AIBU to feel hurt my husband will not visit my gallery display?

[NewAquaHare]

my Art is being displayed for the first time in a gallery which is 2.5hrs drive away. My husband says it’s too far to go and it’s not his thing anyway. AIBU to be upset by his lack of support? If it was the other way round I’d be excited to go and see it. He says it’s my hobby not his.

tbh I'm not sure I'd drive 2.5 hours to see my own art, but if it was really important to my partner I'd go with them to see theirs.

He doesn't appreciate you or your work. It's sad to read this.

Almost the same here… the proof copy sat on his bedside table for two months before I asked him if he was going to read it or not because my parents and friends were begging me to read it.

He did read it after that (not sure how thoroughly) and gave some vague compliment. He was mostly interested in how he could leverage the publication to promote his business.

@NewAquaHare this is sadly a sign of how much he cares for you, or rather, doesn’t. Don’t waste your time on a man who is indifferent to your joys and successes.

No. No friends. No family members who have done anything interesting. At least, not that they’ve told us about 😅

We are extremely ND as an extended family group. I’ve lost all sight of ‘normal’, I must admit. The bigger impulse is ‘not making a fuss’, ‘not drawing attention to yourself’. Or ‘other people and their opinions are irrelevant’!

I probably shouldn’t comment, but actually there are plenty people like my family around. Very much focussed on efficiency. It’s inefficient to travel 5 hours to see a picture you’ve seen before.

Yes, but watching the football is totally different to playing in the match?

You could have had a nice celebratory day out though couldn't you? Go for lunch/dinner, raise a glass, celebrate this lovely thing that has happened in your life. Doesn't matter that he's seen it already.

I would be disappointed too.

Can you offer to drive him?

That's amazing, congratulations OP! Definitely something for you to be proud of and excited about. I'd be disappointed with your husband's reaction too.

Would you be up for sharing a photo of your work here, so we can all pretend we've been to see it and cheer you on?

It's a bloody bleak outlook on life though, isn't it!

I mean, what's it all for?

Go to work, pay taxes, then assisted death?

My partner is an artist and I would go, but yours just doesn't see the significance for some reason. If you're happy with him in other ways perhaps you need to accept his lack of empathy! Congratulations, it's a great achievement.

My late OH supported all my exhibitions and helped with putting up and taking down.

I find the responses on this post so sad. This is such a huge achievement and the closest person to her on the planet doesn’t want to see it because of the inconvenience of a drive. He should be buzzing for you, matching your energy. I have a hobby that is becoming a passion of mine that is creative. My husband doesn’t like my hobby but he talks to me about it, I share my ideas with him, he admires the skill in the things I create. I think his lack of enthusiasm is just really really sad.

That’s very close… amassing wealth is important too! And feeling satisfied smug that you have lived a rational, sensible life.
My values are different. I’ve also had to do a lot of work on myself, personality and mental health wise. So my outlook is a bit different.

Sounds very much like my family, not big on ceremony or just being there when it makes no material difference. My parents didn't attend my graduation but then I didn't either :-)

I have county championship medals in the sport I do, I don't expect anyone to come watch. It's boring enough waiting around as a competitor never mind a spectator tbh. I genuinely don't see how someone coming sitting and watching me is being supportive.

Op I think you need to listen to what he is telling you here. He knows you want to go and yet he would rather upset you than help you to celebrate an achievement and something you are proud of. That’s without even addressing that he has no interest in celebrating you himself. That’s not someone you want to stay with, surely?

i went out for years (far too many) with a man who never bought me a single present, not for any Christmas or birthday or valentines or anything else in all the years we were together. I wish I’d ‘listened’ early on before I got reeled in and smitten. Because I am now married to someone who is AWFUL at presents but who is a genuinely lovely guy, makes me dinner when I’m tired, makes me laugh and in so many ways celebrates me all the time. So the presents weren’t the real issue- like here the issue isn’t really your artwork - it’s the relationship that’s the problem. The gallery trip is just a symptom of that.

you deserve more. Why do you think this is good enough for you? It’s not.

I’m not an art fan but I’d be very excited if DP did something like this and even if I wasn’t I’d lie!

The point of the jaunt isn’t to study the painting though, is it?
It’s to accompany your spouse as she enjoys deserved chuffedness in seeing her work hanging in an actual real life art gallery.
Her name on a programme, maybe a poster too! He could at least feign excitement for her. Any serious amateur painter craves having her work recognised, and so it’s a big deal.
If he is so limited of vision not to comprehend as much, it must be bloody difficult to feel he understands (let alone appreciates) one at all.

If he had an ounce of generosity about him he’d think of a way to make a day of it instead of whingeing about the drive. (He drive up, and with a curry and celebratory pint after the gallery, she drive back?)

He sounds really miserable OP, don’t let him spoil this for you.

Have you got a friend you can go with and have a day out or make a weekend of it? Have a nice lunch / dinner, go to the gallery, just have a nice time. What a lovely excuse for a little jolly.

Isn’t the gallery in this case exhibiting the top 40 entries in a competition? So it’s a bit different to a normal gallery showing work. Still good to get into the top 10% of course.

I’d go for a friend. I’d make a weekend of it and stay overnight. He’s a selfish little man.

Yes it is, it was chosen as one of only 20 out of almost 300 entries from artists across the UK (the other 20 were larger newsprints), judged by award winning artists. This is still a big achievement in my eyes and it’s up in a gallery for all to see. Sorry if this doesn’t sound significant enough to you. My work has still been selected to be displayed in a gallery, that’s my point.

Rain on her parade why don’t you.
That’s a very pusillanimous point to make, since she hardly attempted to claim it is a one-woman show at a national cultural institution. But to any artist starting out it must feel quite as thrilling, secretly. Let it be.

@NewAquaHare can we see it online?

As the saying goes IF HE WANTED TO, HE WOULD

I'm sorry OP, I think his reaction/explanation is very telling and I would be questioning the whole relationship if it was me.

Forgot to add, huge congratulations to you OP that is a really big achievement! 👏🏻