AIBU to refuse the back seat when giving my MIL a lift?

[Frontseat]

MIL expects lifts . Fair enough dh obliges.

Sometimes I’m with him as while she’s in an appt we get other jobs done/shopping etc

Turned up today and she ordered me into the back seat ! I said no - if you want a lift get in if not book an uber.
The seats are on the same level, just as accessible and the same leg room ( im petite so have the seat pulled forward so back seat has lots of space).
She went mad started shouting at me ! To have some respect and move. Called me a ‘rude disrespectful little bitch’.

Dh has then told her to sort out a taxi he’s not having her speak to me that way.

She has phoned repeatedly (we ignored)
Shes messaged to say she missed her hospital appt because of me !!!

AIBU to think she should have just sat in the back ?!!

passively aggressively said she prefers the front

Beggars can’t be choosers.

I was raised with old fashioned values so may offer on my own accord the front to an older person depending on how I’m feeling that day and how much I like them. However if it is demanded of me, forget it. You’re walking up hill on ice.

Your husband has a backbone, you married well.

I would always offer an older person the front seat. Did you really use those words? A bit rude. Then her reply obviously even ruder. Fair play to your DH sticking up for you.

If the front seat is no better, why do you want to sit there?

Can’t you, for a short while, let her have the better seat?

Are you disrespectful in other aspects and she finally lost her temper?

Definitely not being sarcastic!

Oh thank you!

Glad my approach sounds ok to you

She could have a bit nicer about it, although I've never really understood this 'hierarchy' about front and back seats in cars!

You can spot the future or current MILs from hell a mile off can't you? 😂

No more lifts @Frontseat you have tolerated this woman for long enough and for why? Get rid of the negativity, life is too short to have it hanging around like a bad smell.

As council houses are allocated based on need, your mum's actions in lying about making you homeless probably meant that someone with much greater needs than you didn't get a council flat and you did. I find that behaviour much worse than OP not giving her twatty MIL the front seat.

I've always found front seats easier to get out of than the rear. I would always offer an older person the front seat. I wouldn't demand it when I'm older. So I would say you were both unreasonable.

I’d always go in the back for older or larger people. So my mother, grandmother, in laws, anyone with mobility issues etc. My just adult children now drive, I’m pretty small, so anyone large goes in the passenger seat. The back of my car is not as comfortable as the front. It’s respectful to older people etc.

In your case your back seat is equal to the front, your MIL is rude on 3 fronts, cursing at you, demanding priority and wanting the front for the view. Anyone who spoke to me like she did would get no more lifts… can’t believe it since you were doing her a favour.

I also don’t go in the back for my children, except if I’m nervous about their driving, I can relax in the back reading Mumsnet instead !

Fair play to your supportive husband.

She sees it as respect. I’d tell her that when being chauffeur driven, one sits in the back.

That’s completely out of order. You, not her.

I would always give up my front seat to the most senior person there. I couldn’t imagine ever making my mother or MIL sit in the back seat! But neither would respond the way yours did if I didn’t…

Personally I don't think there is a hierarchy to seats in a car and am happy to sit anywhere.
But it's generally considered rude for someone to kick a person out of the seat they are already in and demand it.
If she wanted "the better view" for her "special day out" she should have asked nicely.
She loses all ground to stand on for her argument by screaming and calling you that word.
She can indeed book a taxi next time. I'm glad your husband doesn't stand for such abuse towards his wife.

I’ve always let older/frailer passengers sit in the front. But you do you.

I think it’s to do with the way the doors open due to wheel position?

So @Frontseat and her DH leave their house, get in their car and, in all likelihood, start a conversation about the kids, their work, household chores that need doing, whatever.

When they arrive at MIL's house, the 30-year-old woman is expected to get out of her seat - whether the conversation is finished or not - so that the 60-year-old woman can sit in a seat that is already occupied. For no other reason than that she wants to.

Have I got that right? Do people really do that for someone they are kindly giving a lift to simply because they are older (not old, older)? Bonkers.

I’m guessing she just wanted to sit next to her son. They were both rude to each other.

Think you missed the bit where OP said her MIL 'ORDERED' her to get in the back seat. Before she'd even uttered a word. The MIL is entirely to blame. A woman in her 60's is not elderly... she should be old enough to know better and not to be so rude! She deserved everything she's been given!

If you're ever willing to give her a lift as a couple again, make sure you're driving. That should be entertaining.

So you wouldn't deprive an older person of the front seat of a car, but were ok with depriving someone with a genuine need of a council flat.

shes an utter cow bag!
well done on your DH for calling her out and for you standing your ground.

For all those saying you give up your seat to someone older what if you are giving both MIL & FIL a lift who would get priority?
I did use to get in the back when we had a smaller car but now that the seats are equal i don't.

I'm team OP. Sorry that wasn't clear.

You think that having someone advising ex prisoners professionally, who believes that breaking the law is less serious than being impolite, is a good idea?

I don't believe you

No, I just prefer freedom from feelings of anger and bitterness.