AIBU to think toddler groups are reasonably for parents, not childminders?

[Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar]

I've seen a couple of posts on Facebook now from toddler groups or mum and baby groups requesting that childminders do not attend and that it's for parents and children.

These are those small church hall or community centre type groups, where there's toys, you get a biscuit and sing wheels on the bus, then go home for nap time, that sort of thing.

AIBU to think that actually, that's quite reasonable? They usually have limited space because they are in church halls, and are popular. They aren't just for babies and toddlers IMO they are a lifeline for parents, usually mums and provide support and a chance to make friends with other mums, connect, ask for advice, breastfeed in comfort, have a hot cup of tea they didn't need to make themselves, and get some adult conservation for a bit. Baby and toddlerhood can be such an isolating time.

I get that children love it and it's a shame for them to miss out just because their parents are at work, but surely it's there for the benefits of parents just as much of not more, and childminders shouldn't be clogging up the spaces?

I remember going to a toddler group in a church hall and there was grandparents and childminders there and it made no difference because it teaches the children to share and take turns and also to tidy up.They aren't always free and I don't see a problem with who takes them!

I totally agree with you - there are several playgroups that I don’t go to anymore as it was just full of childminders who were more interested in chatting to each other or scrolling on their phone instead of supervising the (many!) children they were meant to be looking after.

Also as a SAHM, I’ve found it hard to meet other Mums as the playgroups are just over run with childminders who aren’t interested in making friends

You were "able to do so much more" - but the toddlers looked after by childminders were able to do so much less, because they were no longer welcome at your group.

They should be for everyone.

Would you ban foster carers?

good point!

Yes, this is what we found. The childminders and their charges were taking up 50% minimum of the group's capacity. They didn't want to socialise, except with each other. They didn't need any of the signposting, advice and referrals we offered and because of them we had no choice but to turn away people who needed us.
Once childminders were gone, we were still at maximum capacity but everyone got in.
It was a tough decision but 100% the right one.

I agree. Not for like a childminder bringing one or two children in because I wouldn’t even know it wasn’t their children. But I was at a playgroup once when a childminder brought 5 toddlers in. They were running wild and one person cannot control all 5 in a big church hall so loads of other parents had to step in to help.
To be fair they didn’t come back!

No, these small church type toddler groups are primarily intended to provide a supportive network for the mums stuck at home, entertaining the children is a secondary function. Well, that’s how it worked on the one that I ran.

This was my experience too. Our local childminder was a huge support! She was also a parent with her own dc, as well as her mindees. I just don't think the situation is that clear cut.

It seems like the issue is actually that your area doesn't have enough toddler groups to meet the demand, and it would probably be better to direct feelings about that into setting up and running groups, rather than picking a group to be cross at and try to exclude.

I’ve been to toddler groups as a nanny and as a mum. Each experience fostered at least one relationship.
Same way as a nanny I became friends with mums from school, some of whom became friends with the parents via that connection with the children.

Also, many are advertised as parent/carer toddler groups to include all primary carers to encourage a wider community to draw upon.

Your reaction comes across, to me, as elitism. I don’t think raising children is the place for that for a community group.

Yes. We were able to do the work we set out to do, the reason we started, the reason we were given the hall and equipment to use in the first place.
The childminders simply weren't our target audience and people that needed us and who we could help weren't getting in because of them.

Respectfully, I don't know why it's hard to grasp the concept of us being volunteer run, not for profit, and wanting to do a specific thing for a specific demographic which we were then able to achieve once we put in that rule.

That would be illegal as childminder ratios are no more than 3 children under the age of 5 including their own.

I would think it’s more in the intention of the organisers - if for instance they want to support women who may feel isolated caring for their children, or if it was to give toddlers something to do and socialise. Also, what type of childminder? If it’s a 1:1 childminder I wouldn’t care so much but the childminders that run from their own homes that have multiple children from different families I would think is reasonable to say no to, as that’s more outsourcing your work.

Not quite illegal! Unwise maybe.
3 under 5s is the guidance but 6 under 8s is the legal limit.

So is it only open to parents that are not at work during the sessions? Those parents who are at work are penalised along with their child! How is this fair? A nominal fee could be charged/a donation given.

My mother was my childminder. She met a young woman who told her about a nearby toddler group and my my mother and daughter went for 5 days a week for 18 months. It was very good for both of them. My mother would have been very upset had she been told they couldn’t attend and the young mums liked having someone older there too.

I've met so many childminders in these kinds of groups and never thought this....guess what, my child played with the kid they were minding.

Agree 💯. I actually think it's super weird a childminder would even go to something like that. Why would the parents allow it? I'd want my child at home being taken care of and trips like that reserved for me, as the actual parent.

And quite right: if spaces are limited, then priority needs to be actual parents, for the reasons you listed. They will be the ones who can't afford childminders to give them a rest(!)

As a parent who attended them and who sat and chatted with the childminders who I subsequently sent my kids to, I absolutely think childminders should be allowed. My kids loved the groups and it was one of the (many) reasons I chose a child minder over a nursery. My kids got to interact with children of a range of ages, form friendly relationships with adults and children and learn nursery rhymes etc.

Did you read what I wrote? YOU may have gained from your policy - but some CHILDREN, who were not in your chosen demographic, missed out.

It's a choice you made, which is fine, but you should acknowledge that it had consequences for others.

Are we gatekeeping toddler groups now? Weird.

What next? Only parents are allowed to do school picks up in case you want to make mum friends on the playground?

As a new twin mum I was once told at a group, by a queen bee mum, and in front of one of the organisers that I was taking up too many spaces and must have stopped another mum from attending by bringing two toddlers. The organiser stared at her shoes and obviously agreed.

I was a much hardier mum by the time they were toddlers. I'd experienced all manner of nonsense - nowhere close to the actual playing area to leave buggies, buggies needing to be left at the bottom of steep steps despite obvious alternative and more fire safe places to put them; not being allowed to carry in babies in carseats despite having two babies who couldn't support their own heads to carry at the same time. Being criticised in stage whispers for breastfeeding two at the same time because there is always a tiny bit more skin on show. Being criticised for bottle-feeding.

Lots of new mums are just the bullies they were at school and will be swaying power-crazed organisers. People can just be nuts about all sorts of things with playgroups.

I got very little except grief and irritation out of most groups. My toddlers liked to go in different directions. It was stressful. I went to groups because they liked them. They liked being out, babbling at new faces, they got to snatch toys off a toddler who wasn't their sibling, and enjoyed testing the weird special safety features in local venues - like chairs in front of a bar area at one end of the room, and a floor to ceiling balloon feature pre-installed for a wedding that evening - with nothing except a verbal request at the beginning of the session not to touch it at the other...

For a short time I went to a twin group, until the council closed it. The only person I really remember from there was a childminder, a young American girl. I learned a lot about childcare from her and she learned a lot about taking care of twins from us. That was support.

Also this.

Spot on!
I can't believe that this is real.
My fantastic childminder took my son to multiple activities and playgroups which my son benefited greatly from.
I'm sure my childminder might have felt lonely and isolated too if she wasn't able to attend.
You are being unbelievably discriminatory OP.

Spot on!
I can't believe that this is real.
My fantastic childminder took my son to multiple activities and playgroups which my son benefited greatly from.
I'm sure my childminder might have felt lonely and isolated too if she wasn't able to attend.
You are being unbelievably discriminatory OP.