Neighbour asking me to take her to hospital appointments

[BecauseNothing]

A neighbour has asked me to drive her to, stay with her and bring her home from 2 upcoming hospital appointments. The first is in 4 weeks time and the second the week after. I have said I can’t because I’m working and she has asked if I can book the time off. I haven’t replied but this seems cheeky to me after I’d said no. AIBU? I need my annual leave for things with my own family. She has people who visit her who I presume are family and friends but apparently has no one to go with her. I work full time at home and have children so with everything that comes with that I’m busy.

This. ^

I can't believe that ANYone thinks you are being unreasonable @BecauseNothing That is super cheeky. Asking for lifts to hospital from someone who isn't family (or a very close friend) is a bit cheeky anyway, but asking you to take her - and use precious and limited holiday leave - is off the charts cheeky!

As has been said, say 'sorry Joan, I don't have any more holiday leave, so I can't do it.' Mind you, she will very likely still expect you to take her, and have unpaid leave!

And to keep asking when you've said no already is just rude!

Why don't you send a private message to the OP, and ask for this woman's contact details, and take her to hospital yourself.......

Yeah I thought not.

Easy to volunteer other peoples time and labour isn't it? Especially when it's a woman. People LOVE to do that.

100% would bet my house that this woman has not asked any men in the neighbourhood to take her.

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Hospital Transport is very hard to get where I live. They’ve really cut down, and made eligibility very difficult. There are some shuttle buses, but if you have appointments out of these hours you’re stuck. As soon as the taxi arrives, there is £5.30 on the meter. I’ve had quite a few taxis to hospital lately. I do think the OP’s neighbour has a cheek expecting her to drop everything and use her AL to take her, but transport to hospital is becoming increasingly difficult. Bus services might not be very good, or the neighbour might be live a long way from the bus stop, or not be very mobile. With the cost of fuel these days it’s a lot to expect of neighbour and friends. It’s a dilemma that’s only going to increase.

No, don't explain a thing to her as some are suggesting! I have a huge op soon and managed to get myself to my pre op assessment today (miles away) with a combination of Ubers, walking, and strange trains I've never used before as I'm not from the area. I'd never ask anyone but my partner. And he wasn't around today

It's just no. A straight no. Saying no isn't rude. I can't believe what she's asking. It's way, way too much.

Has she ever done you any huge favours?

YANBU. It’s sad if she had nobody to go with her but I’d suggest booking a taxi or that she should ask her relatives. Next time you see her family there speak to them and suggest they may need to step up.

She may be entitled to ambulance transport? Is she older/disabled? Also some hospitals have volunteer driver services too. She should try to access these first. It’s a big imposition for you & not one I would want to do or encourage, she might then consider you her go-to in future!

As already mentioned hospital transport isn’t easy to get. Here I live if your return journey hits around school time taxis are impossible to book. i am surprised at how aggressive some of the responses are though. I can’t drive at the moment and would find it very difficult. When I have had day surgery with a general I needed someone to collect me. I’m not saying the OP should help her regardless that would be unreasonable able but some of the responses are shocking.

I don’t think OP is being unkind

Unfortunately, I think there is a type of person who gets asked for help a lot and if you work at home that’s gonna happen I don’t understand how it can be 2026 and people don’t realise that work at home is work but yeah

I wouldn’t be at all surprised if this lady has other people that she can ask, but she thinks OP gets paid for doing nothing or something like that

If she’s elderly or disabled and has nobody to drive her there she could be entitled to hospital transport . She should contact the hospital and ask them about it .

They suggest you take a taxi!

She probably doesn’t realise that WFH means you are actually working! She probably thinks you are free to do things other than work. A lot of people don’t understand that WFH means working!

I would have to be. I can get a taxi home, but they insist on your having someone to stay with you overnight.

Just say “oh love, cab there and back on both days will cost you A LOT less than paying for my two unpaid leave days. I dont mind sending you some numbers over to book a taxi.”

One of elderly neighbours started doing this, because I work from home. I went with her once, to help her navigate the corridors of the hospital, and quickly became her chauffeur.

It was only went I developed my own life-threatening condition that she granted me indefinite leave of absence 😅

agree. I'm currently single and without kids, so it's not inconceivable that in my old age I might be in that position (although hopefully by then I will either have an AI robot to assist and drive me places!). Because of this I am taking steps now to ensure I will hopefully have alternatives - both financially making sure I have sufficient savings if I need to outsource care and investing in friendships where we can hopefully support one another if needed.

IF I got to a point where, for whatever reason, I didn't have friends or family who could help (i.e. they died before me, we lost contact, they were also in poor health and couldn't drive), I'd make arrangements like a taxi or patient transport.

IF none of these were suitable (e.g. I had to be discharged into someone's care) and I was so desperate a neighbour was my only option, I would firstly explain exactly why I was asking them, why I had no other options, and how much of a help it would be/how grateful I would be AND offer them equivalent compensation, i.e. pay them the amount an annual leave day would 'cost' them, plus petrol, plus a bit more in acknowledgment of the inconvenience, and then get them some nice flowers or a bottle of something after as a thanks.
If they still said no I would be a bit gutted, but ultimately have to accept it.

I wouldn't just make what is quite a cheeky request without offering anything in return.

You don’t have to, but would she be asking if she really did have other options? I would probably do it myself but then I’m a bit of a reluctant hero

It depends-how close you are, if she is willing to do things for you (if able, of course). It is nice to help out if you can, and while I'd never say only do it because you expect her to do something for you, the world is nicer when that happens.
But you know your own circumstances. Could you take some time off, and use that to get other things done you needed to, meaning all your life admin gets up to date, so your remaining leave becomes an actual holiday? Could you combine it with other things you wanted to get done? Is it even possible at your work-at mine we have to plan leave at certain periods with coworkers, so wouldn't even be possible.

AKA a Muggins

there will almost definitely be people in the same situation in your local area, so if you feel so sad about it why not take positive action such as posting offering lifts in your local fb group or on the hospital/gp surgery's noticeboard, rather than guilt tripping OP?

That would actually be a demonstration of being your brother/sister's keeper. Rather than virtue signalling on the internet.

I always wonder who all these people are who have never heard of taxis!

A taxi will cost the neighbour a lot less than a day off lost annual leave costs the OP - it’s much cheaper than a day of holiday club or having to take a day of parental leave further down the line to care for a child.

By all means explain in nicely Op but you’re under no obligation to take her.

I think some people who were SAHMS/ the partner of a SAHM back in the day don’t realise how working age women are just not free for all kinds of favours these days, and how difficult and expensive it is to cover the school holidays!

That is my first thought.

Years ago, I used to help out an elderly neighbour thinking she had no family. Her requests became more than picking up a couple of bits from the shop or changing a light bulb. One day dropped off a card and some flowers to find a house full of local family. Apparently she told them she gave me little jobs to do as she felt sorry for me because I lived alone and it saved her bothering them.

It's always okay to ask but not if you know her person has a job and busy. It's bloody cheeky to ask if you would take annual leave. Her family or friends need to step up.

I am single and although I have kids, my plan for when I’m older is to pay for the things I need - taxis to appointments if I can no longer drive, care etc

It’s sad really. Some appointments or procedures need someone to take them home. I had a knee procedure and the letter said bring a friend or relative as you can’t drive and may feel unwell after.
I hope I never have to ask a neighbour for help like that.

There are some really nasty responses on this thread, presumably from people who, for now, are still at a place in life where they don’t need many hospital appointments and have family and friends healthy and available enough to drive them when they do.

Yes hospital transport and volunteers and taxis exist, but there really nothing wrong with asking a neighbour. It wasn’t that long ago when it would be a normal thing to do for your neighbours, and there are still
some nice community minded paces in the country where it would still be no big deal.

She was a bit cheeky to ask for a neighbour’s annual leave to be used for her apartments, but I’d assume that indicates how much she feels she needs the help.

If you live several miles from the hospital, and need several different appointments, as elderly people often do, taxis will eat away at your income . My husband paid £50 for a taxi to the hospital by 07.30 am, in the next county for his knee replacement . Couldn’t get hospital Transport. They’re not concerned with how you get there.