Neighbour asking me to take her to hospital appointments

[BecauseNothing]

A neighbour has asked me to drive her to, stay with her and bring her home from 2 upcoming hospital appointments. The first is in 4 weeks time and the second the week after. I have said I can’t because I’m working and she has asked if I can book the time off. I haven’t replied but this seems cheeky to me after I’d said no. AIBU? I need my annual leave for things with my own family. She has people who visit her who I presume are family and friends but apparently has no one to go with her. I work full time at home and have children so with everything that comes with that I’m busy.

She's not old and isolated. She doesn't want her own children to have to take personal leave days from work ... but happy to try to get the OP to do it.

no, not everything goes to plan which is why sensible and responsible people take ownership of the things you can control. Things like where you live ARE usually within the control of most people. Getting older and less able to drive, and more likely to develop health issues is not some sort of surprise development nobody could be expected to have foreseen - it's a completely predictable, if anything almost inescapable, part of aging.

There are very few places in the UK as rural as the poster who referred to the only public transport being a bus that goes twice a week, which was who I was responding to. Living that rurally isn't some sort of accidental circumstance people fall into without realising, it's a very deliberate choice.

You can't get all the benefits of open space and quiet living and then do shocked pikachu sadface that there isn't a bus running 4 times an hour every day on the off chance you might want to use it once a year.

The very cheapest places to live aren't in the middle of the countryside miles from anywhere, they are in deprived areas, where there is public transport (albeit sometimes the sort you wouldn't want to get late at night) so don't play the poverty card.

Yes, this!! The absolute cheek of her….

Have you read the thread? The neighbour has children but she’s doesn’t want to ask them because of their jobs. She doesn’t mind asking OP though as OP only works from home.

I do judge her for picking on a woman neighbour who works from home and asking her to take a day off work rather than asking her own children to book a day off work.

And it makes me sad that people are still picking on women and expecting them to book off annual leave to help a stranger.

All because the neighbour doesn’t want to bother her own kids and ask them to take a day off.

So, you’d be happy to help any/all nearby elderly people, would you? You will happily use your annual leave to help them to all their appointments, so that they don’t need to even ask their actual friends or family?

So it’s right for neighbour to protect her own family by taking up OP’s precious annual leave that she pays thousands for? NO.

Absolutely. I would. I love the elderly, and feel a strong sense of community and collective responsibility. OP doesn't have to feel the same and nor do you. No one asked OP to help any and all, it was a neighbour who asked her, not a passing stranger.

Perhaps her family don't help her and she's embarrassed to say that, maybe the relationships are strained. Maybe she doesn't want them to know she's ill. Maybe she's a chancer.....or mumsnettter's favourite 'CF', but that wouldn't be my default position, personally, though it does seem to be the Mumsnet concensus.

when i needed an op I called on friends to help but in a way that caused them the least inconvenience - once friend dropped me in, another picked me up. I didnt expect anyone to stay with me. I arranged a family member to look after me the first few days post op. Its a bit inconsiderate that she is putting it all on you and asking you to use your leave up on her. Maybe you could offer a lift in or lift home but say thats all you can do.

This is the correct answer.

Are you talking about Patient Transport? I was advised to get them involved by the clinic I had to attend over a year ago. Still no callback. Fortunately, it turned out to be unnecessary.
I wouldn't have dreamt of asking a random neighbour though!

Yes. Especially if she is old..That is sad..If she is old, Age UK could help.

Why are you even questioning this? She's a CF. She can get a taxi or arrange hospital transport.

I think asking was fine, but following up the ops no with suggesting she use annual leave was taking the piss. Any working mum with children knows how annual leave is 125% measured out for the kids needs. I buy leave to manage.

in the context of she has family but they work, even just asking a neighbour who is a working mum is really taking the piss. If you want favours from your neighbours, don’t treat them like they are disposable. None of these warm it takes a village comments acknowledge that. It takes a village goes both ways.

Those of us who work from home / do voluntary work are assumed to be able to drop everything at a moment's notice, or arrange for someone to take over our duties. It is not so. Tell this person that your time is limited, because you have responsibilities and deadlines, and you cannot squander it on to-ing and fro-ing.

WTF? So her children can't take time off, but she expects you to?

This is all astonishing. There are options. NHS do hospital transport, which she might be eligible for. There's also Uber and buses. I had to go for some hideous investigations a couple of days ago. I didn't presurise family members of friends.

However, it's really not your problem.

@Alee36, your response is astonishing. OP seems like a lovely and supportive lady. Why on earth should she take time off to run her neighbour around? Honest to God, I do sometimes wonder. The neighbour is being really invasive, and appears to be trying to bully her into doing this run for her.

you don't need to do this OP. It won't make you a horrid person.