AIBU to think toddler groups are reasonably for parents, not childminders?

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I've seen a couple of posts on Facebook now from toddler groups or mum and baby groups requesting that childminders do not attend and that it's for parents and children.

These are those small church hall or community centre type groups, where there's toys, you get a biscuit and sing wheels on the bus, then go home for nap time, that sort of thing.

AIBU to think that actually, that's quite reasonable? They usually have limited space because they are in church halls, and are popular. They aren't just for babies and toddlers IMO they are a lifeline for parents, usually mums and provide support and a chance to make friends with other mums, connect, ask for advice, breastfeed in comfort, have a hot cup of tea they didn't need to make themselves, and get some adult conservation for a bit. Baby and toddlerhood can be such an isolating time.

I get that children love it and it's a shame for them to miss out just because their parents are at work, but surely it's there for the benefits of parents just as much of not more, and childminders shouldn't be clogging up the spaces?

Where do you draw the line though? Is it acceptable for Grandparents to bring children? I don't think it matters personally, yes it's a good opportunity to meet other parents, but at one time it was considered wrong for Dad's to go to these groups! I wouldn't want a child to miss out on the interaction with other kids just because their parents had to work.

Most childminders I know are parents and choose the profession to work around their children.

YABU.

My childminder used to take my kids to those sessions & it was good for them as it meant they could still connect with children from our village despite me being back at work.

Yes this is exactly it.

Quite!

It's kind of annoying me the way people are saying "why can't they?" and "why shouldn't they?"

I don't know if they're being rhetorical or not but I've already explained more than once why I think they can't or shouldn't.

Can people just disagree with my reasons please instead of asking for them when I've already given them as have several others.

In principle, I have no issues with childminders at these groups.

In practice, they tend to be far far more likely in my experience to completely ignore their charges who run around and are badly behaved.

When mine were little there was one really great group with cool equipment which was strictly no phones and the childminders all ignored it. Says it all.

Childminders throw off the adult child ratio. Most of these groups are meant to be fairly highly supervised. When someone shows up with a roster of children, it changes the dynamic.

When DD was that age we always ended up giving up on places that group care situations decided to attend.

I would wade in to tell you what you obviously already know, but I'm not even a mum, so therefore shouldn't even be here , the interloper that I am.

It's a silly comment though really, isn't it?

"Parents should find their own support system" they literally are? They're going to a group intended for them?

Maybe childminders should find their own support system.

Way to penalise the working parent!

The groups are for the toddlers etc. I don't understand why you find this so incredibly hard to understand and want to proactively exclude non mothers

It’s important that childminders and nannies do have adult conversation. These people are looking after your most precious possessions-would you not want them to have the benefit of things which we know help with mental health of women with children at home? I know I would.

Similar here, I stopped going because there were only 20 spaces in the free local church hall group and it was a turn up and queue set up. There would be a group of 5 childminders together at the front of the queue every week, taking 3/4 of the places. It was advertised as come along for support with breastfeeding, make friends etc etc.

Some weeks individual mum's and dads were being turned away. It all felt really awkward. They and the children they brought tended to stick together, leaving an odd set up with 4 or 5 parents being left in a separate small group. Maybe it wouldn't have mattered if the numbers were more balanced?

It's already been explained why, several times by several people

When I was a new mum and feeling vulnerable it compounded the loneliness that all the childminders knew each other and did the same circuit of groups each week. I totally get the benefit to them and why they'd like to attend, but I would personally have preferred groups that were just parents.

I'm more concerned by certain mothers' behaviour - chatting away and ignoring their children and behaviour. Great for the mothers' socialising, not so much much for children impacted by unsupervised behaviour of other children. It goes both ways

I agree with OP. Think these groups benefit both children and parents. It’s a good place for parents to connect with each other!

I had a great support system and absolutely no interest whatsoever in speaking to another soul at those groups except my own child. Am I allowed to go?

My niece is 2. Am I allowed to take her or is it only struggling lonely parents...?

There can be groups set up for new parents to meet and support each other if you want but the standard toddler group model is for toddlers and any adult willing to take and supervise said toddler should be allowed to attend.

That doesn't make any sense, OP.

I used to take my own DC to the baby groups, and I liked chatting to the childminders. Some became friends and the kids they looked after had playdates with mine.

The childminders WERE part of my support network. And I wouldn't have met them if not for the toddler playgroup.

As has indeed the view that toddlers groups are for, erm, toddlers - and still the OP doesn't get it and wants to exclude toddlers' carers

Think it’s absolutely lovely that toddlers get to spend time with their peers.

I was a working mum and DH took DC to “Mums and Tots” - the kids loved it. He felt ostracised by some who had old fashioned views.

They persevered and DC made great friends

That was our take home from this very brief time in child’s life. It worked but wouldn’t have if someone was gatekeeping who could attend.

I go to one; I’d say the ratio at my local is 40% nannies, 40% grandparents, and about 20% parents. 🤷‍♀️ it’s a lovely little local group. I’d like to hope they didn’t make it just parents

I saw a post to this effect on Facebook today asking childminders not to come to a toddlers group and I’m not sure I agree.
I actually feel it’s indirectly discriminating against parents who work and their children.
Yes they are an opportunity for parents to get out and meet other parents while their children play, but surely they are also for building the social skills of the children? I know they should get that in their childminders home, but personally I’d be really pleased if my childminder was taking my child to a group like this.
And I don’t follow the logic that a childminder somehow gets to ‘do less’ if they are at a toddler group. They are still responsible for them, still have to supervise, monitor their safety on play equipment, manage any difficult interactions with other kids.
I understand if spaces are limited, that’s a bit different. I think it’s fair then to prioritise parents, and probably kinship carers/grandparents. Would you include foster carers? I’m a social worker and generally it is expected that foster carers take children to activities and groups like this, it’s good for their development.
Trickier if it’s turn up sort of situation, but if booking is required I think I would be fair to have a general statement that says
‘We like to welcome all people who look after children wherever possible. However if demand is high we will need to give priority to parents, family carers and foster carers. Therefore please book in advance to avoid disappointment’.

The bottom line is, these are not-for-profit groups, run by volunteers. They can target a certain demographic if they want to, and they can decide to put restrictions in place if they feel that they are not reaching the audience they set the group up for.

There are legitimate reasons why childminders are sometimes disallowed. They are not personal, just practical.

Our group was much more inclusive and able to do so much more of what we set out to do once we stopped allowing childminders and I am glad we made that tough decision. It was 100% worth the social media backlash and our attendees agreed.