We want different things from his inheritance AIBU

[NotSureAboutThiss]

DH and I have been together 20yrs+ with DC. Joint finances. He has received an inheritance that he wants to use to take early retirement. I don’t want to retire yet so will continue to work through choice. I would rather save the money for kids uni fees / help with house deposit and he continues to work. He thinks I ABU. What do you think? There isn’t really enough to do both so no compromise that I can see. His argument is that we have (small) savings already for the kids.

Does the money equal or exceed what he would earn if he worked until his original planned retirement age?

I don’t think YABU at all, it’s hard for young people to get on the housing ladder without some help.

@CatSquirrelDuck his argument is we have saved over the years, as much as we could whilst still paying the mortgage and bills.
My argument is that’s not a huge amount and although it will undoubtedly help, this could make a massive difference.

I am erring on the side of joint money and a joint decision, 55 is young to retire!

Why not compromise and put half the inheritance towards the children and half for retirement?

We both appreciate life is short (especially now) and I get that. But 55 is pretty young to retire when you are in good health and still have dependent children.

No it doesn’t equal what his earnings would have been but it would cover his share if that makes sense.

Also if he was still working he would still be paying into his pensions.

My main point is that I don’t think a parental responsibility extends to saving a house deposit for the kids. And it is unfair to ask him to put this above his very reasonable wish for a bit of freedom from the grind of work.

Something similar happened to us except that DH was 62; I agreed to him retiring early as long as it didn't affect my lifestyle - I'm 6 years younger and he continued paying bills proportionately.
5 years down the line he bitterly regrets the dwindling of his 'pot'. I think he should have thought of intergenerational wealth too - his parents saved hard, he just spent (most of) it... he did pay uni accommodation which worked out at £15,000 for 3 years. With the difference in ages too, he's cash poor, time rich and I am cash rich, time poor as still working.

Possibly biased as I am 55 and would love to retire if I could. Didn’t feel like this when I was 50 or in my 40s.

If you can afford not to have to work your life away why not. You expect your DH to work hard to give your kids an easy life, doesn't sound fair.

Another option would be a career break / part time.

@AmicaNemica This is exactly what I was after, some advice from someone who has been there. Your comment about ‘he just spent it’ is how I see it. Left invested for 10yrs it would provide a more comfortable retirement for both of us and still have some left for the DC…

I'd be very wary about using the inheritance to pay for Uni. What is it your children want to do? Think about if uni is really justified. Remember, universities are just money making businesses now, so unless they are going to be studying law, medicine or engineering etc. you may just end up wasting tens of thousands of pounds.

It’s his money and it’s up to him.

He could use a chunk to take a break but would he gain employment again? It’s a risk.

It’s his inheritance so to some degree it’s his choice!

This isn't joint money though. He, and he alone, has inherited this money. Inheritance is treated differently in terms of tax and division of assets etc. You can certainly have an opinion on what he should do, and retirement is a significant step to take, I get that. But the fact remains that it is his money. Your discussions might go better if you acknowledge that.

@NotSureAboutThisscan’t you see his side of it at all?

@NotSureAboutThiss I’ve just lost my Dad and Mum died some years ago. I know there’s inheritance coming my way.

I’d be devastated if my DH tried to dictate on what and how I spent it. It feels uniquely personal and significant and totally different to our joint financial norm. I think you’re being hugely insensitive to that and would hazard a guess that you haven’t had parental inheritance yet.

Investing that pot at 5% would give him another £67k on £100k invested rather than being left with nothing. That’s a HUGE difference in what could be used for a joint retirement and for the kids.

Even at 5 years it would be another £27k per £100k.

Maybe get him to look at it like this rather than just the big lump of capital in the bank.

Surely most employers offer a career break of 6-12 months?? Then he could try it & still go back.

If he retires what is he going to do? Will he pick up the slack at home?

Given then men’s life expectancy is lower and he’s older, I think his retiring first is perfectly reasonable. Or compromise - can he go down to 60/80pc?

If it’s ykur husband’s inheritance, then surely it’s up to him how he uses it?