AIBU to tell my daughter to report a flatmate's mother?

[Boxingshibes]

Dd went to university a couple of weeks ago. She is setting in well and likes her flatmates.
Unfortunately there seems to be a problem with one of them. She is an international student and her mum came over to help settle her in, all fine.
BUT
The mum is still there, sleeping in the same room as the daughter.
The rest of them are getting increasingly annoyed as she's just there and as she doesn't speak any English it's difficult to ask what her plans are.
When dd moved in her contract said that she wasn't allowed any overnight guests to stay more than 2 consecutive nights.
Its been 2 weeks!
I've told them to go to student housing/ welfare and say something. Maybe they can do something?
Surely at the very least it's a safety issue if there was a fire or something as this woman isn't supposed to be there?
The rest of them dont want to get this girl and her mum into trouble but if the mums visa runs out surely that's worse?
I know I can't do anything but how do I get through to dd?

First you say “I can’t see anyone saying leave it”. I corrected you now you’re saying “oh but there aren’t anymore”..

Look above you just a few posts, @Tryagain26 stupid post has been quoted.

Anyway I’m not going to continue spelling things out for you, you’re obviously not using your eyes properly.

That sounds ridiculous! Who wants to be sharing Uni accommodation with someone's mum?!

No I knew there was only one post saying that. That’s why I pointed it out.

“for the posters saying leave it” = you’ve exaggerated one post somewhat

Literally just proved once again you do not read properly- I did not write that, I am another poster 😂

Go drink some coffee love.

Another idea - why don’t you phone up the halls and ask what you need to bring when you move in with your DD. Can you have another key? Can you have one cut? Do you need to inform the council for council tax purposes? And when they tell you - in no uncertain terms - that it absolutely isn’t permitted for you to be there for more than two nights, you can point out how unfair it is, because the flatmate’s mother has been there for weeks and has no plans to move out, so why shouldn’t the same rules apply to you…..

Why does it bother the other students?
This woman knocks off the oven when they are trying to cook.
Shouts at them for talking at 11pm.
They have moved away from their own parents to experience life in a new city, independence, make new friends, party, enjoy themselves. Instead they are stuck with someone else's mother living with them.
Id have been furious if this is what I was lumbered with when I went to university. It's so bloody selfish and inconsiderate of the other teens living there.
Mum could get a hotel, her and her daughter could have got housing together. Basically any other option would be more acceptable than what these teens are being expected to tolerate.
If it was my dc I'd actually be reporting this to the accommodation myself. Plausible deniability for dc too 🤣.

Your daughter and housemates are adults. They need to put her in her place if she shouts at them. Forget the language issue, she'll know. Knock on the girl's door to tell the girl with the mother there that tirning off the oven is not ok when it happens.

I hope they are inviting the girl out too?

They need to report her as a group.

Dealing with accommodation issues is all part of the university experience. They need to crack on with it. It's a bonding experience! I just hope it doesn't become your daughter and everyone else vs this girl.

I didn’t say it was you? You’re posting like a mentalist

“Flat Party on Friday night. Open house - byob. 11.00 a.m. until dawn.”
Invite the women’s rugby/hockey teams.
Should work.

I had this in my first year of uni. Shared a flat with twins from another county and both their parents stayed for the first few weeks. It was pretty odd but then they left and all fine. The thing is it sounds like this mum is particularly overbearing with her daughter and her daughter doesn't know how to manage the situation herself.

Part of me feels like you'd be doing her a favour to report it - she probably wants her mum to leave.

The twins I shared with were very timid but really came out of their shell over the course of the year. We're still in touch many years later.

Just get them to use Google translate!! I’m a bit worried they haven’t tried it already TBH. Most international students I’ve met (a lot) use it when trying to ask me something

If i was you i would phone the university tomorrow and report it anonymously so your daughter doesnt have to worry about it. The situation is ridiculous and unfair. Students want to be young and free.

The under 18s thing is irrelevant. The nationality of the student and her (deranged) mother are irrelevant.

ALL that matters is that the rules of the uni are that visitors are not allowed to stay more than 2 days. This woman has been there 2 weeks. @Boxingshibes your DD - perhaps taking a flatmate for backup - needs to go to the student accommodation office tomorrow and complain. Not in a nasty way, just in a "these are the facts" way. Then it's in the hands of the uni.

I don't think university is going to work out for your daughter's flat mate and her mom. I've actually had to call security at my job when a college kid we hired mom began sneaking into our workplace that was closed to all public. He was let go shory after because sneaking her in was a huge security breech. This is not ok or normal OP I hope your daughter speaks up quickly along with the other flat mates

But not for 2 weeks, with no discussion about when they will leave. This isn't staying the night, it's moving in.
There may be a sad back story to this; perhaps the mum has nowhere to go or is hiding from an abuser, in which case hopefully the university will direct her to the right help.

I just hope it doesn't become your daughter and everyone else vs this girl.

While I don’t morally agree with groups ganging up on one person, how can they be accepting of her and wanting to include her on nights out if the daughter is enabling the behaviour of her mother?

There’s been a few assumptions on the thread that the daughter must be mortified by her mother being there, and wants her gone as much as the others. There is a high chance this is not true. Many international students have very different relationships with their parents than their British peers (I am also a foreigner and noticed young British people have much more independence away from their parents). I posted my own experience of sharing with another international student earlier on in the thread. This girl would defend her mother no matter what.

It would not surprise me if the girl in questioned wanted her mother there, even at her roommate’s inconvenience and expense. She most likely doesn’t care if they’re uncomfortable with the living arrangement.

I've actually had to call security at my job when a college kid we hired mom began sneaking into our workplace that was closed to all public.

Shocking. For what reason was he sneaking her in, out of curiosity?

Are you quite well? Of course any person not paying rent cannot squat in the flat for weeks on end. Nothing mean about it. The idea that someone would bring their mum to Uni is deranged. If she wants to make sure her daughter is settled then she can go stay elsewhere.

Btw I worked in HE. This is not the first time I've heard of this happening. The girl probably thinks it's ok, the mum too. But in the UK it's not and the other flatmates are not mean to object.

Agree some posters are failing to see the material difference between a mate from back home crashing on your floor for a weekend, and a mother MOVING IN for at least a fortnight with no indication of getting ready to go.

University halls have no issues with guests. Every student flat has extra people coming ansd going - my DS is off to Stirling on a night out soon and will be sleeping on student DD's sofa. But nobody can SERIOUSLY think it's OK for a mum to be there for 2 weeks or more?

If the student is an overseas student paying overseas fees then the crazy mother should be staying in a Premier Inn or Airbnb, she will be able to afford it.

You’re imagining things through your own lens tbf. We don’t know who is fleeing what or has traveled from where or the reasons why

I agree, if it were my DD I'd be paying a visit and removing said parasite from the accommodation. Cheeky fuckers

“for the posters saying leave it” = you’ve exaggerated one post somewhat

You literally did.

You’re posting like a mentalist

And you say I’ve exaggerated 😂

Are you serious? Part of the motivation of going to uni is having a good time with people your own age. I can’t imagine how uncomfortable it would be to have someone’s mum sleeping there. Apart from that, the accommodate x amount of people so mum needs to go.

None of which are relevant to the OP’s daughter and her other roommates. Shouting at them in their own home another language when she’s not on the tenancy? The brass neck of the woman. I wouldn’t care what her reasons were for being there.

You’ve misunderstood the post. That poster was responding to the allegation the mother was a fire risk by pointing out she was indeed, no different to any other overnight guest in terms of fire.

so she’s quite well, it would seem.