AIBU to feel hurt my husband will not visit my gallery display?

[NewAquaHare]

my Art is being displayed for the first time in a gallery which is 2.5hrs drive away. My husband says it’s too far to go and it’s not his thing anyway. AIBU to be upset by his lack of support? If it was the other way round I’d be excited to go and see it. He says it’s my hobby not his.

Yes definitely go with your daughter. At 12 she will understand how well you have done and be so proud of her talented mother.

Don't take her "quietly". There's no need to hide your success or that you want to enjoy your achievement and have fun. Your husband can miss out on a special event but you and your daughter absolutely shouldn't.

Make a weekend of it and have a fabulous time. We visited Scarborough at Easter and actually had a lovely time there. I was surprised at how much there was to do.

That would hurt me too, especially as it means so much to you. You think he would make the effort and that he would be proud of your achievement. Does he show an interest in anything else you do or say?

Op an absolute massive congratulations to you.

I would be deeply hurt by this. I cannot imagine any set of circumstances where my DH would not be thrilled, proud and up for the trip at the first opportunity. We would be going overnight and making a mini break out of it - not sure if you have available finances for this but we would make it a priority.

I recently completed my first draft of a novel. It took a year to write around my job and other commitments with DC. I sent it off to have one copy printed to review before rewriting and (kind of for a joke) got a proper cover put on so it looks like a book. My DH was gushing in his praise. It was very sweet and even though I knew it was silly and kept reminding him anyone can print their own book he was insistent that even finishing it was impressive.

If the unbelievable happened and I got it published properly and had a launch party or wanted to view it on the shelves in bookshops and he refused to join me in presence and excitement well... I'd be genuinely gutted, that's all i can tell you.

Now some tough love from a stranger - do NOT let him diminish this for you. I insist that - today - you contact at least three people you know (friend or relative) and ask them to join you and DD on a little trip to see your exhibition next weekend. Don't overthink who to ask, even if it's a newer friendship. At worst they will be delighted you though of them even if they aren't available. Then no matter what you and your DD make a giant fuss about your special girls trip away to see mum's exhibition. She must be so proud of you and you will be teaching her how important it is to celebrate life's wins.

Congratulations again from me. I'm not in the UK but if I was I'd love to go see it.

A five hour round trip!?

YABU

@NewAquaHareI think you should show this thread to your husband and let him see how women feel about unsupportive partners. His lack of support is horrible and the key thing for me is you saying you would be there for him if it was the other way around.
My DH has recently started painting and his art group had an exhibition in a local gallery. I couldn’t get there quick enough! OK, it was local, but I would have made the effort wherever it was. Our (adult) son recently had a few photos in an exhibition and we travelled for hours to see it, me with a bad leg. It’s what partners and families do, support, praise and lift each other up.
If you can afford it, go to Scarborough with your daughter for weekend, stay in a nice hotel and have fun!

Surely his supporting role is to wander round the gallery and listen to comments/feedback in relation to your exhibits so that if you feel they are appropriate to incorporate in your art.

DH clearly doesn’t share or understand your self expression and how important to your mental health.

You have options whether his unwillingness to share your interests and the impact on your life is something you can deal with or you can afford to continue on your own

Love that you’re going with your daughter! Do take other family or friends who may be keen! They might be gutted they didn’t have the opportunity. Please do two things.

1. Put aside your feeling about his response - as much as its a completely crappy response and needs to be dealt with, do not let it rob you of your joy at this achievement. Celebrate yourself and your work, with your daughter, with your family. Let your response be a lesson to her in self worth and self joy and just having fun with those you love in this life. This is so worthy of celebration!!! Well done you!!!
2. Clearly communicate with him why his response is hurtful. It’s not the physical act of looking at a picture; you’ve both done that. It’s seeing it in situ, it’s having won the competition and being chosen. It’s celebrating yourself and art work and you and this achievement. He should absolutely be there. What’s more important than that?? If he doesn’t get it or apologise, think about couples therapy. You have what sounds like otherwise a pretty good marriage and marriages take a lot of work. He’s cocked up here and needs to see it, so communicating through mediation is usually always a good thing.

Get some champagne, book a meal. Heck I think you and your daughter should stay the night there and make a little weekend of it. You absolutely deserve this. Life comes and goes with a lot of mundane routine in the middle of it. Don’t let this marvellous opportunity to celebrate with your daughter pass you by. My mum and I both love art and it’s so bonding. Separate his woefully inadequate response from your moment. That can wait. This is yours ❤️

He IBU but I do find the answers on this thread interesting compared to the one a week or so ago where the OP only wanted her dh to read the first chapter of her book, when the majority thought she was being unreasonable. By any measure 15 minutes reading a chapter is easier in terms of energy, cost and time commitment than travelling 5 hours and walking around a gallery.

You won't now though if there's something he'd like support on will you? Miserable git.
Could you not make it into a day out including popping into the gallery? Or an overnight stay?
Well done either way! That's a big achievement. It's a pity he's not cheering you on in this however you don't need his validation. You know what an achievement this is. Just keep it in mind when something comes up in the future that you don't want to go to.
You'll enjoy it more with your dd anyway. Don't forget to have photos taken with you both by the artwork. It's amazing ro have been chosen from all those entries. I'd be so chuffed, I find it difficult to make a good job of painting my nails! 🥳

This would take one day, often the other threads are about men requiring far far greater commitments of time.

His view: A 5 hour round trip to see a painting he's already seen but on a different wall.
Your view: A possibly once in a lifetime achievement should be celebrated and a spouse should support.
I think you need to turn it into a weekend away and while you're there, visit the gallery.

Ignore the arsehole & be excited. It's a big deal to you & he should be proud of you & want to celebrate your achievement with you. It might not be his thing to go to a gallery but he should make the effort for you. Do you have a good friend that would go with you. Make a day of it. Go see your artwork & then go for lunch. Don't let him take away your pride & joy in what you've done.

It’s great to hear your 12 year old is already supportive of your creative talent, @NewAquaHare.

I should think after seeing your work in an actual gallery she may well become a strong ally and actively encourage you to extend your reach and ambition. Even if it means some changes at home to facilitate that.

Please don’t be embarrassed. I’ve been in a very similar situation more than once and honestly, I felt devastated.
i hope you’ve shared it far and wide with your friends and family and publicly?
Do you already showcase your art whether it’s a hobby or not?
show it off, allow other people to join your celebration and let yourself glow and feel proud.
don’t let his disinterest prevent you from celebrating your achievement, it’s a massive thing to be picked out of so many artists, being judged purely on your merit and skills: interpretation of a brief is a skill in itself!

don’t dismiss your hurt feelings by calling them ‘too sensitive’ , it allows your husband to avoid taking accountability for his unsupportive and thoughtless behaviour.

It’s not about being ‘too sensitive’, We say this too much about people showing valid feelings and it stops us from expressing our emotions when they come from a real place of feeling hurt and it teaches our children to suppress their healthy emotions.

When your husband dismissed your huge achievement as just ‘a hobby’, he minimised your feelings AND your major NATIONAL achievement!

Make a big event out of it with someone who actually cares, like your daughter or a friend , a healthy way to reclaim your joy and a fantastic lesson for your daughter.

😂

I played in a concert 20 mins from our house and my ex couldn't be bothered to show up. I kept thinking he might cos, you know, love and that. I kept looking for him in the audience but he was at the pub with his mate. It broke me - especially as he knew how nervous I was.

You're definitely not being unreasonable. As someone else has said, you could turn it into a weekend. Bloody well done on you, too, what an incredible achievement! It's quite a big chunk of your life for him not to be 'into'...I wonder how everything else is in the marriage?

Please tell your family and friends!! I bet they will be excited for you and one or two might like to join you for the drive to the gallery to see it in situ. Your husbands a knob.

I believe so.

I have gone to numerous concerts and bike racing events with him as he likes them and wanted me to go - even though I didn’t like the band or didn’t follow the racing.

You should stop doing that. It will give you more free time for painting.

Congrats on beating those high submission odds and having your work included in a quality gallery, OP! 👏 Please, please, please go and see your work up on the walls!

As an artist myself, I’ll never forget the excitement of seeing my work in an exhibition for the first time. It’s pretty special, seeing people looking at work you created. Make a day of it with your daughter - and keep on painting and submitting! X

Fabulous achievement - and enjoy the day with your DD. She will always remember it, I'm sure.

And she may well remember her DF didn't come, but that's his problem. As they say, we write our own eulogies.

That was my thought too

Yes, make a w/e of it, go shopping, make it a real treat so that you both get a fantastic memory together. & hopefully your miserable H will have time to reflect on what he's missing

I agree with you. It's very cold hearted of him...but he's like that with you already, right?