Did you ever wonder about your husband after the Gisele Pelicot case?

[Seymorbutts]

I’m a lesbian (thank god!) so I’ve got no skin in this game but I read something on here earlier about the sheer number of seemingly ordinary men who participated in the rape of Gisele Pelicot. I’m assuming their own wives had no idea either. It’s not only horrific but got me wondering are most men actually like this, walking around pretending to be normal but actually have these sick fantasies they’re just waiting for the opportunity to act out? And that got me wondering if you’re married to a man, did the Gisele Pelicot case ever lead you to suspect your own husband could have ever done anything like this, if not to you, to another woman? If so, how did you cope with it?

I've thought about it, not with suspicion but thought about it. I feel pretty confident from my sexual experiences with him that he isn't the type of man that would do this. My ex on the other hand, I would not be surprised to see an article about him being involved in sexual assault or rape.

No. Absolutely not.

I am sure your husband should equally be vigilant about possible symptoms of poisoning, in case you want to get his life insurance quicker, what a way to live.

I don't want to be crude, I'll try not to be, as a woman, after a normal/ very vanilla/ non violent/ boring for some/ but hot sex session, I can feel the effects the following day. So do my friends. If I remember well, it was even a joke in "Desperate Housewives" when one took a younger lover.

So that would be a first clue for me, if I started to feel something in that area because I honestly can't see how I could be raped without any physical trace whatsoever even if I was passed out during the act.

You also mean sons, fathers, brothers . .

All men?

Ridiculous

I think these are really valid questions - we've all heard stories of women who trusted their husbands and yet were betrayed by them. Gisele Pelicot was one such woman, and her betrayal had nothing to do with her being naive or stupid, and everything to do with the breathtaking deceit and cruelty of her husband. On that basis I accept that there is no way any woman can truly have absolute trust in any man, including a beloved husband / father / brother etc.

The reason I do trust my husband despite this is because over the 15 years we have been together, he had consistently shown himself to be someone who stands for absolute equality and is willing to call out rape culture and patriarchy when he sees it. Not in a showy, grandstanding way, but firmly and quietly. The first time we had sex, during which I was quite clearly enthusiastic and physically consenting, he took the time early on in the process to specifically verbally confirm that I wanted to proceed and felt completely comfortable. He has never once transgressed a boundary. He doesn't laugh at rape jokes and I've heard him tell other people he doesn't find them funny. He dropped a long-term friend for making sexist jokes, and he told him that's why he wasn't willing to continue the friendship. He has never raised his voice at me, said a single unkind thing, tried to control me, believed or insisted that his views, wants, or needs are more important than mine. I've felt cherished and respected by him, and completely safe with him, since the day we met.

I have also experienced none of the physical symptoms or concerns Gisele Pelicot experienced. No memory lapses, blackouts, gynaecological symptoms, sleep issues etc. No causes for any concern at all. One of the immense gifts of Pelicot's astonishing bravery is that women who have experienced these symptoms may be alerted to a cause such as this.

So yes, I do trust my husband, insofar as anyone can ever trust another person. And if he one day betrayed that trust it wouldn't be because of any naivety, stupidity or misconduct on my part. I wouldn't be to blame for having trusted him, just as no woman is to blame for trusting a man who ultimately betrays her.

It is crazy to me that there are people who seemingly don't understand the difference between most criminals are men and most men are criminals.

Let's say we have 100 men and 100 women.
30 of those 200 people are criminals.
In real life, 96% of the uk prison population is male and 4% is female so those 30 criminals are split 96/4.

That makes it 28.8 men and 1.2 women.
Since you can't have a percentage of a person, we need to make it 29/1

so of 100 men, 29 are criminals. That means 71 are not
of 100 women, 1 is a criminal. That means 99 are not.

Therefore, the majority of criminals are men, but the majority of men are not criminals.

It's not difficult to understand.

The issue is that those 29 men don't come with a tattoo on their forehead that identifies them. You are left in a situation where it is not everyone, but it could be anyone.

Well dont forget they were French

No, I trust my partner as much as I can trust anyone, but I'm not naive enough to realise that many woman have thought thought the same when that trust was abused.

As a teenager, there was 3 men who just give me a gut feeling something was really off and give me the creeps for no real reason. I remember saying to my mum and she only agreed with one of them. All 3 convicted or rape, SA or child abuse years later.

Considered my judgment rock solid until a old friend was convicted, with a mountain of undisputed evidence, of child abuse. Shocked me to the core, always considered him one of the good guys.

You never really know, no matter how much you think you do.

I have recently read her amazing book and no it didn’t make me doubt my husband AT ALL. BUT it has made me doubt men in my community and just men I come across in general - I’ve lost trust - One of the things that shocked me most about the case was the fact that the 50 or so rapists were from such a tiny proximity/community - all those bad men capable of one of the most awful things, all from one small town. That’s what’s terrifying 😞

Not one bit I can say that 💯

No definitely not. I have always been a terrible sleeper and wake up at the slightest thing so no way he is or has ever drugged me and no way as he had sex with me while I was asleep. When he opens the bedroom door it wakes me!

When the case was first in the newspapers he was honestly as shocked, horrified and disgusted as I was. Believe me, he is not that good an actor.

He definitely respects women and has strong morals. If he were invited to rape a drugged woman I know, without a doubt, he would report it to the police.

My father was like this. Highly respectable career, well liked, seemed like a nice man that talked and acted in a way that you would think he had very strong morals. Was a pedophile. No idea if he drugged anyone, but nearly always was when people were asleep.

Over 5% of posters who have responded here report a direct incident of sexual assault. Simply awful. 😞

For the definitely not voters, the point is, it isn’t obvious.
None of the women who were drugged raped knew. Many thought they were ill as the drugging starts earlier.
Ms Pelicot believed that she had a loyal attentive husband.
It hasn’t happened to me to date. I trust DH. I also know that these things can happen to anyone unfortunately now these date rape sedatives are so accessible on the dark web.

Weirdly when he told me he was going off with someone else I was devastated. Before i felt trapped and powerless to change things. I accepted the sulking and coercion as normal.

Now I'm fucking delighted he's not sexually assaulting me any more but I'm horrified I put up with it and that I still have to have anything to do with him because of DC.

He's still with the woman he cheated on me with AFAIK. Feel a bit sorry for her given his lack of interest in consent. I do not expect she'd take a warning from me.

No.

It's about sex. Sex involving control and abasement of the victim, if you prefer. It's about sexual deviance. And Pelicot got off on seeing his wife raped.

The number of men I have encountered who had some sort of fetish they kept hidden is quite high. With the internet and social contagion and a loss of social mores, I expect those who just had a thought have moved on to all sorts.

There is 4.17 billion men in the world and 72 involved in this case. I would take from that the number of men who rape are very much in the minority

Yes I've thought about it, things happened with a previous partner that make it hard not to. I don't believe DH would, mostly because I know what makes him tick sexually and it definitely isn't non-consent/participation. I don't think I can or should ever fully trust any man though tbh, too many of them have proven untrustworthy in a multitude of unpleasant ways for that to be possible for me.

We need to be immensely grateful to Gisele Pelicot for agreeing to make her case public and talking about it.
There has already been a number of similar cases popping up after hers.
Terrifying!
But thanks goodness most husbands will never ever take part in something like this!

Not in a million years. My dh can be an awful arse, but he is very respectful of me and women in general, and I am confident that he would never contemplate anything like this. He has also never groped me, never sulked if I said no, never tried to coerce me into doing anything I wasn't comfortable with, and never expected me to 'service' him if I was on my period or whatever. He was happy to use condoms when i wanted to come off the pill, and immediately offered to have a vasectomy when we decided that our family was complete. As I say he isn't perfect, but he is a paragon of virtue compared to some of the men i read about on here.

And?

You never truly know what is going on in someone's head.

But I have known my husband for 35 years. In all of that time he has never given me a reason not to trust him. With anything, my life, our children's lives. Never, not once.

So that is what I have to go on.

Absolutely not

I don't know what the OP wants from this thread. Oh shit yeah, DH might be a rapist, we'll all get divorced and become lesbians just in case?