AIBU to think toddler groups are reasonably for parents, not childminders?

[Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar]

I've seen a couple of posts on Facebook now from toddler groups or mum and baby groups requesting that childminders do not attend and that it's for parents and children.

These are those small church hall or community centre type groups, where there's toys, you get a biscuit and sing wheels on the bus, then go home for nap time, that sort of thing.

AIBU to think that actually, that's quite reasonable? They usually have limited space because they are in church halls, and are popular. They aren't just for babies and toddlers IMO they are a lifeline for parents, usually mums and provide support and a chance to make friends with other mums, connect, ask for advice, breastfeed in comfort, have a hot cup of tea they didn't need to make themselves, and get some adult conservation for a bit. Baby and toddlerhood can be such an isolating time.

I get that children love it and it's a shame for them to miss out just because their parents are at work, but surely it's there for the benefits of parents just as much of not more, and childminders shouldn't be clogging up the spaces?

Three I went to were run by childminders.

They were called ‘toddler groups’ when I took mine, nothing mentioned about parents. There were mums, dads, foster parents, aunties, grandmas, grandads, childminders and Nannie’s accompanying the toddlers. All welcome and lovely friendly places.

If they had that rule where Ilive there would be no one there. All the parents are working and the child minders are looking after the kids.

YABU toddler group’s should be for anyone who wants to access them. There used to be a couple at one I went to. So parents could see how the child minder interacted with children in their care. Some parents that went to the group had them care for their children. Especially with the cost of living now child minders are hardly raking it in.

YABU.

I guess that means that grandparents can’t go, or aunts or uncles. Seems like maybe Dads too. Probs exclude stepparents cause they aren’t real parents?

How sad it isn’t all welcome and worse people need to justify why others can’t go.

I'm not sure what "issue" is prompting you to have written this post. Is it that there is a local parent and toddler group that has turned away a parent with their toddler because it was full of childminders and nannies? Or is this just a statement of principles about who "should" be attending regardless?

I don’t disagree, I stopped going to baby groups where childminders turn up en masse. They couldn’t properly supervise all the children and it made them chaotic. They just seemed to use it a cheap entertainment/supervision for the children while they had a coffee and chatted with the other childminders.

Kids playing and socialising.

A playgroup local to me has recently advertised that they are no longer allowing childminders… I’ve never been to this specific one but I can only imagine there has been some kind of issue?

I don’t see the issue myself provided all children attending are being adequately supervised by the adult they are attending with. The children get to enjoy it and it breaks up the day/week for both the children and the childminder. As long as they’re not ignoring kids and letting them cause chaos, what’s the issue?

my church runs a group like this which I go to with my toddler. The group actually says it is there for the parents and carers, to give them support. Some childminders come and there are no issues. But I don’t think they have ever run out of space.

Do you work? Since you want to penalise the children of those who do.

Toddler groups are for toddlers, not parents (although I take your point that they are important for parents too.)

Why should toddlers have to miss out just because they have a nanny?

Also the nanny might like some adult company as well.

I went to one with CMs just ignored the kids they were looking after and used it as free time for themselves. It’s not so bad when it’s one or two but when they become the majority it ruins it.

in my area there is a demand for parent and baby groups (most called mums and tots tbh) to the point I wasn’t able to attend any until my son was 3 months old. Majority are sold out and waiting lists can be long. They are definitely more catered for parents/ grandparents rather than childminders.

Sure start centres are starting a comeback under the name Family Hubs and are great. Family hubs you have to register to be able to attend

A lot of places describe the group as a place to support both baby and parent. Roughly copied from one group ‘a space where little ones can play and explore whilst mums connect and build a supportive community’. I know around 5/6 classes/ groups near me that all have similar descriptions when advertising. I haven’t been to a single group this year with childminders present.

I used to childmind around 11 years ago and never saw the need to attend baby groups plenty of other places to meet other childminders such as soft play, Facebook groups/ events for childminders and even training. The problem we found with soft play meet up was that we would stay with the children at all times but a lot of other childminders would stay at the table/ watch from a distance.

I would say they're for anyone with a toddler. We had a mixture of parents, grandparents and childminders at ours. I wouldn't say anyone was more or less entitled to use the space.

Thank said, I guess the group organiser if free to focus their group around anyone they like!

YANBU I went to loads of these church groups and many restrict the number of child per adult as childminders turning up with loads of kids tends to cause chaos. I didn’t particularly mind as I was just happy to be out the house but it definitely does change the vibe of the group. I agree those groups are absolutely for mums as much as the children.

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I agree OP.

Firstly, a volunteer run baby and toddler group is primarily a place for parents (mainly mums) to socialise with other parents of similar aged children. It can be a genuine lifeline for those mums who are struggling and they benefit hugely from the support of other mums and can make really good lasting friendships.

When you have childminders and nanny’s attending, they’re only using the venue as a cheap way to entertain their charges and pass the time. Yes, they might occasionally join in the conversation although in my experience, they tend to socialise with the other childminders and nanny’s. They’re not interested in making new mum friends ( unless it’s to advertise their services!), and having them take up a valuable space is a wasted opportunity.

In most areas, there are several baby groups operating inc. Council run groups, so I think it’s fine for one to be specifically for parents or even just mums.

This is such a strange take. I met some lovely mums through our local toddler group it helped me so much. Before I moved to the area from a big city, it was full of childminders who sat talking and leaving the kids to play, I reckon this is quite a common occurrence

I think they are for both toddlers and anyone caring for them to socialise and benefit from any support offered. Both parents and childminders may need support and this can only benefit the toddlers.

What about mums like me who is also a childminder and a mummy to a little 1 year old toddler?
am I not allowed to go because I work full time and have my toddler plus her friends with me? I don’t have a village to help me, nor do I have any mum friends of toddlers, so this is the only time I get to see any other adult during the day and have a “real” conversation. It’s a life line for me too.
we all pay the same - most childminders actually pay more as we pay per child. So why shouldn’t a childminder be able to attend?
I go to 1 playgroup and I have the same 3 toddlers (mine plus 2 more) all week so their parents can’t take them either. It’s nice for the toddlers to play with different toys to what I have and to interact with other children - not the same 2 they see all week. It’s great for their development too.

do you see it the same way for grandparents? Like if a grandparent takes their grandchild? As they don’t need the same lifeline that you think only parents need.

Also some parents actually like the idea that their child is taken out to groups - my childminder families love it! Especially as both sets of parents work full time so can’t take their child to these groups.

We had a brilliant childminder who took the DC to lots of groups like these, often in a church hall type setting

The kids had a brilliant time- that’s who these groups are for!

I think you’re conflating with the mum & baby groups where they really are for the mums, not the 3 month old sleeping/feeding baby

There's an absolute myriad of things they can do! I used childminders myself, two different ones and they took them all over the place, never to parent and toddler groups.
Mine had memberships for local attractions many of which did a discount of childminders, and their charges were often free as under 3.
There's also parks, soft plays, meeting with other childminders, garden play, cooking etc etc.
These things are also all available to parents of course, but parent and toddler groups are specifically for parents because as @Suchevilforebodings points out that's often the target audience so the parents can get family support such as advice, signposting and referrals.

God I hate people who try to exclude others, it’s such a horrible horrible attitude. Of course child minders should be able to attend, often they are also parents themselves and offer a lot and it’d great for the kids.