Neighbour asking me to take her to hospital appointments

[BecauseNothing]

A neighbour has asked me to drive her to, stay with her and bring her home from 2 upcoming hospital appointments. The first is in 4 weeks time and the second the week after. I have said I can’t because I’m working and she has asked if I can book the time off. I haven’t replied but this seems cheeky to me after I’d said no. AIBU? I need my annual leave for things with my own family. She has people who visit her who I presume are family and friends but apparently has no one to go with her. I work full time at home and have children so with everything that comes with that I’m busy.

I wouldn't be trying to couch this nicely tbh. It's massively rude of her to ask you to take annual leave in order to do her a favour. This needs the firm rebuttal of 'I'm not willing to take annual leave for this. You need to ask your own family.'

Asking once, ok but asking you to take annual leave is inappropriate

Nonsense 🙄

If desperate surely they would have explained why other options were ruled out.

Yes, similar thread quite recently. People of a certain age don't understand the WFH commitments. My last neighbours (late 70's) were previously employed as electrician and cleaner - stuff you can't do from home. The concept of me sat at a laptop, at home, during the day, 9-5, was utterly alien to them (popping over to say "hi" at 4pm, "are you having your tea"? & "can you sort out this parking ticket for me" etc.

I had an eye appointment last year, no driving. Got a cab £20 there and another cab £20 home. That's not always possible for the elderly. Same department earlier this year there was an elderly woman there when I arrived at 10.30am, still there in the same seat when I left after 2pm. I asked if she was OK; she said she was waiting for Hospital transportation, mentioned she'd hadn't thought to bring a drink or a snack with her and was hungry, couldn't risk going three floors down to the cafe in case she missed the call to collect her.

@BecauseNothing
Tell her you can't because you're busy and no 2 days for you are the same so you can't just take time out as you'd like in case a true family emergency arises
Suggest that one of her "visitors" does the honours
I know you're a lovely person, but why did she ever ask you to start with; a bit cheeky!

Its not always the case that family won't do it, sometimes they can't. My mum has a lot of hospital appointments. My and my sibling try and get time off to take her when we can but sometimes we are just not able to get the time off - I've used all my annual leave for this year now, plus at busy times at work we are just not allowed time off.

My mum is 85 with mobility issues so a taxi wouldn't work as she needs someone to push her in a wheelchair. Sayng that though, on the odd occasion one of us can't get her there, she uses the hospital provided patient transport. We tell the hospital nobody is available to take her, they arrange it for her.

She can book patient transport if she doesn’t have anyone to take her. DH has appointments at a regional hospital and at the moment he can’t drive so books that.

Maybe so, but you did not even want to mention patient transport, or suggest church groups to her, I find that rather sad.

Then you get a taxi or transport service or Uber.

Your neighbour doesn't owe you transportation. They shouldn't be asked again after they've said no the first time. They shouldn't be asked to give up multiple days of leave, since this is not a one time thing.

She’s been on the planet for nearly 80 years, she’ll know as much about these things as I do, possibly more. She uses the internet so will be able to find out for herself. I don’t need another task to do and think she’d have tried to get me to sort it for her if I mentioned it. She’s more than capable.

Volunteer and community transport may be available.

Did she say what the appointments were for? If it was for cancer treatment, I'd say yes but if it's for routine "oh let's get all the elderly folk who can't get here easily in for a waste of everyone's time and energy" sort of appointment that hospitals seem to love doing, then I'd give it a wide berth. I think context is important here.

Having got caught out having to care for an elderly neighbour after cataract surgery and 4 weeks each time of dog walking/eye drops 4 times a day, I'm very wary now and always ask what it's for.

People of a certain age don't understand the WFH commitments.

I think it's more just some people.
I know many older people who fully understand what WFH means, they're not stupid.

Ok, you know more about her, then anybody on this thread. She may be a bit desperate, that's all.

She almost certainly isn’t having a GA if she’s asking OP to take her, wait a couple of hours and then drive her home again. She could just as easily get a taxi, but presumably doesn’t want to because then she’ll have to pay for it. She’s a complete CF to question it once OP has already said no, and to ask her to use her annual leave from work to do so. Mind boggling.

Older people seem to have an aversion to taxis for some reason. Next time the carers or family rock up - mention it to them - its their responsibility to sort for her.

She might be, but I told her I couldn’t due to work. It was cheeky to ask again when I’d said no in my opinion. She has a month to sort it out so it’s not like she’s under immediate pressure.

You have said no and that is your answer. She is definitely being rude/selfish for asking after you have already told her you can't take time off work. Your leave is for you and your children/family. So no, you are not being unreasonable at all. Taking leave for this woman, based on what you have described your relationship to be, would be unreasonable.

That is very cheeky-why would you want to use your precious annual leave on her hospital appointments so none of her friends and family have to!?

I wouldn't give any further explanations - eg I have no annual leave left - because you declined, gave an explanation you are working and her next step was to proceed to try to remove your objection rather than accept no for an answer.
I would just say no, as I stated previously I'm not able to give you a lift and then I would give her nrs for taxis / uber / hospital transport / dial-a-ride / local volunteer scheme and wish her luck. If she askes me to phone these or assist in any way further I would just say sorry, no I can't help you. She has proven herself to be persistant and cheeky so needs firm discouragement without rudeness.

Unless the hospital is literally 2 mins drive away up a steep hill or something then YANBU. Some people do tend to think neighbours can be called on for favours in the same way family can.

I would be extremely unimpressed if a neighbour asked me to use annual leave to drive them around, unless they had managed to chop a finger off or gone into labour or some other genuine emergency.

She was also very rude to ask again when you'd already said no. I can't bloody stand people who do that.

Just reply sorry it is not possible to use A/L you will need to find someone else to take you I am afraid.

Very cheeky to expect you to take leave.

I agree. There are very few people who would ask this of someone they only know a little. She has probably already asked the people she knows well. That definitely doesn’t mean you are obligated to do it though.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5544327-aibu-to-refuse-weekly-lifts-to-a-neighbours-hospital-appointments?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

I find these responses a little sad. No it’s not OP’s responsibility. But OP’s neighbour is probably feeling scared and lonely. They may not be allowed to leave hospital without a companion. There may be no family nearby who can help. For the sake of being my brother‘s / sister’s keeper, I hope I’d try to help if I possibly could.