AIBU to tell my daughter to report a flatmate's mother?

[Boxingshibes]

Dd went to university a couple of weeks ago. She is setting in well and likes her flatmates.
Unfortunately there seems to be a problem with one of them. She is an international student and her mum came over to help settle her in, all fine.
BUT
The mum is still there, sleeping in the same room as the daughter.
The rest of them are getting increasingly annoyed as she's just there and as she doesn't speak any English it's difficult to ask what her plans are.
When dd moved in her contract said that she wasn't allowed any overnight guests to stay more than 2 consecutive nights.
Its been 2 weeks!
I've told them to go to student housing/ welfare and say something. Maybe they can do something?
Surely at the very least it's a safety issue if there was a fire or something as this woman isn't supposed to be there?
The rest of them dont want to get this girl and her mum into trouble but if the mums visa runs out surely that's worse?
I know I can't do anything but how do I get through to dd?

Exactly! Why would they even imagine it's something they could do?

If the international student's mum wants to hang around unnecessarily then why isn't she at least staying in a hotel?

No wonder there is so little resilience amongst young adults if their parents hover around when they go to university.

I think they should report now. The mum is well out of order and needs to fuck off.

I’d be absolutely stepping in here and asking reception for their risk assessment.

I think 18-year-olds sometimes need a helping hand into adulthood. Particularly when we have conditioned them for years to be respectful of older adults.

It is a tough call to know when to step in, but on this, I would be absolutely modelling strong and protective woman. Hope it gets sorted soon

What culture is this other mum from ? If they asked the daughter and she doesn’t know then tell them to ask the mum directly . Chat gpt does live translation .

She definitely needs to talk to the flatmate and get more information.

Im only aware of the this happening he once but I do of a situation where a mum got permission to stay for a extended period. I do know the other flatmates raised hell about it but it didn't change the situation.
Funny enough this is Scotland too Edinburgh?

Im pretty sure the point was just to explain what the cultural angle could be, not excuse it. Quite interesting I thought

This! I can’t believe anyone is suggesting otherwise!

related to the poster above who talked about cultural differences- there are still many cultures (Chinese, Indian, Pakistani etc) where a British university education is very aspirational. These aren’t necessarily rich people, they can make huge sacrifices to give their child that opportunity. They want their child to get the best education, they aren’t interested in them learning, gaining independence or resilience etc- they’re literally there for the degree

Yes. Could you imagine if this was a brother or boyfriend that had come out and shouted? Just because she's a woman doesn't make this ok.

I can’t see anyone saying leave it?

It should be reported. With all the details being provided here.

@Boxingshibes Its just very awkward and weird. The girl doesn't really leave her room and if she does her mum is there.

Has the girl been to any of the introductory stuff, and is she going to classes/lectures?

It needs reporting immediately. I could be wrong but feels like you just reported a much older stranger is sleeping in close proximity of your child?

Also, you are correct. If there is an incident, safety or otherwise, and no one reported it; they might be liable.

Also: it's just fucking rude. And if no one says anything, there can / will be a repeat in future.

I was brought up in Malaysia and had many Chinese friends at school. I would not be at all surprised if this girl's mother is expe ting to stay for the first term. Much to the total embarrassment of the daughter. The other girls need to make student services aware who can then have a word and ask her to leave.

Having a parent for more than a night totally changes the atmosphere and totally takes the joy out of independent life.

The daughter will be so glad to see her mum leave.

The answer to this situation is to tell the university that the presence of the bullying mother is seriously harming the mental well-being of the other students. It's depressing having to be manipulative but the baggage will be despatched by close or business if there's a suicide risk identified.

OP, I would be phoning student services on behalf of your DD - then she won’t be the person who has caused this to be looked into - because it does need looking into, and the mother needs to leave.

If it was a man, there would be additional safeguarding issues.

Im only aware of the this happening he once but I do of a situation where a mum got permission to stay for a extended period.

Got permission whom exactly? If she is not on the tenancy? And on what grounds?

It's different because it's someone's mother, not a contemporary.

It's different because she's stayed two weeks so far, not just a night or two.

It's different because legally and officially she is not supposed to be there, so no-one would look for her if there was a fire.

It's different because the mother turns off the oven when the girls are trying to cook something.

It's different because the mother comes out and shouts at the legal, rent-paying flatmates when they are talking in the kitchen.

It's different because the other girls have spoken to this girl to ask when her mother is leaving and she replied that she didn't know.

I would be reporting this both verbally and in writing to all and sundry - Reception, Accommodation Office, Student Welfare, Campus Security, Head of whatever course she's studying...

I would keep reporting it until someone took some action and evicted the mother. And i would demand a rent rebate for every day they didn't deal with it after I reported it.

Id be reporting it. Its weird and not how i want my student life to be

One of the first replies was from this daft woman saying “Leave her alone. Is it because she’s foreign?”

As someone who works in a university and rolls my eyes at helicoptering parents, I absolutely think you should be kicking up an absolute stink about this with the university’s accommodation office.

She's not supposed to be there and she's making trouble by turning off the oven and shouting at people for no reason. It's been two weeks. They should complain.

But there weren’t any others saying that were there? There are 170 replies on the thread!

“It's different because legally and officially she is not supposed to be there, so no-one would look for her if there was a fire”

why do people think this? When there is a fire do you think the fire brigade get a list of residents then go looking for them? Of course they don’t! The clear the whole building, systematically, looking everywhere