Did you ever wonder about your husband after the Gisele Pelicot case?

[Seymorbutts]

I’m a lesbian (thank god!) so I’ve got no skin in this game but I read something on here earlier about the sheer number of seemingly ordinary men who participated in the rape of Gisele Pelicot. I’m assuming their own wives had no idea either. It’s not only horrific but got me wondering are most men actually like this, walking around pretending to be normal but actually have these sick fantasies they’re just waiting for the opportunity to act out? And that got me wondering if you’re married to a man, did the Gisele Pelicot case ever lead you to suspect your own husband could have ever done anything like this, if not to you, to another woman? If so, how did you cope with it?

If I believed my dh could do that I wouldn't be with him.

I think it's interesting that lots of people are saying 'surely we would have heard of more cases?'.

There are loads. One of the reasons Mme Pelicot's case got so much attention is that her husband invited strangers. There are lots and lots of these cases where it's the husband who drugs and rapes his partner without inviting strangers. They don't make the news.

If you presented at the Dr with recurring UTIs and fatigue, what do you think they would say? I guarantee they wouldn't suggest it was because you were being systematically raped.

endeyecheck.org/

But the stranger cases we know about are the tip of the iceberg. There's been an international cooperation project between police forces set up to identify these groups online because there are so many. Mr Pelicot did not have to look very far to find men to participate. They were all right there, in their local area.

I think virtually all men either participate or are bystanders to rape culture. Do they call out every comment in their football WhatsApp group? I would be very surprised. A 'hey, that's not cool' loses you friends, a promotion, social cachet for not adequately performing manhood. I am sure people will come on and say their DH always does, and maybe he does, but unless you're with him every day, all day, you wouldn't know.

I'm sure someone has already mentioned it but there was a website that was a 'rape academy' teaching men how to drug and rape their wives and it received approximately 62 million visits in February 26 and peaked at over 80 million visits before March 26 so clearly somebody's husbands are visiting it.

Well it is obvious to me that no, definitely my DH would not do this nor would he ignore it if he knew someone else was doing it.

Not all men are scrum although many on here seem to think that

It's way, way worse than 1 in 20, if you're careful about assuring them of anonymity and about avoiding 'bad words' that they know they're meant to deny.

Under those conditions a US study of male college/university students found 1 in 6 (33%) will admit to having raped; 1 in 3 (66%) that they would rape if they knew for certain there would be no consequences. A meta analysis covering more countries and a wider age range gave lower but still horrifying figures (from memory it was around 1 in 12 [8%]/1 in 5 [20%]).

Widen the criteria to cover all attempts to force/coerce/trick women into unwanted sex - whether successful or not - and this study of US/Canadian students found 95% of men had tried it. Of these attempts, 65% were successful. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/08862605261432630

And that only counted attempts on women with whom they did not have a current or previous relationship.

Happy that your out of it thou ☺️
Men can be so manipulative can't they !
I'm glad I met my DH he honestly is one of the decent ones I count myself lucky I'm with him x

I think virtually all men either participate or are bystanders to rape culture.

wow

The scariest part is that some posters actually believe that's true!

Having twice been on a crowded train carriage where the only person to step in and deal with a sexual assault on a teenage girl was me (and I am small and disabled) I am afraid I have learnt that most men will just look the other way

I was also groped on quite a number of occasions as a late teen/early twenties girl on nights out and not once did another man intervene to stop it

clearly

and so are the many women, journalists, and other men who wanted to see the content by themselves?

How do you think it came out in the news?

80 million visits doesn't mean 80 million rapists.

It’s not exceptionally are, there is a whole website dedicated to men filming their unconscious wives and girlfriends and having sex with them.

No!

I do not suspect my husband would do this.
We've been together ages and we used to do a lot of kinky stuff years ago and so I think I know his sexual likes and dislikes pretty well. He wouldn't want me unconscious. He would never enjoy watching another man doing anything to me, and I definitely don't sleep soundly or reliably enough that he's ever knocking me out with sleepers.
Also the dogs would go nuts.

I do agree that most men are inherently untrustworthy and unsafe compared to women though.

Nope, in a thread that highlights the sheer endemic levels of sexual and other violence directed towards women and girls, in which both horrifying recent news stories and awful personal stories are being shared, and in a week in which we are hearing about the 7 college students in the US who raped an unconscious woman for SEVEN HOURS, publicising it on a group chat to 57 men who did absolutely nothing to stop it, and whose only punishment was to be asked to write an essay about it - the fact that (some) posters think badly of men is not even close to the scariest thing.

It’s disturbing that you think that would be the worst/ scariest thing about this honestly.

It’s true that virtually all men are bystanders to rape culture - sure they might pontificate loudly about what they’d do to the ‘bad guys’ and how they’re not like that, maybe they wouldn’t actually rape themselves - but would they put pressure on a woman to have sex when she didn’t want to? Would they sulk if they didn’t get what they wanted? If they knew a friend would do these things would they call him out and stop being friends with him? Do they stop listening to music by, watching films by, or supporting teams in which the stars have been shown to be violent towards women? If their mate posts a vile meme or degrading joke about women in the group chat do they say ‘why would you share that and why would you think it was ok?’ Or do they just laugh along even if privately they think it’s wrong?

Why have they all gone quiet about the Epstein files? Where are they protesting on the streets against the rapist currently sitting in the White House or the proven domestic abuser still playing premier league football? Where exactly are they speaking out about this shit?

Did I ever for a second think my husband capable of such acts? No, and I still don’t. But he could do more to call other men out, he could do more to solve what is a MALE problem, and so could most men I reckon.

I would say the same thing about mine. I trust him with my life.
Unfortunately there are women out there who trusted their DH too and ended up in this situation.