AIBU to refuse the back seat when giving my MIL a lift?

[Frontseat]

MIL expects lifts . Fair enough dh obliges.

Sometimes I’m with him as while she’s in an appt we get other jobs done/shopping etc

Turned up today and she ordered me into the back seat ! I said no - if you want a lift get in if not book an uber.
The seats are on the same level, just as accessible and the same leg room ( im petite so have the seat pulled forward so back seat has lots of space).
She went mad started shouting at me ! To have some respect and move. Called me a ‘rude disrespectful little bitch’.

Dh has then told her to sort out a taxi he’s not having her speak to me that way.

She has phoned repeatedly (we ignored)
Shes messaged to say she missed her hospital appt because of me !!!

AIBU to think she should have just sat in the back ?!!

You both handle the situation rudely.

She shouldn't have assumed, and you should have offered.

She shouldn't have said what she did.

Glad you DH had your back. If there ever is a next time, could you drive, then see if she has the same conversation with her son?!

This.

It’s polite to offer any ‘guest’ passenger the front seat, especially an older person.

Her response seems rather disproportionate though, but we can’t know what and how you responded to her initial request to make her act like that.

It's the old front seat goes to the most important passenger bullshit.
she feels she has seniority (and im not talking about age)
don't back down. she needs to realise she isn't in charge here and she can sit her arse in the back seat.

Depends on how MiL spoke to her in the first place. Sounds like there’s a back story here.

This post is a little glimpse into Normal!

Why though? Unless there is a specific need, what's so special about the front seat?

Thanks, and not at all, I was just explaining why I have strong feelings about it.

There really shouldn’t be a status to it for any earthly reason.

Maybe it’s because it is harder to have a conversation with the driver, maybe because it’s where children sit due to safety, maybe because in some cars the back is less comfortable.

There does seem to be a status aspect in society as a whole though.

I thought the “front seat” was the special seat when you were about 9 and you fought with your sibling about who’s turn it was to sit in the front.

why?

But if I were to highlight that I missed out on a childhood lesson like basic manners, then they'd fix that by treating me like a.child until I got the lesson I obviously missed.

And that's what OP and DH are doing here, teaching MIL a much needed lesson on basic manners.

It sounds like MIL is also still a child that needs disciplining.

Lolz. This is top banter.

In my attempts to show respect to @Lexibletheflexible and her manners, I have just bent over so far backwards that I could look up my own fundament, and then this drops!

I feel that the moral high ground has collapsed from under her, taking her credibility with it. A well-mannered, yet fraudulent, grifting criminal, who, with audacity bordering on the impertinent, expects us to take lessons from her in how to show respect to people. Brava! Well played!

That is hilarious!

Read the thread. It’s shocking!

Basic manners would have been voluntarily vacating the front seat for your MIL.

I had no idea about the car seat etiquette, and if someone was kind enough to give me a lift I’d sit wherever they wanted me to. She’s trying to scentmark her territory OP

It's just a seat? What does it have to do with respect?

If you're in the back of an uber, what about respect then?

It really hasn't.. when an ex prisoner has to lecture you on basic manners because theyve been raised with better values than you, it's you that should feel ashamed.

Being older doesn't make you more worthy of anything. What it does mean is that your muscles are weaker despite exercise, your joints are stiffer and less mobile therefore many things gradually get harder.
That said your MIL had no excuse to be so rude. Has she ever behaved well towards you? Why couldn't she get an Uber to,her hospital appointment?

Whether to sit in the back 'is' nothing in my world, some of us are not perpetually annoyed for stupid reasons!

What was the hospital appointment for? Was she looking forward to a chat with your DH on the way there? She doesn't like you and it's got bigger than it needs to have done.

Much as I’ve said I don’t think there should be a status to it, I do expect my teens to go in the back if there’s a mature adult around (unless it’s my exh/ their dad because he can’t be trusted not to lean forward at junctions).

I will get flamed for this, but especially if the teen is a boy and there’s a woman passenger. A teenage boy going in the front above an adult woman - unless he is very car sick and that is explained - just feels wrong to me. I feel like the seeds of male entitlement get sown that way.

If the adult says “oh no it’s fine” then it’s fine and teen can go in the front but otherwise not.

That's not basic manners, that's anticipating someone's wants. And maybe OP would have done that if MIL hadn't treated OP like a second class family member for years.

Most people want the front seat. Part of having manners is anticipating what someone might want.

If it's nothing then MIL shouldn't have ordered OP to get in the back.

You can't have it both ways.

But she used manners while she committed crimes so it’s all good 😂😂