Neighbour asking me to take her to hospital appointments

[BecauseNothing]

A neighbour has asked me to drive her to, stay with her and bring her home from 2 upcoming hospital appointments. The first is in 4 weeks time and the second the week after. I have said I can’t because I’m working and she has asked if I can book the time off. I haven’t replied but this seems cheeky to me after I’d said no. AIBU? I need my annual leave for things with my own family. She has people who visit her who I presume are family and friends but apparently has no one to go with her. I work full time at home and have children so with everything that comes with that I’m busy.

If you spent hundreds of pounds buying annual leave you’d use up 1-2 days of it taking a neighbour somewhere? When she could just arrange a taxi?

Unbelievable! She asked you before her own children!

And she thinks they may have to work 🤯🤯
Well they can take AL I guess!

Be firm op. As I found helping people its never a one off appointment. She was def really cheeky.

So you get a taxi from the hospital

And there we have it.
A CF who couldn't give a toss about you, your time or imposing on you.
Protecting her busy important children.🤨

Like I wrote I came across this with several of my neighbours.

It pissed me off and I was a lot cooler going forward.

One neighbour had 5 bloody local children and she thought my husband could cut her near one third acre urban garden.

Honestly OP, I would really pull back from her.

Just say no
once you start this sort of thing you’ll be tied into it!

I was offered a drink and a husband of one of the nieces introduced himself, I said I am XXXX and I live opposite and he said 'Oh you're the one who .. He was a few glasses in and was stirring the pot.

.

The expense, presumably. Consider how much you spend on having a smartphone per month, x 12 = cost per annum. I'm not about to question my neighbour (I believe she is 73) as to her income and outgoings, what is her pension entitlement. I know her dental appointment (extractions) was over £300. I know there are dozens of threads about the rich pensioners, but that does not apply here. I know a couple of other ladies locally that do not have smartphones. That don't have internet connections (my elderly exMIL, aged 93).

Agreed- a lot of unkind people out there. I hope that someone treats them kindly if they’re ever in a similar situation rather than the unpleasant way they approach life.

She didn’t even ask her own children or family!!!

The neighbour asked OP - op said no and then CF neighbour continued to pressure by asking her to take leave!!… there is one clear person here who isn’t kind and it’s not the op!

I bet the neighbours children are boys and are therefore too important to leave their work !

she not entitled to ask you to take leave, that's well cheaky

No matter how responsible you are, life doesn’t always go to plan. Not everyone can afford to live in areas with good public transport and things like health problems or disability can affect anyone. Old age especially tends to dramatically reduce a person’s social network. No matter how many friends you think you’ve built up, you’d be surprised how many will vanish if you ever become needy, We can’t control everything no matter how much we like to believe we can.

My reply wasn’t aimed at the OP. It was about the endless ‘Just get a taxi; Just get hospital transport’ comments, showing real ignorance and/or immaturity. OP is working so of course they cannot help this neighbour out and the neighbour shouldn’t have pushed it any further.

In the UK, you are generally entitled to ask for anything you want,, but there is no automatic legal entitlement to receive it.

She was definitely cheeky though.

Saying No to someone is not unkind
Always CF cant stand the word No and push boundaries and then move onto manipulation/ guilt tripping to get what they want
Neighbour asked, Op said No
She pushed again and told her to take leave
Thats not being kind ...

Those are perfectly reasonable responses and I have no idea why you think its ignorant or immature to suggest them?
Very strange response

I find it very odd when people say they don’t have friends or family locally so would have to do this. If you don’t know anyone begin by being a good kind neighbour yourself, helping others and connecting with your near community. Then when you need help people are aware and will offer.

You cant expect to take without giving and being in relationship with people around you. If anyone told my mum of someone ill within reach she’d be round with s shepherd’s pie like a flash. Guess what lots of people have shown care to her. My dad just looked after himself but when he became elderly complained about not seeing anyone, but as far as I know he wasn’t looking out for other people and showing care to them.

Some people will inconvenience anyone rather than their own children. Because their children are important and have big important jobs they can’t possibly take time off from.

Older people don't get that you can work full time at home and so think you must be available. It is very reasonable of you to say no. It's cheeky of her to ask you to book holiday but she's probably feeling anxious about the appointments.
I would suggest hospital transport which is normally free or low cost, this will make you feel better about declining and help her out. A volunteer will pick her up and get her there in plenty of time, rises are often shared with other patients. Google volunteer hospital transport and the name of the local hospital or area and it should come up, give her the phone number.

Having read your update I hope the "be kind" brigade feel as foolish as they should.

Hospital transport isn’t just provided by the hospital.

When DH goes he gets picked up by a volunteer service in a car, often he is in the car with 3 other people. It takes much longer than driving, and you have to wait a long time to get picked up or get picked up super early.

I need to know more!!

What did you say once he'd said that?? And did your neighbour look at all shame faced?!

Agree!
Grown adults who want to impose themselves or their problems onto others are a case of being unreasonable.

I've taken the train after surgery, and needed extra time to recover just from the journey itself as every jolt when the train stopped was agony. (Lied about a taxi).

Made it home and slept for days.
I was sharing a house with two other people, but didn't ask as they were working and rushed off their feet.

There's always a way if neighbour doesn't qualify for hospital transport, thing is, most people want the easiest option.

OP is convenient as she's close by and once she agrees, she'll be on neighbour's speed dial.

Of course people want the easiest option if they’ve had surgery and are in pain, in which case, it’s shocking they don’t get hospital transport!

I live seven miles away from my hospital, and every time I get a taxi there it’s £14 on average. Sometimes several trips are involved. They shouldn’t have made it so difficult to get hospital transport.Perhaps have a small charge eg £5. Not everyone is surrounded by friends and family.

Exactly.
It can happen within families.

My dear old friend needed firm words from me.

She is generous and kind and her two retired siblings with 3 children each living close by started asking her, a busy woman with a full time job, to take THEM to appointments rather than bother their busy children.

I pointed out that they were taking the piss and if the tables were turned there is no way she would dream of bothering them, nor would they be available.

She needed to hear it because she knew it was true.
She was 100% being used.

She pushed back gently and her sister came out with it, she "hated to bother her busy children".

My friend IS busy too, but the one way expectations were strong.