AIBU to feel hurt my husband will not visit my gallery display?

[NewAquaHare]

my Art is being displayed for the first time in a gallery which is 2.5hrs drive away. My husband says it’s too far to go and it’s not his thing anyway. AIBU to be upset by his lack of support? If it was the other way round I’d be excited to go and see it. He says it’s my hobby not his.

Is it one painting/piece or a display op? Either way actually I think he's an arse. I'd be very upset if I asked DP to come to something important with me for me and he said no.
If you tell us where it is I'm sure those of us close enough to get to it would pop along!

This is becoming a bit of a Mumsnet theme of late.

We've had at least three "My husband won't read the book I've had published, or "Won't attend my book launch" etc and now this.

There are some very selfish men around.

This is such an achievement. He must know that by saying that he doesn't want to go that he is saying that he isn't interested in you or in celebrating your success.

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who didn't want to share in my success.

What a way to take the shine off such a lovely thing.

Firstly, very well done on the exhibition,what an achievement!
Secondly,
He's an insensitive absolute prat.
Don't waste your life on a prat.

Congratulations! Absolutely brilliant achievement and very exciting. Your husband is a mean spirited man. I hate him and I’ve never met him.

Can you see if a friend would like to go with you? If you could afford it book a hotel for the night and make a little trip of it?

Yes just one piece and he has already seen it - he literally said this to me (that he’d already seen it). My point to him was that seeing my art on display is different to me just showing him at home. I appreciate it’s a long round trip but also think it’s really special and I’d travel for him of it was the other way round.

He doesn’t want to celebrate your success as it makes him feel inferior.

I travelled that far on two trains and a bus to watch a friend defend her thesis. It was a two-hour presentation on a subject I know nothing about and have very little interest in... And I wouldn't have missed it for the world!

Just to give you some perspective on things that ordinary people do for people they care about.

Your husband is being horrible.

That’s sad to hear :(

just being completely honest is it a proper gallery or is it more a kind of local artist trying to sell paintings in a gift shop/cafe/community space type thing? If you're not expecting it to happen again it sounds more like a hobby and not anything too amazing, plus presumably he has seen your work at home so 5 hours driving seems like a lot of hard work to see something he has already seen. If it was a proper gallery and an opening night then yes he ought to have accompanied you as the artist's partner. But the point is, you are feeling hurt so you should raise it with him.

I can understand why he doesn't want to drive 5 hours to see a painting he's already seen. If it was the opening night and you wanted to get dressed up and go together and enjoy the event and bask in your achievement he would be an arse not to go but if the event has already passed and you're just going to look at a painting he's already seen but in a public place 5 hours is too much for that. An hour round trip is reasonable, I wouldn't want to do a 5 hour round trip for it though when the opening event has been and gone. It's a shame you couldn't attend that as it would have been lovely.

Firstly - Congratulations OP 🥂

This is a great achievement- I would make this trip for a friend let alone a husband/wife/partner. Same as I’d watch them in a sports match/play/etc. What’s the point of life if we don’t cheer each other on and celebrate things like this!

The only thing that I would hold back on is if this was your tenth new hobby in a year and we were all a bit sick of the flash in the pan habit, but there’s nothing in your OP to suggest that. Sadly I think you have a shitty husband. Please tell me you can drive and get to the gallery yourself? Do not let him sabotage you!

No, he’s horrible. I went that far to see my friends beautiful exhibition and he’s really only the boyfriend of my friend.

Well, yes. I would classify certain leisure activities as very much of a lesser nature in terms of achievement compared with having one’s paintings on public display, or playing in an important tie for your regular weekend football team.

I don't think that equates exactly to saying that this or that pastime is contemptible; this is about achievement resulting from significant effort, dedication, and talent.
Clocking up hours in front of a screen in a game where flashes of brio or originality (just for example) aren’t greatly valued strikes me as a different category altogether.
One is all about individual human genius, the other, about having acquired enormous technical skill and an ability to maintain focus for very long stretches ( I imagine!)
Quite possibly these are parallel rather than lesser, despite my own attitude, but certainly not in the same category.
(Damnit I should have deferred commenting til I’d much more caffeine in my brain, as I’m making a weedy case here, no doubt)

If I recall it correctly, in my example the OP really was expected just to sit there while He played his game, nobody else around, no interactions going on, and she couldnt even peer at his screen/s had she the urge.
No way will I ever classify that, even if He IS winning, alongside other very obvious personal achievements.

Congratulations!! 🥂 🍾 🌺

i'm sorry to say, you are not being in the least but unreasonable and he is being a complete arse.

Unsupportive, unloving , uncaring arsewipe.
And yes, you definitely need to look into this relationship and decide if you want to be in it or not. You deserve someone more supportive than this..

My mum took up art after she retired. My dad was incredibly supportive. I'm very sorry your husband isn't being the same..

My mum went on to do quite a few gallery exhibitions and also local artist exhibitions, which are very well thought of her area. She sold a lot of her art as well, which was a massive boost to self self-confidence, that people actually wanted to buy it. She is in her 80s now and still paints and still sells the occasional print though not as many as she doesn't do as many exhibitions any more because it's physically too draining and unfortunately I don't live in the same country, so I'm unable to help her.

yes it's a long trip to see a piece of art hanging up that you have already seen at home and if you had done this 50 times before I could kind of understand it, but you're very first piece in a gallery is a huge deal and your husband should be supporting you, enthusiastically so.

He's not gonna get any better, do you really want to waste your life on him?

xx

PS to my longer reply: there’s also the element of shared experience, isn’t there?
The gamer DP I mentioned wanted her to sit for hours, silent in his special room, in their flipping house, while he did his thing.
How that support is even felt, let alone required, escapes me 🤷🏼‍♀️

That's awful. Was he expected to do the driving?

Where is it? Might be near me? I paint and love art galleries.

Umm - how very strange and co-incidental.....

no it’s a proper gallery hence why it feels special and it feels like it could be a one off as it’s hard to get featured in galleries when I’m not an established artist / I work full time and don’t have time to dedicate to getting my work out there all the time, so these opportunities don’t come along often.

I think he sounds miserable. I would be excited to go and see a friend or family member's work so definitely wouldn't miss it for a spouse.

Edit: wouldn't not would!

Yes of course he should be more supportive, if he knows it’s something that means a lot to you. That should be enough for him to go. Having said that, it is a long drive. Who will be driving, and is this to be done in a day? I think I’d at least turn it into an overnight stay and do something nice the next day, as well. He sounds like someone who’s done a cost/benefit analysis of the proposed trip, and has concluded that the cost - a long drive and potential boredom - is too high for the derived benefit of making you happy, which is a shame. Does he know how you feel?

I felt like that when I found out that my parents were not coming to my graduation even though its only 40 miles and my sister offered to drive them.I was the first ever in the family to go to uni and got a 1st.

I was the only one in my course without parents there and never forgave them.

I completely get why you’re upset. I would be too. It doesn’t matter if it’s his thing or not. He should be supporting you. I do craft fairs and my husband supports me, it’s not his thing and he wouldn’t choose to go if I weren’t displaying my products but he does it because I’m his wife and supporting each other is a part of marriage.

I'm so sorry that your husband isn’t supportive of you and I hope your event goes well 💐

Congratulations on your art being exhibited, that's very exciting!

I'm afraid you are married to a selfish shit. I hope he wasn't the reason you missed the opening night.

You are so not being unreasonable. This happened to a friend of mine (first exhibition) and I couldn’t mask the look of shock on my face. I didn’t say anything but my face most have said it all. She said he’d been supporting her in other ways but did seem embarrassed even as she said it