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Does the rise of the child free mean that attitudes have changed towards parents and children?

246 replies

Itchthescratch · 27/09/2026 10:35

I have been on a few threads on MN recently where animosity amongst child free people towards parents seems to be ramping up. The underlying premise seems to be that parents shouldn't receive many or in some cases any concessions from society for having children because it was their choice. Children are no longer seen as a necessary part of society that will need to be subsidised to some extent by the state and everyone else, like the elderly or disabled, but are instead seen as the fulfilment of a parent's selfish desire in the the same way that someone might choose to have a pet.

AIBU or has anyone else noticed this?

OP posts:
malificent7 · 28/09/2026 07:11

It is natural for many to want children. I totally get why some don't. People with kids often get concessions as they NEED them.
When I had dd it was the most expensive time of my life yet I couldn't work full time as she needed me. I stopped at one as couldn't afford more plus I wanted to work ft.
Some cultures have much more family friendly attitudes...kids going out in the evening to restaraunts etc. Lovely to see.

TakeTheDog · 28/09/2026 07:13

Itchthescratch · 27/09/2026 19:04

Well you are obviously proposing the end of society. That's a different argument.

Most child free people though want to live to a ripe old age with a functioning society to meet their health, social, care and other essential needs. This needs children. You need farmers out in the fields and nurses in the hospitals. You need refuse workers taking your rubbish and supermarket staff stocking shelves and warehouses. You can't expect parents to meet all the costs of creating this future workforce and expect to reap all the benefits. It's obviously unfair and completely unworkable.

This is a very overused and boring stance.

Itchthescratch · 28/09/2026 07:14

TakeTheDog · 28/09/2026 07:13

This is a very overused and boring stance.

It's probably boring and overused because it's true?

OP posts:
WhatTheHellsGoingOn · 28/09/2026 12:15

Itchthescratch · 28/09/2026 06:48

I agree that children may have originally arisen from a fulfillment of their parents' selfish desires but once they're here then they are an entity in their own right and not just a consequence of their parents' decision making. They aren't just an accessory of the parent as some like to imply. They are human beings in their own right and should be viewed and supported as such.

Ultimately aren't we all the fulfilment of our parents' selfish desires as well? We don't use this as rationale to deprive adults of state support or help.

Yes I agree.

There are actually grown adults who use the whole excuse of ‘I didn’t ask to be born!’ to emotionally blackmail their parents - my brother being one of them. I think he finally grew out of that, then transferred this to his own children making them an extension of that, as in you need to support me in supporting my children as I didn’t ask to be born! (but not in three words). The irony he chose to have kids was obv lost on him - and the fact neither of our parents presumably asked to be born either

JenniferBooth · 28/09/2026 13:26

Itchthescratch · 28/09/2026 06:49

There are literally thousands of careers that we need to keep society functioning. I imagine my children, like most people, will go into one of those careers. Why would you assume they wouldn't?

You IMAGINE they would Thats not what i asked I asked if you would be encouraging them to do so.

JenniferBooth · 28/09/2026 13:29

Itchthescratch · 28/09/2026 06:57

Ok, well I've worked since I was 15 and have experienced this frequently.

The parents that have sick young children that can't go to nursery or school. Sometimes this is chicken pox or hand, foot and mouth and can take a while to resolve itself.

The parents that have children with SEN or complex medical issues that need to attend lots of appointments or their children requires frequent hospital visits.

The parents that couldn't work the exceptional late night or weekend because they were a single parent and literally didn't have any childcare. They also couldn't do Christmas when their childcare facility was shut.

I also used to work in a shop where parents had to work specific shifts due to childcare issues. They literally couldn't afford childcare and relied on family members who could only do specific days b

The mad thing is that a lot of people seem to assume that parents are 'demanding' this flexibility so that they get an advantage over everyone else when most parents that need the flexibility are in really crap situations and trying to make it work.

I asked this on the Christmas leave thread. Why arent parents petitioning the Government for Christmas childcare They do it when it comes to the useless CMS

Vivi0 · 28/09/2026 13:36

JenniferBooth · 28/09/2026 13:29

I asked this on the Christmas leave thread. Why arent parents petitioning the Government for Christmas childcare They do it when it comes to the useless CMS

Why arent parents petitioning the Government for Christmas childcare
**
I didn’t see that thread, but I can’t quite work out what you mean.

What is Christmas childcare, and why would (or should) anyone be petitioning for it?

Letmegogog · 28/09/2026 13:56

Vivi0 · 28/09/2026 13:36

Why arent parents petitioning the Government for Christmas childcare
**
I didn’t see that thread, but I can’t quite work out what you mean.

What is Christmas childcare, and why would (or should) anyone be petitioning for it?

Well on threads about Christmas leave you’ll get some parents saying the only reason they can’t work over Christmas is because there’s no childcare and they would happily work if there was. So the person you were replying to was wondering why no one tries petitioning for childcare to be available over Christmas so then parents can work.

Vivi0 · 28/09/2026 14:02

Letmegogog · 28/09/2026 13:56

Well on threads about Christmas leave you’ll get some parents saying the only reason they can’t work over Christmas is because there’s no childcare and they would happily work if there was. So the person you were replying to was wondering why no one tries petitioning for childcare to be available over Christmas so then parents can work.

Well, that’s just stupid, isn’t it.

Never did I think I’d be alive at a time where people genuinely believe that nursery’s should be open on Christmas Day to allow parents to work.

What a sad state of affairs.

JenniferBooth · 28/09/2026 14:18

Vivi0 · 28/09/2026 14:02

Well, that’s just stupid, isn’t it.

Never did I think I’d be alive at a time where people genuinely believe that nursery’s should be open on Christmas Day to allow parents to work.

What a sad state of affairs.

But its ok for the child free to take the hit all the time. Thats not sad at all A child free person is still someones child so why doesnt the "sad state of affairs" extend to them

Justbrieme · 28/09/2026 14:18

Itchthescratch · 27/09/2026 10:49

Yes, I think a lot of it is rooted in misogyny, just it's changed form. Before it was assumed that women couldn't do what men could because they had children. Having children was the primary purpose of women.

Then I think it shifted to having it all. Women were expected to do both.

Now I think it's shifted again and women are almost blamed for having children and needing concessions because of this. If you chose to have the child then you should carry all the consequences yourself.

I think the children are sometimes considered now as consequences of the parents' choices. So if the state pays for a state education for a child then this is a benefit that the parents are receiving that child free people don't get. It's not seen as a necessity for the child that will need that education to be a productive member of society that the child free will rely on in the future.

I think you missed the latest right wing twist to this spinning top. Now the misogynistic have moved onto women won’t have enough children with us because they are too selfish and choosey about men.

All of it are just the sides of the misogynistic culture everyone is immersed in. Men and women.

Vivi0 · 28/09/2026 14:34

JenniferBooth · 28/09/2026 14:18

But its ok for the child free to take the hit all the time. Thats not sad at all A child free person is still someones child so why doesnt the "sad state of affairs" extend to them

If you don’t think it’s sad that a child would need to sit in a nursery on Christmas Day so their, I’m presuming, single parent who has no one else to look after their child could go to work, I can’t help you.

It’s all very Victorian orphan, isn’t it.

Luckily, the UK has policies in place to support working parents.

Perhaps YOU should petition the Government to have those revoked instead?

Letmegogog · 28/09/2026 14:36

Vivi0 · 28/09/2026 14:02

Well, that’s just stupid, isn’t it.

Never did I think I’d be alive at a time where people genuinely believe that nursery’s should be open on Christmas Day to allow parents to work.

What a sad state of affairs.

The problem is we have industries that absolutely NEED people working in them 24 hours a day 7 days a week. So if the government accept that these industries NEED employees in every day then they surely they need to enable that to happen? Hospitals still need staff on Christmas Day (and the weeks before and after when schools are closed). And if parents only can’t work it due to needing childcare then why wouldn’t it be a good idea to provide that so the required industries can be fully staffed?

grinandslothit · 28/09/2026 14:43

Fortunately online is not always reflective of real life
I do find it amusing that child free people would want to hang out here in the first place

Vivi0 · 28/09/2026 14:47

Letmegogog · 28/09/2026 14:36

The problem is we have industries that absolutely NEED people working in them 24 hours a day 7 days a week. So if the government accept that these industries NEED employees in every day then they surely they need to enable that to happen? Hospitals still need staff on Christmas Day (and the weeks before and after when schools are closed). And if parents only can’t work it due to needing childcare then why wouldn’t it be a good idea to provide that so the required industries can be fully staffed?

So your solution to that is to create another industry that NEEDS people working in it 24 hours a day 7 days a week - nurseries?

It is absolutely lunacy to suggest Christmas Day nursery places.

I don’t know why women even try and get back to work after having children, when they need to deal with absolute bat shittery like this.

No job is worth is having your 3 year old sitting in a room full of strangers on Christmas Day, with no presents, no family, no love, no joy.

And let’s be honest, it would be the poorest children in our society that would need to endure this.

Some of you really need to leave women and their children alone.

I’m not really disgusted by a lot of things online, but FUCK ME.

Hookofholland · 28/09/2026 14:50

Vivi0 · 28/09/2026 14:47

So your solution to that is to create another industry that NEEDS people working in it 24 hours a day 7 days a week - nurseries?

It is absolutely lunacy to suggest Christmas Day nursery places.

I don’t know why women even try and get back to work after having children, when they need to deal with absolute bat shittery like this.

No job is worth is having your 3 year old sitting in a room full of strangers on Christmas Day, with no presents, no family, no love, no joy.

And let’s be honest, it would be the poorest children in our society that would need to endure this.

Some of you really need to leave women and their children alone.

I’m not really disgusted by a lot of things online, but FUCK ME.

So what is the answer when there already are industries in emergency services, healthcare, hospitality (warranted or not) that do require staff on a 24/7 - or close to it - basis, including Christmas?

Vivi0 · 28/09/2026 14:59

Hookofholland · 28/09/2026 14:50

So what is the answer when there already are industries in emergency services, healthcare, hospitality (warranted or not) that do require staff on a 24/7 - or close to it - basis, including Christmas?

The answer is that if people don’t like working on Christmas Day, then they should probably have a think about their career options.

Treating the poorest children in our society like Victorian orphans is NOT the answer.

inerja · 28/09/2026 15:02

I am a mother. All I ever wanted to do with my life was be a mother.
but I do agree that having children is now a luxury many can’t afford. I think the rise of the childfree is backlash to this.
we need children or immigrants to look after us as drs and nurses and pay our pensions when we are older but the government seems to be going out of its way to make it impossible unless you are at last middle class. It’s very sad

Letmegogog · 28/09/2026 15:04

Vivi0 · 28/09/2026 14:59

The answer is that if people don’t like working on Christmas Day, then they should probably have a think about their career options.

Treating the poorest children in our society like Victorian orphans is NOT the answer.

So your answer is that mothers/parents (or those wanting to be) should only choose careers that don’t require Christmas working? So any woman wanting to be a nurse or doctor or police you’d say they can’t do that?

Vivi0 · 28/09/2026 15:10

Letmegogog · 28/09/2026 15:04

So your answer is that mothers/parents (or those wanting to be) should only choose careers that don’t require Christmas working? So any woman wanting to be a nurse or doctor or police you’d say they can’t do that?

No, not at all.

If you work in an industry that requires you to work on Christmas Day, but a colleague is given the day off because they have a child with no one else who can look after them, and you can’t/don’t/won’t understand that, and genuinely believe that Christmas Day Nurseries are a reasonable solution, then you should have a think about your career options.

Lots of parents work on Christmas Day. You’re talking specifically about single parents, with little or no family support, right?

JenniferBooth · 28/09/2026 15:14

Vivi0 · 28/09/2026 15:10

No, not at all.

If you work in an industry that requires you to work on Christmas Day, but a colleague is given the day off because they have a child with no one else who can look after them, and you can’t/don’t/won’t understand that, and genuinely believe that Christmas Day Nurseries are a reasonable solution, then you should have a think about your career options.

Lots of parents work on Christmas Day. You’re talking specifically about single parents, with little or no family support, right?

Edited

But it doesnt stop with one colleaugue does it. They might have another child Then someone else with kids might start a job there then before you know it the child free employees are doing every Christmas as has been evidenced by the poster who did ten in a row

Summerlovingtheraspberries · 28/09/2026 15:15

Are there really so many more childfree women than in the past?
The vast majority of women I know have children.
I’ll accept that women may be having fewer children each. When I was at school only children were rare.
However. where I live lots of people are still having plenty of children between them. Also many parents having children with multiple partners. That has definitely changed from my school days.

Vivi0 · 28/09/2026 15:21

Thinking Christmas Day Nursery places is a solution to this is absolutely psychotic.

JenniferBooth · 28/09/2026 15:25

Vivi0 · 28/09/2026 15:21

Thinking Christmas Day Nursery places is a solution to this is absolutely psychotic.

Its you that said child minders dont provide any joy. Are they psychotic too?

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