Neighbour asking me to take her to hospital appointments

[BecauseNothing]

A neighbour has asked me to drive her to, stay with her and bring her home from 2 upcoming hospital appointments. The first is in 4 weeks time and the second the week after. I have said I can’t because I’m working and she has asked if I can book the time off. I haven’t replied but this seems cheeky to me after I’d said no. AIBU? I need my annual leave for things with my own family. She has people who visit her who I presume are family and friends but apparently has no one to go with her. I work full time at home and have children so with everything that comes with that I’m busy.

Don't you think people have to take some sort of responsibility? As I've said, I'm currently single and without kids so I consider it MY responsibility to make plans for MY future, whether that's how much I save, where I live, whether I build reciprocal relationships with others so we can help one another out as needed...

If I wanted to move to the middle of the countryside without any public transport - well, I wouldn't because it's a very foreseeable issue if you can't drive, but if I DID, I'd make sure I had more than enough money for taxis.

Even if bus services have been cut, I can't believe that they've gone from every 20 minutes to twice a week.

It's patronising to assume this is some poor old lady with no other option. She's in her 70s, mobile phones and the internet have been a 'thing' for nearly half her life, she uses hers to book cinema tickets etc., and has children who can help her.

is there a reason she can’t use one or is it too expensive? I do understand if you’ve got health issues there may be reasons you can’t, but if she can drive and going into town and stuff I’m thinking that is a bit less likely

She's a headteacher. Has been for 30 years and a Maths teacher before that.
She's seen over the years the damage smartphones have done to children and their development and not least their behaviour. First secondary and now sometimes even primary. She's not scared of smartphones. She's not scared that it might diminish her intelligence. She just doesn't want one. She has a phone on which she can make calls and text. She has a laptop and a desktop computer on which she can organise her daily life and admin.
She doesn't want to buy a smartphone just for the purpose of parking her car in town. And she's not keeping quiet about it.

Do it once and she will keep asking! She can book a taxi or hospital transport.

Suggest she books hospital transport?

There’s a lot of ignorance in the replies here. Hospital transport in most areas has been drastically cut and is only available to those who meet very strict criteria. In my area, that means being ‘physically unable to travel by any other means’. Being a wheelchair user does not qualify

I tried to get hospital transport for my brother who is in a wheelchair and lives alone. They advised me that he could get a taxi - there are taxis who can accommodate a wheelchair. And it will drop him outside the hospital. So then what does he do? It's not an electric wheelchair, he needs to be pushed. Will the taxi driver locate the appropriate clinic and take him there? And wait for him? And take him home again? I very much doubt it.
So then they started to try to make me feel bad by saying most people had a relative who could help and am I a relative? I am a relative who lives 300 miles away and with the best will in the world, although I visit him by train often, a 600 mile round trip by car which I studiously avoid by taking the train - is a bit much.

I did get the transport in the end but not without one cancelled appointment and a lot of phone calls. So yes. It's not as simple as just 'booking hospital transport'

Hard to muster sympathy then

I think she's taking a stand for people older and less capable than she is.

Exactly. I’m just moving into my first home alone for decades in my 60s. I’ve found somewhere that is easier maintenance with a downstairs bathroom and close to buses and trains deliberately. I’m also being careful with money so I can afford my care in the future. People who move into their dream home rurally on retirement and then moan about the problems accessing shops and hospitals give me the rage.

Don’t worry OP - the vast majority of pps are agreeing with you!

Agreed. Despite my input about how difficult stuff is for older people, in your particular circumstance I think she's being pushy and she needs to find alternative transport. If she has family then they should be the ones helping.

Omg 😦 she’d rather you use your AL rather than her children?!

beware, the rules state that if you are WFH, then you must take her,

because WFH's not really work...and if you don't, then you're worse than the Antichrist

probably huffed a lot of leaded petrol fumes in her time

That’s what would worry me, especially because she’s been pushy anyway. Some people just are entitled. I’ve seen it time and time again on MN. If you say yes the first time they’re even more put out if you won’t do it going forward!

Why does she have to do her neighbours thinking for her?! I struggle to believe the neighbour doesn’t know about those services. Why does she get to treat the OP like a chauffeur or Google? She’s a CF trying to commandeer someone else’s annual leave day for herself

The cheek 😂

Are her children men, with all so more important men jobs by any chance

Why does she have to do her neighbours thinking for her?! I struggle to believe the neighbour doesn’t know about those services.

If she doesn't, perhaps her children can help her. I bet they're sons, though, since they were too important to inconvenience in the first place.

Does she not know what a taxi or hospital transport is?
I wouldn't do it.

This is YABU do YANBU to say no.
however, YABU not being neighbourly nor compassionate or empathetic. Takes little out of your time and may make a difference to her.

no wonder so many people end up being depressed in UK

Don’t make excuses about annual leave. Be upfront - that’s too much of a commitment for you.

Until her death I took my mum to most of her hospital appointments but sometimes that wasn’t possible and she would have to use hospital transport. She wasn’t happy about it because she thought it made her look needy and dependent. Sadly that was the truth in her old age.

Are there no buses or taxis

Especially with kids like this elderly woman has

This is true, a lot of family aren't interested until there's a will.

We have a relative whom we're happy to help, but she'll ask her neighbours or neighbour's husband, people from her numerous groups who aren't really friends, then try and show off that she has friends.
She'll however, be negative about the help she's received.

It's bizarre and we cringe at the thought of these people being roped in.

Asking you not one but twice is cheeky in my book. Especially when she has other options - options she has admitted she has!

I wouldn’t respond unless to say… I’m sure one of your family members will be able to help. And leave it at that.

FFS

The sheer entitlement to put someone they barely know out, and literally cost them time and money, to avoid putting their own loved ones out ... who likely expect things down the line from her to boot.

Your neighbourly is my doormat. This neighbour has literally asked OP, a full time worker with kids, to take annual leave to chauffeur her to and from the hospital not once, but twice but can't be bothered to ask her own kids or ante up for a ride share or taxi. She's a pushy bitch who won't take no for an answer and expects OP to roll over and take vacation time or unpaid leave to chauffeur her to and from not just once, it twice. And it won't stop there. She'll have scripts to pick up and before you know it, OP will be her gofer.

Two days vacation time or unpaid is not a little. It's a whole fucking lot.

OP works to put a roof over her head and food on the table. She has a family to support. Pushy neighbour can find some other gullible doormat. Or her kids. Or she could pay. Or other options.

What help do you think OP can offer her? The neighbour knows how to Google and how to book her tickets online.

If OP offered to book her a taxi, the neighbour would likely feel annoyed and patronised, because the help she wants is a free chauffeur and companion so that she doesn’t disturb her children who have Very Important Jobs outside, unlike OP, who works from home.