Did you ever wonder about your husband after the Gisele Pelicot case?

[Seymorbutts]

I’m a lesbian (thank god!) so I’ve got no skin in this game but I read something on here earlier about the sheer number of seemingly ordinary men who participated in the rape of Gisele Pelicot. I’m assuming their own wives had no idea either. It’s not only horrific but got me wondering are most men actually like this, walking around pretending to be normal but actually have these sick fantasies they’re just waiting for the opportunity to act out? And that got me wondering if you’re married to a man, did the Gisele Pelicot case ever lead you to suspect your own husband could have ever done anything like this, if not to you, to another woman? If so, how did you cope with it?

No. My husband is at home when I am
most of the time.

What? So was her husband … drugging her and raping her and allowing others to rape her….

I think it’s a mixture of things but for many men control becomes part of sexual desire. They aren’t mutually exclusive.

I suspect when men don’t actively take part in things and just “watch” they are still getting a sexual kink out of it and probably go off and wank about it afterwards.

No, but the number of MVAWG cases in the media makes me feel increasingly like a prey animal. Even though as an individual, my husband gives me no reasons to feel threatened.

No, thankfully but there may have been one person I dated years ago that may have been capable?
It is happening too much though, once is too much though arguably.

No. I truly do not believe he is capable of such things.
You can never know 100% of course but nothing I have seen during our nearly 30 years together makes me believe he is or could be a rapist.

Again, read her bio, there was plenty to make her worry. Perhaps she didn’t because it was other times.

Er no! I think some people choose to ignore flaws in their partners. I just don’t believe there weren’t red flags.

So you say, I won't bother checking

but you make it sound like 90% of the men are criminals
Which is ridiculous

No they don't.
"90% of crime is committed by men" is not the same as "90% of men are criminals".

That's a reading comprehension problem on your end.

why do you have to take your chance with anyone?

It's such a bizarre thing to split men and women into completely different categories

and basically saying: Men = bad,
women= good

If people want to live in a female community, they can, it's a free world you can set one up, but the rest of us is more than happy within a mixed environment, I don't even like women-only sports classes!

I like to live in a mixed world too.

But looking at crime...
There is one component that a lot of criminals have in common. Wonder what that is..

Also as a thought experiment: Do more crimes happen in female or male communities?

ask the mothers or orphans that were abused or worst in female religious communities, with no male interference, they might have something to say? (or non-religious even)

for example.

I am sure you can find others easily.

If only the world was as black and white as some people want to picture it, it would be easier to manage and keep our kids safe, but there you go. It's not.

No, never.

How do you reconcile your belief that the majority of men would do this with the fact that almost 100% of the women responding on here are adamant that their husband never, ever would, without a single doubt?
Doesn't that show that the majority of women are convinced their husband wouldn't, while it is likely that a majority of men actually would? Why would your husband be in the minority over any other husband of a trusting wife in your exact position?

Her biop as been released and her husband was always a creep, pushing for threesomes etc but she thought he got his thrills elsewhere.
worth reading the book , she has so much steel and refused to be defined by it.
There were signs

My second husband no. Would never cross my mind.
My first husband used to wake me in the night having already started having sex with me and forcibly did so on other occasions like holidays because he felt it was his right.
There some men who are just disgusting abusers

Despite not thinking this of my husband I would sadly never say never of any man , isn’t that sad but that’s the reality for us women

Giselle Pelicot's husband also had a grown daughter. What difference does that make?

No because he is truly one of the good ones.
It sickens him that there are men like this in the world as much as it does me.

But serial killers are much rarer than sexual assaulters? By a long way. I don't mean to single you out as many on this thread have expressed the same view that they would simply never consider if their husband was drugging and videoing, photographying, or raping them - but I think it shows a real lack of critical thinking and reasoning to not at least consider it?

My husband is a lovely man, green flags all the way etc etc and yet when the Pelicot case broke, I thought about what I could do to assess whether I might ever be a victim in a similar way. I trust my husband but I wondered - how could I know? I decided to be more vigilant of the symptoms she reported. I thought about whether anyone in my house has access (that I know of) to sleeping medications or if I'd ever seen them in our house. Surely considering these things is just an intelligent response to a new known risk?

I truly believe my dog will never bite me. She has never shown a hint of aggression, puts up with a lot of nonsense from kids in our house, is completely trustworthy in every respect as far as my experience of her goes. But the reality is - she could bite me.
Already I can feel the unread leaping on to me 'are you comparing my husband to a dog? Do you think a bite is the same as rape' - no, of course not. But it is to say that trusting someone and knowing them deeply does not mean that risk does not exist. And it does mean that you would be stupid not to consider how you could protect yourself.

So we end up with some awful pyramid - one man decides to drug his wife and encourage others to rape her, dozens more willing to assault her and hundreds who knew and didn't report. I'm positive my DH wouldn't feature anywhere on that list but I expect most of the partners of those men would have said the same.

it is likely that a majority of men actually would?
it's not likely at all, that's what you want to believe. A minority of creeps/ criminal/ perverts however you want to call them and you put everyone in the same basket.

So maybe our husbands are not any random, and they would NOT be our husbands if we thought they could do something like that? You know, just a thought...

I leave my baby, my toddler, my kids with a man for entire weekends at a time. I leave him with teen girl and her friends, driving them around and so on.
You'd think I would do that if I didn't trust the man?

The majority of men are as safe, if not safer than any normal woman. That's why women can trust their husband.

The only person I trust 100% is myself. Abusers wouldn’t be able to abuse if they didn’t manage to hide it to an extent, I don’t believe my husband would ever do such a thing, and I’ve never had any reason to think he would, but I don’t know what I don’t know.

YANBU OP

However, you must admit on a parenting forum where most members are in marriages, it would seem unthinkable. If i was married, I wouldnt allow myself to even wonder if my man, let alone if many or most men are actually quite dark deep down in their psyche. One just cannot even contemplate it or go there.

Men individually can be wonderful (wonderful meaning they dont have secret hideous sexual deaires... wow that bar is low 🤣), but collectively they are a bit shit. Well - range from a bit shit to actually very sinister in their deepest desires... even if they dont act them out. And i suspect there are more at the darker end of that spectrum than we like to think.