AIBU to not force DD5 to use other child's preferred pronouns?

[Craziesareoutinfullforce]

So today I picked up DD5 from school and her teacher told me that my DD had asked a little boy in the playground why he was wearing a dress. He said it's because he is a girl, and my DD, confused, disputed this and said "but you are a boy", which has of course upset him and now my DD is in trouble. Apparently he went to the teacher and she pulled my DD aside and said what she said was unkind and she needs to respect how other people describe themselves.

My DD has ASD and has only recently become verbal, school are well aware of this and she has an EHCP outlining her communication difficulties, with her mental age being approx 3 years old (in terms of where she is with development). My argument was that she has additional needs and has zero concept of transgenderism so she was not to know, and was also in no way unkind as she was asking a genuine question and not trying to be nasty. I imagine any 5 year old would be confused by this? I think if you asked a NT 5yo to use preferred pronouns they likely would, but still don't feel anybody should be forced into doing this or face punishment.

I did also say to the teacher that this is not something that is encouraged at home and we have never spoken about it. She told me that they are an inclusive school and everybody is to be accepted, and that from now on DD must use his preferred pronouns and call this boy 'she/her', she had said this to my DD at the time and she got upset because "that's not right" (my DDs words). I told her that I will not be enforcing this and will contact the LA regarding the matter should they pursue it in future, given that they are point blank disregarding DD's ND and EHCP, essentially.

Aibu here? I expect to get hate for this, and I'm really not trying to encourage any phobia regarding trans people, it is just not something I accept or feel comfortable with or encourage. I would never attack someone for being this way etc., but just feel nobody should be forced into calling a boy a girl and vice versa when they are clearly not. It feels really unfair and frankly bizarre that my 5 year old with ND is being penalised for calling a boy a boy. I don't think I need to take this any further but unsure what to do if anything happens regarding this in future? I did mention above I would contact LA but would they take the same stance as the school? I have emailed the headteacher about it but he has not yet replied. Please help, feeling stuck and idk if I'm in the wrong or not.

I’m not an activist of any kind. Section 7 of the Equality Act 2010 defines the protected characteristic for individuals proposing, undergoing and completing the process to reassign sex. Protection applies at any stage including just considering transitioning. Individuals don’t need medical intervention to qualify for protection and there is no minimum age limit. Children undergoing social transitioning such as changing names or pronouns are legally protected.

Autism or not, im not sure why you can't simply tell your dc
that this child wears dresses and it's unkind to comment on any one else's appearance. It's also easy to explain that this child wants to be a girl.

No need to get into a trans discussion. This is pretty basic stuff and I'm surprised your child can't just accept this. All my ND kids would just accept what they are told at age 3 (the development age you say your child has).

Someday your dc might go through a phase like this and I'm sure you will appreciate understanding.cc

It does not apply at any stage
you said social and medical transitioning

so you think this 5 year old boy was socially transitioning when he wore this dress yesterday?

😂Thank you.

I only asked as on occasions women talking about this stuff can be relentlessly bullied by those over keen on screwing with children's minds.

No. Absolutely not. Where did I say that ? I’m simply stating how the EA2010 defines it. There is no minimum age limit for protection and it applies at any stage of transgendering. At no point have I said I agree with it because I don’t. I thought the point of the thread was information so she can approach the authorities on behalf of her child.

My question is simple

you said the policy states socially or medical transitioning. YOU told us this.

so you don’t think this policy is relevant to this situation because he isn’t socially transitioning?

why mention it then?

But to be absolutely clear - you don’t think it applies to this situation because the boy isn’t socially transitioning. Correct?

No. I said social OR medical transitioning. And the Act literally says the protection applies at any stage of transitioning, and there is no minimum age.

And No. I don’t think this five year old boy was transitioning. At all. I also don’t think children - or anyone else for that matter - should be forced to participate in the absolute fantasy that people can change sex. But clearly the school take this stuff very seriously and it could be a minefield for OP.

I think (I'm not a lawyer) that part of the problem is the protected characteristic of gender reassignment allegedly applies to children of any age. When all this was initially proposed by the small but influential male trans lobby, nobody (including MPs) ever thought anyone would claim that children could be born in the wrong body, let alone that drugs and crude surgery would fix them by changing them into the opposite sex.

Many of us are concerned that nobody has ever challenged this in the courts. In schools, safeguarding legislation is statutory and keeping children safe should be the priority. Instead too many dubious groups and adults were given access to schools to gaslight even very young children with an age inappropriate belief (sex change / gender identity).

Children don't yet have the life and critical thinking skills to navigate all this which is why it's a safeguarding issue. The OPs daughter should not have been put in this position.

Of course it's difficult for schools but they need to start prioritising safeguarding - both the individual boy at the centre of this as well as all the others.The pc of gender reassignment should be completely irrelevant for children.

Somebody posted this upthread - it's a chilling explanation of the psychological damage that's done to primary children when the adults don't safeguard them from gender identity beliefs

www.transgendertrend.com/childhood-social-transition/

No, I don’t. I also don’t think it’s possible to change sex and I don’t think anyone should be forced to participate in that fantasy - let alone vulnerable children. But the school clearly take a different view and OP needs to be prepared. OP’s own child has protected characteristics which need to be observed and confusing her with this nonsense isn’t acceptable in my view. The EA advises that primary schools proceed with caution but that doesn’t seem to be the case with this school.

It's infuriating that schools of all places are encouraging young, impressionable children to deny the truth they observe with their own eyes and lie, all in the name of encouraging someone else's psychological problems. It's shameful.

And again I don’t disagree with this at all. But the school, in this case at least, seem to be taking ‘dress up’ very seriously. Which is the whole problem.

She’s 5 ffs . What is this madness this kids parents are allowing.

Because clearly the school take a different view.

My thoughts exactly

Thank you everybody for sharing your comments, opinions and support on this. It is very much appreciated from both perspectives.

There are a lot of comments and questions and I will try to get round to them all, have had a busy day of fun with my children and it has been nice not to give this headspace for a while.

I have seen a few comments/questions that I will address here as still busy with my kids. I name changed for very obvious reasons, and because on my actual account, despite not using it for a while have posted about some personal things in my own life otherwise so I am trying to protect my privacy there to avoid being identified.

I sent a lengthy email (though honestly not that bad) because I wanted to really get across what was an issue for me in the situation and the impact it has had on my DD.

I seen a few say I knew I wouldn't get hate; I didn't know this and I have gotten hate about it. I said I expected to get hate because this topic on general is very touchy and saying anything against it gets you a verbal beating in the real world / elsewhere online. I haven't discussed this on mumsnet before so didn't know what opinions were here, but do appreciate the support.

Where i am now is focusing on moving forward as and when the Head replies, hopefully to reach an amicable resolution for everybody. I will not be telling my DD to call this boy a girl, etc. This is due to her ND it would just confuse her. I know her and what is best for her but thank you for the suggestions.

Intellectual freedom is also a protected characteristic.

And that's the problem. Too many parents are scared of confronting a school (often for good reasons) which is why activist teachers and external trans lobbyists have been able to impose this on primary schools.
The government is slowly edging towards restoring sanity and prioritising safeguarding - it's telling that they've placed the guidance in KCSI safeguarding guidance.
But there are still too many activist teachers and dangerous lobbyists with the power to influence schools and until child safeguarding is prioritised over gender identity beliefs, this will continue.

Getting children to believe in sex change for unhappy children was a massive win for transactivism. It's why it's so hard to restore safeguarding to schools and women's rights to single sex spaces. These lies have been taught for years.

In all honesty ? If OP’s daughter were my child I would be looking for a different school. She’s ND and the school insisting that something she sees with her own eyes is something else entirely is adding to the difficulties she may have in processing how the world works. I see that as a safeguarding fail.

Glad you've had a good day. You may find that the Head is just following the party line - all the unions push this this and he may have given it little thought. Hopefully the more cautious approach in the statutory guidance will give him some clues that mindlessly affirming a 5 year as the opposite sex is a safeguarding issue.

And thank you - parents are so important in challenging all this. Activists have had uncontrolled access to schools about this for too long but finally the new guidance - safeguarding and teaching Health Ed / Sex Relationships - will stop them. Parents just need to be aware and challenge.