AIBU to refuse the back seat when giving my MIL a lift?

[Frontseat]

MIL expects lifts . Fair enough dh obliges.

Sometimes I’m with him as while she’s in an appt we get other jobs done/shopping etc

Turned up today and she ordered me into the back seat ! I said no - if you want a lift get in if not book an uber.
The seats are on the same level, just as accessible and the same leg room ( im petite so have the seat pulled forward so back seat has lots of space).
She went mad started shouting at me ! To have some respect and move. Called me a ‘rude disrespectful little bitch’.

Dh has then told her to sort out a taxi he’s not having her speak to me that way.

She has phoned repeatedly (we ignored)
Shes messaged to say she missed her hospital appt because of me !!!

AIBU to think she should have just sat in the back ?!!

Then this is a lesson to MIL that respect gets respect.

If MIL had said 'DIL, would you mind if I sat in the front so I can chat to son?', OP would likely have said said yes.

But if someone told me 'Get in the back' and then followed it up with 'You rude, disrespectful little bitch', there is no way I would show them any respect.

I didn't know if it was the same in Russia, Spain etc. but yes, exactly- it's just a default position I would take, I wouldn't even think about it. I certainly wouldn't be raising my blood pressure over such trivialities!

Yes. they have obviously never been in a chauffeured Rolls!

Getting the shit slapped out of you by your mother as a grown woman isn't the flex you think it is.

It sounds like cyclical abuse rather than respectful family.

I feel the same, starting to think I was highly unusual in not being so angry over such a minor issue.

Possibly, although I am curious as to how the other 3 lifts went and what exactly OP construed as an ‘order’ to move. I feel there is a back story to this because it escalated so quickly with both of them.

I am very travel sick so I did say this might colour my opinion.

It only recently dawned on me that I would not like to travel in something like a limo - but I’ve never had the chance so hadn’t thought about it!

So MIL should have appreciated being chauffeured in the back.

Now she will get zero lifts.

When did you get called 'a rude, disrespectful little bitch' and by whom?

Oh there are some things my parents would slap the shit out of their kids for irrespective of their age. Bad manners is one of them.

I think it is pretty clear there is a lot of backstory - which has now dripped in.

But people do let insecurity wind them up over absolutely nothing.

Yes, I was thinking the same.

OP has stated no mobility issues, MIL is early 60s which I dont consider elderly either. It's not really comparable either if you were getting a lift in someone else's car and move for their mother rather than giving a lift in your own car

To be honest she just sounds like a total fkn nightmare and I'd be glad she'd given me an excuse to never see her again.

Obviously sit in the back if you prefer it!

I think most people prefer the front for one reason or another - maybe it’s just the view like OP’s MIL claims, maybe it’s some perceived status.

For me it’s car sickness (I actually far prefer to be the driver, as I still get mildly nauseous in the front passenger seat, as opposed to horribly so in the back) but because it’s so bad it makes me very cross when some people think their height trumps this just because it’s visible.

I’m just saying height doesn’t come into it at all.

I’m just annoyed at the waste of a hospital appointment, with people complaining about wait times!

You clearly don’t like taking MIL, don’t wait with her whilst she’s waiting or support her in anyway, no idea what the appointment is for and how much support she may need or want.

We’ve only been told one side of the story, no idea who is BU.

If you still have a parent/kid dynamic then that doesn't sound healthy, no wonder you think OP should submit to bad behaviour.

Oh, yes, I agree. I mean other people, not you thinking it’s a status thing.
I am sorry I sounded a bit critical of you personally, not my intention at all.

What's so special about the front seat? I expect people to just sit in the seat that's available. I wouldn't dream of ordering anyone to move and certainly wouldn't move if I was ordered to move. The only exception is moving seats if there is an actual need to do so.

You and your DH did the right thing.

Being called a '‘rude disrespectful little bitch’ is not nothing.' Your minimisation isn't working.

I'll always be my parent's child and there will always be a hierarchy there. I'm their adult child, sure. But if I were to highlight that I missed out on a childhood lesson like basic manners, then they'd fix that by treating me like a.child until I got the lesson I obviously missed.

Thankfully, that hasn't been necessary. I learned basic etiquette in the correct window

I am totally shocked about the way she reacted and can see that this is about so much more than who sits in the front seat.

A relative also does this (just myself and teen DC). Teens are used to sitting in the front of their own family car. However, my perfectly able bodied relative always makes an issue of this. She is very sneaky about it and tries to nab the front seat before my DC.

Difficult relative can be very manipulative and has some mental health issues. It sounds like your MIL isn't quite right.

This, I offer my mum the front seat to be nice/polite, and she declines it to be nice/polite.

But you don't know the OP, how do you know what she is like towards the MIL at other times? Perhaps they are both as bad as each other.

The car seat was nothing was my meaning.

The little bitch comment came after as I understand it. I think the op had already said "no" by then.