Did you ever wonder about your husband after the Gisele Pelicot case?

[Seymorbutts]

I’m a lesbian (thank god!) so I’ve got no skin in this game but I read something on here earlier about the sheer number of seemingly ordinary men who participated in the rape of Gisele Pelicot. I’m assuming their own wives had no idea either. It’s not only horrific but got me wondering are most men actually like this, walking around pretending to be normal but actually have these sick fantasies they’re just waiting for the opportunity to act out? And that got me wondering if you’re married to a man, did the Gisele Pelicot case ever lead you to suspect your own husband could have ever done anything like this, if not to you, to another woman? If so, how did you cope with it?

No.
My husband has many, many flaws but it has never occurred to me that he could be a rapist. He would no longer be my husband if I thought he could.

There have been women who have posted on MN about waking up to find their husbands having sex (raping) with them. I assume in at least some of those situations, they have been drugged.

No. Definitely not. If I had even a flicker of suspicion in that direction, there's no way I could stay married to him. I trust my husband entirely and if I didn't then I couldn't stay married.

No because there is lots of crime and bad things people do but funnily enough not everyone is or acts the same, women kill children would my husband wonder about me because of that?

I once woke up during the night (I take Mirtazipine so sleep like the dead) and my ex was having sex with me.

I’m still not over it. I feel like a piece of meat whenever I think about it.

Never occurred to me at all.

No

I voted YANBU, not because I've wondered about my husband specifically.

But because there have been at least two other cases like this, since we first heard about the horrific treatment of Gisele Pelicot, and it HAS made me wonder just how many men would, if they could, take advantage of a woman in this way, and how many men are getting away with it.

Because it's clearly more men than you'd imagine. Gisele Pelicot lived quite rurally and it wasn't hard to find that many sick bastards.

Very few of us would stay with our husbands if we even suspected they might be capable of rape. And some of us will therefore obliviously be married to men that have or could rape a woman. I do think about that sometimes. Men will say, MY mates wouldn't do that. I can't be the difference and be an ally and speak up for women in male spaces because I don't hang out with men like that.

And I'm like, yeah but you do. Because the men are all out there insisting that they and their mates respect women, and yet the women are still being disrespected in any number of ways - the men are kidding themselves, or lying.

it has never occurred to me that he could be a rapist.

It didn't occur to Ms Pelicot either. She would also have left him if she thought he could be one.

OP, I think most women would have thought if such an intelligent like Ms Pelicot can be tricked like this then what hope for other women.

No, because he is a decent man. He once reported a creep at a festival who offered to sell him GHB( I wasn't there). DP gave evidence in court and creep got put away.

I think posts like this miss the OP's point.

Ms Pelicot also thought her husband was decent.

And a man reporting a creep isn't a guarantee of his good character.

I haven't wondered about my husband at all, he can be a belligerent arse but I trust him 100%. I have wondered about men in my life though, the ones you talk to, but don't "know", neighbours, dads at school pick up, doctors, binmen, ordinary men. Because its going to be some of them isn't it, even if not drugging and raping, then controlling, abusing, and its terrifying.

No, never.

No, how unbearable would it be if I even thought for a moment he was capable of that? I trust him as much as I could trust anyone (really saying something, men in my life certainly haven’t shown themselves to be good!) I have to just trust my own judgement and hope for the best. To be a woman seems increasingly terrifying, honestly.

Highly unlikely most men are like this. It's horrifying the number of men involved but it was over a 10 year period and the men were recruited through online swinger sites. Most men don't use swingers sites. This is a shocking case, but also very rare. You don't hear about cases like this everyday.

Also you say thank god but women on woman rape cases are more prevalent than Gisele Pelicot cases.

No, I haven't wondered about my DH specifically.

But I absolutely take the point that the wives of Gisele Pelicot's rapists probably didn't wonder about their husbands either.

The Gisele Pelicot case has made me even more wary and suspicious of men than I was before. And, sadly, vindicated my firm belief that "Yes all men".

Not my dh. Not even a flicker of a doubt.

my exh on the other hand popped straight into my head. I divorced him due to him thinking it was ok to rape me in my sleep and even while recovering from a brain injury. I also found tape recordings of myself naked and asleep on his camcorder.he didn’t see the problem, I was his wife. So I left. He’s a monster and I think it’s more prolific than we think.

I would strongly suspect that the men involved in the Pelicot case and others were already demonstrating their disrespect/disregard for women in other ways, use of porn, “off colour jokes”, poor treatment of women in service positions, general and causal misogyny in their daily lives.

I’m sure their families were appalled and shocked but I’m also sure that the fact that there were other signs that these men think of women as subhuman.

Of course disgusting misogynist doesn't automatically equal rapist, but it’s why we should demand the highest standard of behaviour from the men we spend time with, because we can’t ever tell.

No, I have never wondered this about my DH. Of course you can never be 100% sure about anyone, but walking around worrying about very unlikely things won't add to my overall happiness tbh.

I have never for one second suspected my own husband, who I trust entirely. However, it has reinforced my view that a terrifying large number of men - perhaps a majority of men - would perpetrate abuse against women if they had the opportunity and/ or thought they could get away with it.

Well obviously I don’t or I wouldn’t be with him, but I think this is the point. GP fully trusted her husband and he gave no inkling what he was up to. So if it could happen to her and her husband, who she had no suspicions of, it could happen to anyone

The last bit - what? Women on women rape cases? Eh?

No not in a million years. Not with my current DH and not with my ex DH.

And I know I am one of the lucky ones knowing that I can sleep next to someone I trust implicitly. I don't take it for granted.

you can’t be serious. So the two women who brutalised little storm and killed her do you wonder if all women are just walking about thinking of Brutalising and murdering small children

what an odd post,

I'm single so no need for me to currently wonder but a couple of decades ago I went out with a guy who asked me to pretend to be asleep so that he could have sex with me. This man was the CEO of a big company, and had two kids and an ex wife.

There's a case going on in the North West at the moment where one of the perpetrators is a paramedic FFS. The names of the accused, minus the husband who is not named so as to protect his wife, are here - this is 13 men, some of whom will be husbands, brothers, sons, dads. Utter scum.

Men charged with serious sexual offences against same woman | Greater Manchester Police

Maybe I phrased it badly.

I have never woken up groggy. I have never had had repeated medical interventions for unexplained symptoms. Never had any reason to have to even consider this might be happening to me, bearing in mind that I know it has happened to others so I can look back and consider if I think he could be capable. I point a finger at the failure of medical services to not have identified that she was being drugged, not at her.

I am not sure how to accurately phrase this without someone leaping on me, which they inevitably will. When I have sex, I am still physically aware of it the next day. There is a particular sensation that I have never experienced unexpectedly on a day I have not knowingly had sex.

All we have here is hindsight to look at our own situations. I would sincerely hope that no one would be choosing to enter a relationship with a man they already thought might be capable of this.