AIBU to refuse the back seat when giving my MIL a lift?

[Frontseat]

MIL expects lifts . Fair enough dh obliges.

Sometimes I’m with him as while she’s in an appt we get other jobs done/shopping etc

Turned up today and she ordered me into the back seat ! I said no - if you want a lift get in if not book an uber.
The seats are on the same level, just as accessible and the same leg room ( im petite so have the seat pulled forward so back seat has lots of space).
She went mad started shouting at me ! To have some respect and move. Called me a ‘rude disrespectful little bitch’.

Dh has then told her to sort out a taxi he’s not having her speak to me that way.

She has phoned repeatedly (we ignored)
Shes messaged to say she missed her hospital appt because of me !!!

AIBU to think she should have just sat in the back ?!!

I always let my dad have the front seat.

But I was brought up with manners and respect.

I’m 80. In a four door car I’m happy to sit in the back although family members give me the option. DD has a two door, if DGD is with us she always hops in the back. Even though she’s much taller than me, she’s far more agile, and although I could probably get in, there’s no guarantee I’d get out. Thankful there’s an understanding between generations that sometimes old age can bring limitations.

You have skin as thick as a rhino @Lexibletheflexible

You were in prison for 3 years at 19 years old

Your mum happily lied to say she’s kicked you put at 16 just so you could get a council house

and here you are wittiling on about being raised right and values.

Its farcical!

Never play chess with a pigeon, @Pattestingtoday

Or, more simply, you can't argue with stupid

The OP 'does' sound angry like many posters on here.

Being a woman is irrelevant. Sometimes you have to resist the urge to think you are the centre of the universe and try to not think of every inconvenience as something done to us. For example, why is the MIL going to hospital, even if not a big deal perhaps she's anxious about that. Perhaps she doesn't want to speak to her son, which in my world is perfectly acceptable and natural and normal. I always encourage MIL to sit at the front so that she can chat to my DH.

good advice
I’ll give @Lexibletheflexible a wide berth

still - it’s pretty damn funny though!!

No, I'm reverting to the OP, which is that MIL ordered her DIL about. There is zero excuse for that.

Yes despite all that, my family still raised me with the basic principles to defer to older people. Again, it isnt me who should be ashamed.

Never again !!!!

I wouldn’t ever be spoken to like that and wouldn’t expect anyone to speak to me like that

how horrific! Glad your DH stuck up for you

OP was minding her own business in her own seat and responded calmly to a rude order from her MIL. That's not indicative of anger.

And if MIL wants to sit in the front, she needs to learn to ask politely.

This is about hierarchy, your MIL felt as a senior person to give her the front seat is respectful. Sounds like she doesn't feel respected. Not excusing the way she spoke and in the circumstances your DH was right to stand by you OP.

Why are you picking on this poster, many posters have contributed saying this is the norm in their life..it really isn't that deep. No need to have smashing the keyboard levels of outrage about it!

Why?

Because that poster has been saying that those that don’t offer the front seat were not raised right.

Thay doesn’t strike you as being somewhat… OTT (and astonishingly hypocritical)

Please report it if you also.find it all.a.bit odd

Would I offer the front seat? Hell yes

Would I regard those that don’t as having been raised badly? Hell no

But this is what many are highlighting to those who haven't been brought up in this pretty regular way- she shouldn't be asking.

She should have sat in the back because that is how it works when someone is doing you a favour-you fall in with what is convenient for them. I hope your DH has the sense not to give her any more lifts.

I don't think someone who advocates slapping the shit out of their kid for not doing what they expect them to can lecture others on manners.

Your contributions on this thread have been absolutely bizarre.

I would tell your husband he can visit her on his own and she's not to come round anymore.

How often do you go on daytime weekday trips with your DH for your MIL medical appointments, when you say you work?

Why do you need to do shopping with him on those days? Honestly, seems a bit off.

I suspect the MIL never sees her DS on his own anymore and probably resents you coming along…..but it’s manifested into a front-seat standoff situation.

Really you should have offered the front seat, as it’s polite but now with this argument, that’s all gone out the window.

She needs to apologise and your DH, if he is happy to take her to medical apts, needs to do this on his own without you tacking on a shopping trip.

Whilst I understand what you’re saying

if she’d of said that politely then sure?

but I would never expect anyone to bow down to me because they used that kind of language. I wouldn’t teach my children to ever allow someone to speak to anyone like that.

It 'is' about upbringing though as many on the thread are stating. If that's your norm then I suppose it would feel rude to not do this. Equally, you would view it as rude.

But MIL hasn't cultivated the type of relationship with her DIL where DIL would anticipate her needs.

Respect begets respect, and MIL has said some nasty things to OP over the years.

Everyone has their limit, and OP has reached hers.

It really doesn't 'work' like that on many of our worlds at all.

Older people were young at a time when age did afford a person respect and consideration, so will have spent their own younger years making way for the older generation, thinking their own turn would come.
Now the rules have changed, and older people are considered a bit of a nuisance who should be grateful to young people and know their place they will have spent a lifetime in the back, so to speak.