AIBU to think toddler groups are reasonably for parents, not childminders?

[Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar]

I've seen a couple of posts on Facebook now from toddler groups or mum and baby groups requesting that childminders do not attend and that it's for parents and children.

These are those small church hall or community centre type groups, where there's toys, you get a biscuit and sing wheels on the bus, then go home for nap time, that sort of thing.

AIBU to think that actually, that's quite reasonable? They usually have limited space because they are in church halls, and are popular. They aren't just for babies and toddlers IMO they are a lifeline for parents, usually mums and provide support and a chance to make friends with other mums, connect, ask for advice, breastfeed in comfort, have a hot cup of tea they didn't need to make themselves, and get some adult conservation for a bit. Baby and toddlerhood can be such an isolating time.

I get that children love it and it's a shame for them to miss out just because their parents are at work, but surely it's there for the benefits of parents just as much of not more, and childminders shouldn't be clogging up the spaces?

I think you’re unreasonable to want to exclude people from a public space. It’s a child’s playgroup. Get a grip.

How is it a public space? By that reasoning the local tramp should be able to go, or beggars, allies etc as they all are in public spaces

Ok I haven't seen anything about a Facebook article- I haven't RTFT just OP's posts but I was responding to where OP said 'they are called parent and toddler groups, the clue is in the name.' I have never come across a group named as a mother or parent and toddler group- just a baby and toddler group.

@Househunt2026 Up to a point - there are laws about discrimination though. If a disabled child is looked after by a nanny and the child is denied access to the group, that’s discrimination and it’s illegal. These groups should be about dc. It’s a complete minefield to discriminate against dc because you don’t want the person who brings them to the group.

I never spoke to any other mums at these groups. A few seemed to know each other and they chatted, but that’s it. I wouldn’t know if someone was a mother, big sister or childminder. And
who cares if they are? Can’t you talk to a childminder as easily as a mother?

There's an absolute myriad of things they can do! I used childminders myself, two different ones and they took them all over the place, never to parent and toddler groups.

I had 3 different childminders over the years, and fortunately all of them took my dc to toddler groups. I feel quite sad that your dc missed out. I chose a CM rather than a Nursery as I wanted a 'home from home' environment, not so they were banned from playing alongside other dc.

The name being "parents and toddlers group"

But that isn't the name of many groups.

Our Church group is called a 'Stay and Play' group.
The one at the other Church is called 'Tots and Toddlers'.
I remember one when my dc were small just called 'Little Stars'
Friend went to one called '{name of Church} Baby and pre-school group'

Even if the child was taken to soft play, farms baby classes etc

But they " missed out" because they didn't go to a cheap toddler group

Yup.
This isn't about being able to visit an attraction, this is about playing alongside other dc.

As for soft play <shudder>

very unreasonable.

We had two childminders in our village toddler group and they were lovely, outgoing, helpful and they minded local toddlers. If a group becomes predominantly a clique of childminders I can see why organisers may want to restrict to new parents.

Ours was called something along the lines of mums and toddlers but was actually a mix. It was the child that had the place in the group, and was brought by whoever was their main carer. Some kids came mostly with a nanny, but occassionally mum came. Others came with cm or grandparents, most were with mum, but certainly not all.

The only group I think childminders shouldn’t attend is a breastfeeding one. Unless they breastfeed the child they are looking after.

I’m sorry but I think your post is really ungenerous. Does this mean if you are at one such group you don’t speak to the childminders because you are (curtsey please!) a genuine parent? Of course not. That would be odd. And not very kind, as would be excluding them & their toddler charges.

I see the childminders there all the time. It’s never occurred to me that they should be banned. If anything, it has restored my faith in childminders because they are excellent. I enjoy seeing the kids at different groups, sometimes with their parents too (which is funny because the parents aren’t even aware that I know their child quite well). I live in a semi-rural town which has a fairly good community, maybe that’s the difference?

I tend to agree with you. I’ve done the mums and tots scene twice - once with my children and once with my grandchildren. There is no doubt that things have changed over the years and the atmosphere of those groups with a large proportion of child minders is inferior to those that have predominantly mothers with their own children. In the latter groups there is much more cooperation and everyone pitching in. I’ve been in groups where the childminders, who are being paid to look after the children, simply sit back and let the unpaid, usually older, women do all the work. Childminders also tend to have more children with them so the parent/child ratio isn’t as good.

What a truly bizarre issue to get worked up over. Yes, baby and toddler groups can be a good opportunity for parents to form connections with other parents an care-givers but their primary objective is to provide a space for babies and toddlers to play, explore and socialise. We have a 20-month-old who attends toddler groups most days but we choose them, not on the basis of whether we will find them enjoyable or fulfilling, but whether she will get something out of them since we wouldn't be turning up there for our own amusement! I am baffled as to why you want to prevent children in the care of child-minders from enjoying the same opportunities to play and socialise as their peers. Leave aside the fact that parents are not the only adults who provide care for children and that those people might need a bit of adult interaction too.
Also, how do you intend to enforce your ludicrous 'parents only' rule? Are you going to go around interrogating every adult present and chucking out all the non-muns?
"Sorry grandma/grandpa/auntie/uncle/child-minder, this is a parent group for parent people, there's nothing for you here!"

When my dc were tiny, childminders were often at playgroups and the one o'clock club. They were kindly local women, older than me and with a wealth of advice. They took the children in their charge who were getting the same experiences as mine. I don't understand the issue. Also, if my children had gone to a childminder, I'd have wanted them taken to playgroups and story time at the library.

I don’t think this is quite what the OP had in mind. Ok one child might go to a group with whomever is caring for them but the difficulties arise when childminders regularly bring all the children they are caring for. This, from my experience, upsets the balance of the group.

I wouldn’t want my children to miss out of the fun and socialization available to them because my DH were at work. What entitled arrogant snobbery. I hope OP doesn’t instill such ugly attitudes in their children.

And there are other similar groups WITHOUT “mother” in their name. And what if the toddler has two dads? Or any other variation of responsible adult and child?

Normal toddler activities, yes. But which activities, specifically? Were they oversubscribed ones that might take places from mums?

So if the grandparent is looking after your child she can’t take your child because it’s just for the mum! Don’t be silly op!

I went to one where a nanny came with her charge. The child’s mother was my NCT friend who had gone back to work. It was a baby music class. The nanny, who wasn’t the brightest button, used to sit in the circle and join in with all the singing and do all the actions but not interact with the child at all while doing it. It was like she was there to amuse herself. Made me sad!

I’ve literally never heard anyone call these groups parent and toddler groups…I guess that’s where the confusion comes in that they’re for the toddlers. Because 99% of people call them toddler groups 🤷🏽‍♀️😂