AIBU to refuse the back seat when giving my MIL a lift?

[Frontseat]

MIL expects lifts . Fair enough dh obliges.

Sometimes I’m with him as while she’s in an appt we get other jobs done/shopping etc

Turned up today and she ordered me into the back seat ! I said no - if you want a lift get in if not book an uber.
The seats are on the same level, just as accessible and the same leg room ( im petite so have the seat pulled forward so back seat has lots of space).
She went mad started shouting at me ! To have some respect and move. Called me a ‘rude disrespectful little bitch’.

Dh has then told her to sort out a taxi he’s not having her speak to me that way.

She has phoned repeatedly (we ignored)
Shes messaged to say she missed her hospital appt because of me !!!

AIBU to think she should have just sat in the back ?!!

There is no need for anyone to be subserviant to anyone who is older than them... just because the person is older doesn't mean one has to bow their back to them.

And can we stop calling people in their 60s and 70s as elderly. So many people of these ages are still in work, some full time.

Clearly there is a history, from my reading the thread. You were spoken to rudely after showing up to help her at no cost to your mil! Reap as you sow.
I say this as a 55 year old with mobility issues and rude mil. When my granddad was alive he used to say if a person was old enough to have grown children and grandkids, they were old enough to have learned some damn manners. This was my maternal grandfather, and Mom's parents treated Dad so well, that when they passed he wept as if they were his own parents.

You sound like an ideal passenger!

Yes but you’re used to it with your MIL @Goldenbear

You sound very much like my MIL who still speaks to her sons with the aggressive manner that wins no respect from anybody. O

Why though? I don't really get this. The notion that there is some sort of rule that the older person gets the front seat is nonsense; there's no such rule. It's my car, I bought it, I pay to keep it on the road and I am the driver. Every passenger in it - particularly ones who I am doing a.favour - gets to sit where I bloody tell them they're sitting. If they don't like it, other forms of.transportation are.available.

Am sure it has been mentioned already but I suspect this is about hierarchy. Growing up, the older adult always got the offer of the front seat in the car. If one of us kids were in the front seat, we would be expected to move for them. In your case it is also a power play.

I’m confused…so are you actually saying that bad manners are worse than telling lies and defrauding the council and committing a crime worthy of prison?! 😬

It was never about the seat or respect it was about telling you your place in her eyes. Glad your husband stuck up for you.

the thing she needs to realise if you are doing her a favour and it’s not your problem is she doesn’t get where she wants to go.

Be prepared for a ‘sudden drastic illness’ as that’s usually the next stop.

I have two SILs, DH has two brothers. One doesn't get on with MIL but is always civil and polite. The other is open in her dislike and once shoved her out of the way because she didn't fancy going on the grass to pass her (on a very dry, very warm day).

Sometimes name calling is understandable. Not necessarily right, but understandable as a shocked response.

I'd say it could be a MIL problem, but I get on very well with her and she, in turn, treats me like one of her own. So who knows.

So OP should never have been sitting in the front seat of her own car? What a load of bollocks.

OP's MIL is obviously an overbearing and whiny twat who can dish it out but can't take it. She is constantly rude to OP so she deserves no favours from her.

Yes

Generally people become less mobile as they get older, including more achy, weaker joints and muscles, stiffer. It's respectful to consider what might be more difficult for an older person.

I would generally offer my MIL the front seat but calling you a bitch is a bit much!

I wouldn't be giving a ride to anyone who called me a 'rude and disrespectful little bitch' , especially when I'm doing them a favour.

Just wow. And she can sort her own rides going forward.

Not a mountain I would have died over. But clearly appears to be territorial.
But I suspect I would have not gone in the car with her at all to avoid it.

Glad your husband had your back OP.

People have just assumed on this thread that your MIL is a frail old lady with poor mobility lol, there is no reason for you to move to let her in the front if there isn’t a reason, i.e mobility, travel sickness, your already doing her a favour in the first place, if we were all leaving the house together I’d probably offer the front seat but I wouldn’t be getting out to let her in, then getting back out to go back into the front when she was dropped off. She’s 64 not 104.

I would refuse to drive her again going forward after what she said, and the backstory re-affirms this. She resents you for existing, end of. She wanted her son to stay infantilized and living at home looking after her. Your DH can sort her or she can sort herself going forward.

You are aware that you probably took a council house away from and older person?
I would suggest that taking a house away from an older deserving person is far worse manners than having them sit in the back of a car!!!!

Haven't RTFT, but in my family and older person would automatically be given the front seat.
Even if you didn't want to give her the seat, you didn't have to be rude about it.

Exactly this. Fuck all to do with respect, mobility etc. She wants you in what she sees is your place OP as behind/inferior to her. Fuck that. She was extraordinarily rude to demand you move in the first place and then on how she spoke to you. Yes you were direct but I expect this hasn’t come from nowhere and there’s a history of her being an arsehole. It’d be interesting to know how she’d likely have reacted if you were driving, would she have expected her precious son to go in the back?

I find it weird that the front seat is somehow deemed premium anyway I used to drive my gran around a lot and even when she had her leg amputated in her 80s she always chose to sit in the back.

I’m sure if op thought the mil needed that particular seat she would offer it most of us would to someone who needed it.

But to just expected it because you are older or the mill. No

This mil has no mobility issues just needs an attitude readjustment.

Being older without medical need doesn’t mean you deserve a particular seat when being given a lift by someone else.

Age should have no baring. It’s need, then what the owners want.

Then even as a child I’ve never bought into the I deserve respect just because I’ve been alive longer than you stuff. All people deserve basic respect and you can earn more and you can lose respect to based on your behaviour but age is not a qualifier alone for more.

This is bizarre. No shoving has happened in the OP so for you to say swearing is understandable is conflating your own situation with OP's.

You don't have to explicitly call her a bitch, maybe point out that it only applies to one of you ,and it's not you. Considering it's statistically safer to sit in the back you were actually showing her a kindness, she should be thanking you. If it's a view she's after, have you got a roof rack?

I’m not sure if you’re being sarcastic- I don’t mind if you are - but I just try to be honest and not give anyone a surprise

That doesn't sound as good as you think it does.

You have a mother who would physically hit you for not giving up your seat - did she slap the shit out of you when you got out of prison?

Being a criminal is on a whole different level to not giving up a seat for a 64 year old. But you seem quite proud...

I was replying to someone who had replied to a previous post of mine. I'm not conflating anything with the OPs post, you're just taking one part of a conversation out of context.