!
no way would I be telling my husband what to do with his inheritance!

Seconded

But wanting your husband to continue working to enable big house deposits for children is the wrong reason Imo.
Ime, adult children don't generally get a big house deposit from family, that isn't the norm for many.
You are already financially comfortable and mortgage free.
That is significant.
No one lives forever, let your husband retire early and appreciate that you are in a position to enable it.