Neighbour asking me to take her to hospital appointments

[BecauseNothing]

A neighbour has asked me to drive her to, stay with her and bring her home from 2 upcoming hospital appointments. The first is in 4 weeks time and the second the week after. I have said I can’t because I’m working and she has asked if I can book the time off. I haven’t replied but this seems cheeky to me after I’d said no. AIBU? I need my annual leave for things with my own family. She has people who visit her who I presume are family and friends but apparently has no one to go with her. I work full time at home and have children so with everything that comes with that I’m busy.

That £14 it would cost you in a taxi journey also costs the car driver though-that, plus the person’s time- shouldn’t be ignored.

It feels like some CF feel that they because they don’t want to spend their money on a taxi, that
someone else should just poke up with all the costs/use of their time instead.

What?
No. Absolutely not. And don’t feel guilty.
Just tell you can’t. Tell her there will be hospital transport she can get if she can’t or won’t use public transport or taxis. Or she can contact an Age Concern type charity who might provide transport or there might be a local area coordinator type person via the local authority who can help.
She’s extremely entitled and rude to ask this of someone she doesn’t know well.

She IS cheeky. Looking at replies from OP this neighbour hasn't even bothered asking her own family members and stated that she doesn't want to bother them due to their own work commitments. Yet she's ok asking, being told no then asking her neighbour to use annual leave to accommodate her. What's the betting that she's done this previously with her family and they've got fed up of her demands? Yes she's old but it doesn't entitle her to guilt people into doing what she wants

“Hi, sorry I won’t be taking any more annual leave. If you need someone to attend the appointment with you, it is probably best that you take a family member anyway. Take care & good luck with your appointments.”

I can’t believe they would question it after you have already said you’re not available. I’m sensing a bit of entitlement on her part!

I dont know what country you are in but The UK provides FREE transport for sick patients to hospital, and return trips also. It is a fully equipped, disabled, wheelchair assesable mini bus. Which can be arranged through her GP Surgery.

Not in all cases though. My DH is a double amputee. He’s due for cataract surgery in our cottage hospital and I’ve been told that although I’m also disabled he doesn’t qualify for transport for this kind of surgery. So myself and the carer will be struggling to get him in and out of the car for the second time in a couple of months.

You were right - I see from updates that she hadn't even asked them! My parents were inclined not to ask - I used to say "Just ASK us - one of the 4 (including my nephew they brought up) of us will almost certainly be able to do it, but we're not mind readers!"

I have a neighbour who is forever asking fellow neighbours to do similar lifts, despite having a daughter who drives and doesn't work.

Sorry but I have not read all 13 pages! In case someone mentioned this type of thing. But we have a service here called Driving Miss Daisy or something similar. Specifically for hospitals and appointments for elders. They wait, and will accompany a person if needed. There are other companies too, I just remember the name of this one. Not as ‘free’ as asking a neighbour, but could be an option if she’s stuck.

That would be lovely, but my GP surgery does not do this

Hope you said ‘Just like me!!!’
As you WFH, she probably thinks you can just drop everything and nip out.
Most Hospitals run an ambulance (sometimes taxi) service to transport people (elderly/mobility problems). Usually a contact no on appointment letter. My mum uses service and it’s good.

Sorry but I find it absolutely extraordinary that she has asked you TWICE even though you said you couldn’t due to leave/other commitments before she even asked her one kids. That is cheeky and you shouldn’t feel even the slightest bit awkward about saying that you can’t.

If she is about to undergo treatment for cancer, she might not want her family to know. She should be entitled to hospital transport if she is unable to drive. I do hope it's nothing serious. My late MIL didn't want us to know and we didn't find out she had cancer until after she passed away.

Take it from one whose been in this situation a lot - I been there with older relatives and neighbours -don’t start - l took voluntary redundancy in 2016 - my daughter was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes AGE NINE and the stress of caring for her stopped me ever returning to work but so called neighbours and some so called friends thought l was doing nowt all day while my daughter was in school - school often rang me as her levels were unstable or she was unwell - that’s what hospital transport is for - give the neighbour the local number for hospital transport and she can sort herself out - PLUS YOU WORK ANYWAY SO YOU'RE TIME IS PRECIOUS - don’t start is my advice

I would hate to have to do this even for a loved one . Hanging around a hospital for hours is so tedious . But obviously I would suck it up and do it for my family . No way in hell would I do it for a neighbour . And no way would I ever ask a neighbour to do it for me .

I agree dont start it up then its presumed. Op people very pushy now. Its your whole day gone too

It's acceptable for her to ask, and it's acceptable to say no. However, pushing it and asking you to take leave is very entitled behaviour.....

In my area I believe the hospital arranges transport for the elderly or infirm. Perhaps she just wants company and reassurance? Regardless, you shouldn't feel guilty or obligated

How strange people are sometimes! It is also strange how anyone should feel it is wrong to just say no. There is no need to make any excuses up, lies are just not necessary, either. Simply saying no, sorry, I can’t help, full stop, is enough.

That's pretty shocking, OP. I would respond telling her you find her asking you before she's even tried her own children to be hugely disrespectful and you'll have to rethink your friendship with her.

Dear me, she clearly thinks you only pretend to work.

I totally agree with this, there is “how dare she ask” here that leaves a bad taste. My mum lived alone and died of lung cancer a few years ago. I was in poor health myself (also living alone) 150 miles away and housebound so I couldn’t help her. She went through chemo alone but neighbours were supportive. It was a different type of community I suppose. Makes me sad.

I find it so odd that she’s chosen a working parent to ask for help. Not a neighbour who’s retired, or a youngster without their own children, or even someone on mat leave who isn’t working. Maybe she never worked and just doesn’t get it! The mind boggles.

No one is saying that she couldn't ask a neighbour for a lift. The problem was in not taking no for an answer and expecting g the OP to take annual leave to accommodate her! The neighbour does have other people she can and should ask!

If you don't want to do it don't. No need to judge her for asking or yourself for denying.

We are free to choose.

Why worrying if it's right or not?

No guilt, you can't save the world

You're not unreasonable for saying no. Or feeling how you feel.

If she is older and therefore vulnerable, this is very sad imo. She has perhaps overestimated the closeness of the relationship, or is of another era, where older people were looked after and prioritised collectively in the community, or she has no other options and is desperate. Asking for help isn't cheeky imo, it's a Doctor's appointment, she's not asking to be chauffeured around for a jolly.

Personally, I wouldn't hesitate to help an older isolated person in my community, but that doesn't mean that you have to.