AIBU to not force DD5 to use other child's preferred pronouns?

[Craziesareoutinfullforce]

So today I picked up DD5 from school and her teacher told me that my DD had asked a little boy in the playground why he was wearing a dress. He said it's because he is a girl, and my DD, confused, disputed this and said "but you are a boy", which has of course upset him and now my DD is in trouble. Apparently he went to the teacher and she pulled my DD aside and said what she said was unkind and she needs to respect how other people describe themselves.

My DD has ASD and has only recently become verbal, school are well aware of this and she has an EHCP outlining her communication difficulties, with her mental age being approx 3 years old (in terms of where she is with development). My argument was that she has additional needs and has zero concept of transgenderism so she was not to know, and was also in no way unkind as she was asking a genuine question and not trying to be nasty. I imagine any 5 year old would be confused by this? I think if you asked a NT 5yo to use preferred pronouns they likely would, but still don't feel anybody should be forced into doing this or face punishment.

I did also say to the teacher that this is not something that is encouraged at home and we have never spoken about it. She told me that they are an inclusive school and everybody is to be accepted, and that from now on DD must use his preferred pronouns and call this boy 'she/her', she had said this to my DD at the time and she got upset because "that's not right" (my DDs words). I told her that I will not be enforcing this and will contact the LA regarding the matter should they pursue it in future, given that they are point blank disregarding DD's ND and EHCP, essentially.

Aibu here? I expect to get hate for this, and I'm really not trying to encourage any phobia regarding trans people, it is just not something I accept or feel comfortable with or encourage. I would never attack someone for being this way etc., but just feel nobody should be forced into calling a boy a girl and vice versa when they are clearly not. It feels really unfair and frankly bizarre that my 5 year old with ND is being penalised for calling a boy a boy. I don't think I need to take this any further but unsure what to do if anything happens regarding this in future? I did mention above I would contact LA but would they take the same stance as the school? I have emailed the headteacher about it but he has not yet replied. Please help, feeling stuck and idk if I'm in the wrong or not.

What a load of crap. Op this whole situation is ridiculous and I feel for you and your child. YANBU, it's such a shame we are forced to play along with these fantasies.

Agree. The school pushing this agenda with children so young is a safeguarding fail in itself. The fact that they are insisting that a child who has a processing disability adhere to this nonsense just seems cruel.

Did you miss the part where I explained multiple times that she has the mental age of a 3 year old and only recently learned how to talk? And can barely form coherent sentences? You think me waffling on about how this boy thinks hes a girl is going to make any sense to her? No, it isn't. I'm also not pushing onto her the idea that any of this is okay, nor should it be entertained. I'm not teaching her that anybody can try to dictate her speech and thought processes and she has to accept it. Just not going to happen.

Did you mean to quote me?
my suggestion was very appropriate for a 5 year old with mental age of a 3 year old

My daughter had a child in her class, who came to her 5th birthday party. I hadn’t met her before, she told me her name and said “I’m odd”. I laughed and said “brilliant, what makes you odd” She said “I don’t know, I just feel odd, so I am odd”

12 years later he is way more comfortable in his own skin. Started to transition at about aged 10, went to high school with a new name. His parents had a really, really hard time dealing with it, fought against it, made his life a bit shit for a while.

The kids at primary school were absolutely fine with it, there was no “gaslighting” or “lying”. Some kids do just know. It has absolutely no bearing on other people. This whole “my child shouldn’t be forced to lie” is laughable. People “lie” about what’s in front of them all the time. Kids do it more than anyone else.

A child can wear what they like. It’s adults who make a deal out of a dress or not.

You don’t need to tell dc they can change sex, nor reinforce an adult agenda.

A 10yr old socially transitioning without parental consent is a bit alarming. I'm sure we were told that kind of thing didn't happen - and to suggest it did was evidence of falling for right wing moral panics?

Why wasn’t this child reassured that they could be female any way they liked, could present, dress, behave as they wished?

Why bring transition into it at all? What are they supposed to be transitioned from/to?

I think possibly they meant to quote the original poster in that conversation string. This has happened to me a couple of times recently - after posting, the quote defaults to the top of the conversation string.