AIBU to not force DD5 to use other child's preferred pronouns?

[Craziesareoutinfullforce]

So today I picked up DD5 from school and her teacher told me that my DD had asked a little boy in the playground why he was wearing a dress. He said it's because he is a girl, and my DD, confused, disputed this and said "but you are a boy", which has of course upset him and now my DD is in trouble. Apparently he went to the teacher and she pulled my DD aside and said what she said was unkind and she needs to respect how other people describe themselves.

My DD has ASD and has only recently become verbal, school are well aware of this and she has an EHCP outlining her communication difficulties, with her mental age being approx 3 years old (in terms of where she is with development). My argument was that she has additional needs and has zero concept of transgenderism so she was not to know, and was also in no way unkind as she was asking a genuine question and not trying to be nasty. I imagine any 5 year old would be confused by this? I think if you asked a NT 5yo to use preferred pronouns they likely would, but still don't feel anybody should be forced into doing this or face punishment.

I did also say to the teacher that this is not something that is encouraged at home and we have never spoken about it. She told me that they are an inclusive school and everybody is to be accepted, and that from now on DD must use his preferred pronouns and call this boy 'she/her', she had said this to my DD at the time and she got upset because "that's not right" (my DDs words). I told her that I will not be enforcing this and will contact the LA regarding the matter should they pursue it in future, given that they are point blank disregarding DD's ND and EHCP, essentially.

Aibu here? I expect to get hate for this, and I'm really not trying to encourage any phobia regarding trans people, it is just not something I accept or feel comfortable with or encourage. I would never attack someone for being this way etc., but just feel nobody should be forced into calling a boy a girl and vice versa when they are clearly not. It feels really unfair and frankly bizarre that my 5 year old with ND is being penalised for calling a boy a boy. I don't think I need to take this any further but unsure what to do if anything happens regarding this in future? I did mention above I would contact LA but would they take the same stance as the school? I have emailed the headteacher about it but he has not yet replied. Please help, feeling stuck and idk if I'm in the wrong or not.

Me three.

How is it easy to explain that this child wants to be a girl without getting into a trans discussion ?

At this age? Easy.

”DS we both know this boy is a boy. I am going to have a word with the school about this but in the meantime don’t you worry about it.”

How old is the boy? Is he in your daughters class?

This

And this is how we end up at the position where some women have gone into court to give evidence about being attacked and have been directed by the judge that they have to refer to their attacker as 'she' and endure references to 'her penis'. Because it's not very nice to recognise material reality and use language that reflects it.

Not the same thing as ‘explaining that this child wants to be a girl’.

That doesn’t need to be said though.

And why would you to a 5 yr old?

short and sweet
move on

Evenly

Exactly!

It's ridiculous for anyone to expect any child to always get this right and to have no compassion when they make a mistake or don't understand

But the child did get it right. She correctly identified a boy. It's not a mistake to recognise the sex of another human. It's not fair on any child to ask them to say the opposite of what they know to be true. I mean, where does it stop?

Those of you referring to it as a "lie", do you always say to people who are religious that there is no God and that it is a lie? Or do you just let them be and believe what they like?

My in-laws are catholic and believe in God. They go to Church and pray on Sunday. They know I don't believe in God and they have never once asked me to pray nor go to church. They don't castigate me or try to make me feel guilty for being an atheist. They accept my lack of belief, as I accept their belief.
Just don't try to involve me in it and we're all fine.

I would advise you to take the time to read scientific journals on the subject before speaking so strongly on the subject

The irony!!

In fact women have been found in contempt of court for not referring to their rapist as she. The Court Bench Book and CPS guidelines actually specifically say women must refer to their perpetrators as "she" if the perpetrator wants.

It is NOT NICE!

Amateur law isn't helping anyone. You shouldn't be giving a false interpretation of the law. You are wrong.

The Equality Act itself only applies in certain narrow situations around the provision of services. Not here.

This is in no way amateur law and I’m not giving any interpretation of it. I’m simply quoting straight from Section 7 of the EA2010, because it seems to be what the school are applying, but without heeding the need for caution when dealing with young children, as the Act urges, and definitely without regard to safeguarding. I haven’t given any opinion as to the application of the law and there is a whole discussion around this upthread.

Absolutely this.

Yes exactly
Posters throwing in legislation that has no relevance to this situation whatsoever and all it does is muddy the waters

We moved way past this up thread - there was a whole discussion around it, but do feel free to continue the pointless derail. And the legislation is relevant to the discussion as I pointed out way up thread because it’s what the school seem to be applying but without the recommended cautions and safeguarding that should apply to children so young.

You are being defensive Because a number of posters including myself are pointing out your legislation reference is irrelevant.

So I will leave you to argue with yourself and others. Good luck others

I wouldn’t. I was simply replying to the poster who said it was easy to explain that the boy wanted to be a girl without getting into a trans discussion. Simply saying ‘DS we both know this boy is a boy. I am going to have a word with the school about this but in the meantime don’t you worry about it’ is not the same thing. I totally agree with you - there is no point in getting into it beyond what you suggested.

Sorry, I wasn’t aware I was the one arguing. I gave my reasons for quoting the legislation, if you think it’s irrelevant then fine, no problem.