AIBU to refuse the back seat when giving my MIL a lift?

[Frontseat]

MIL expects lifts . Fair enough dh obliges.

Sometimes I’m with him as while she’s in an appt we get other jobs done/shopping etc

Turned up today and she ordered me into the back seat ! I said no - if you want a lift get in if not book an uber.
The seats are on the same level, just as accessible and the same leg room ( im petite so have the seat pulled forward so back seat has lots of space).
She went mad started shouting at me ! To have some respect and move. Called me a ‘rude disrespectful little bitch’.

Dh has then told her to sort out a taxi he’s not having her speak to me that way.

She has phoned repeatedly (we ignored)
Shes messaged to say she missed her hospital appt because of me !!!

AIBU to think she should have just sat in the back ?!!

So why even engage in an argument about it unless you are a regular guest on the Jeremy Kyle show!

But if I’m driving I don’t want the passenger seat pulled all the way forward to give room in the back, because the passenger then blocks my visibility out of the side window. I’d much rather have the taller person in the front with their seat far back and the smaller person in the back with less leg room.

The queen always sat in the back when being driven. There’s no disrespect.

Good for the OP’s husband, sticking up for her.

So MIL should have anticipated that her DIL doesn't want to ordered about, doesn't like being accused of stealing her son and doesn't like being mocked for her cooking. And then the cherry on the cake - doesn't like being called a 'rude, disrespectful, little bitch.'

Yup

Ok but that’s all related to the car thing. It’s feels like there is a much bigger backstory. Like, you haven’t always gotten along swimmingly? It seems like a major escalation from a perfectly normal and friendly MIL/DIL relationship, to ‘get an uber then/rude bitch’!

I'm short & as a rule sit in the back.

However if just pulling up to pick someone up & they can easily get in the back it seems a bit of faffing around to be changing seats.

I don’t think Jeremy Kyle has been on TV for years!

Or DIL should have just sat in the back seat and at least that day wouldn't have been more of this toxic war

So basically MIL can do no wrong and OP must appease her at all cost?

Yes, perhaps she shouldn't have but again, wouldn't even feature on my radar of shit to get annoyed about. In fact, it never would have happened as I just would have automatically say in the back.

Your mother, who raised too, lied in order to get you a council house at 17.

I mean, it’s actually funny!

Were you polite and respectful to the victims of your crime? To the people in the queue for council housing that you bypassed? To the taxpayers who had to pay for your time in prison?

Nobody likes a sanctimonious hypocrite

I’m sure if ops mil wasn’t a arsehole to her the entire relationship she might of reacted nicely to being kindly asked to let her go in front.

Instead she’s been a knob the whole time and then demanded the seat rudely and then called the op names.

Mil needs to learn some manners and respect herself or get a uber.

Jesus. Why do some people love conflict and drama?

I think the husband shouldn't have ever married someone his mum didn't like.

So you'd be fine with someone ordering you about?

Or OP lets her husband do things with his mum alone.

I think the husband shouldn't have ever married someone his mum didn't like.

Wowsers! Are you a MIL?

Are you a mum of boys by any chance?

I marry who I love not who my parents deem good for them. Bloody hell. I anit living with my mum her preference means shit all in my house.

I always give my MIL the front seat, she’s disabled and in her 70s, I help her in and out of the car. But she is treated like a queen in our family, she raised five kids alone and worked hard so she is very respected by all the family including adult grandkids .

That’s not manners. That’s being a doormat and people pleasing. Manners isn’t about meeting other people’s wants at the cost of your own. It’s about showing respect, kindness and consideration. Going out of your way is enough of a show of respect, kindness and consideration that you don’t also need to get out of your seat for them, or lie on the floor so they can walk on your back instead of in puddles.

Well convicted for 5 years (5 years!!!) and released after 3…. So perhaps it was her good manners that got her out early?!

Maybe the husband wanted to do something with the op once his mother was dropped off.

Always the dils fault tho 😂😂

@Frontseat

I always offer to sit in the back when offering my in-laws or my parents (or anyone older) a lift.

Always assumed it was the done thing.

It’s just politeness and respect for others, nothing more complex.
So many minor social conventions like that have been jettisoned since this century began, and I imagine in dealings between and among us, most especially the intergenerational, we will come to regret binning those basic behavioural rules which we absorbed as children and which rather kept a lid on a lot of inevitable family frictions.
For example, as they age our mothers, never mind MILs and great-aunts, can often develop a querulousness born of the many frustrations we’ll all probably experience as ageing women. (As a creaky 70+, I can testify!)
Needless to list any as they are obvious, but lack of status or (perceived) purpose in society might be a big one.

Anyway, this querulous, even prickly facet has always been handily propitiated via the traditional ‘respect for our elders’ you jib against. I’d maintain that these little social deferences are very often as much in our own interest as theirs. (Merely giving a little pleasure is no negligible consideration, of course)

This stuff costs us nothing, unless giving way to others is categorically never going to happen, as a matter of principle.
Applied beyond family dynamics, that philosophy is always going to exacerbate tension, and it must entail living with your antennae forever scanning for encroachments onto your bit of the jungle.