AIBU to worry after DS10 was blocked by several classmates?

[Sprostongreeen]

DS10 has been blocked on WhatsApp by a few of his friend group.

last week he was trying to message one of them and noticed that messages weren’t going through. He then noticed that their photo was missing on their profile. He then noticed this had happened with 3 of them on the class chat. I have one of them as a contact but the photo was still showing on mine).

he has no idea why they have blocked him: I’ve had a look through his messages and he wasn’t doing anything before they blocked him (ie no arguing, being nasty, spamming with nonsense) in fact, there has barely been any online comms for a few weeks between them.

during the holidays he suggested a meet up one night between those friends and they all declined and then apparently discussed it on the class chat, where another classmate called them out and the posts were deleted before DS could see it.

im just fed up of the passive aggressive behavior to my son: it’s not the full group of friends (many aren’t online). I’m concerned about this impacting his confidence or mental health longer term.

any advice as to how to support him

have spoken to school about his friendships and whether he’s being excluded there? What has he said about that?

im afraid there’s little school can do if it’s on WhatsApp only. You’ll have to uninstall the app and hope for the best.

there are devices you can use to track children that don’t require them having a phone. There are tracking keyrings for instance. my child has a Karri. I can track him and we can send voicenotes and there’s an emergency alert button. Does the job.

What is phone ettacasy?

Unfortunately there is little you can do to stop drama on their phones, and whilst bullying has always happened the anonymous nature of online/phones means that children feel more comfortable in being unkind when they wouldn’t necessarily do it to someone’s face.
If they are continually excluding him at school and being unkind in person you can bring it to the attention of the class teacher. A school won’t get involved in them blocking him via phones and tend to only get involved about phone use when actual messages etc cross the line.
Personally I would remove the phone and use an air tag if you want to track him, use a dumb phone for him to call you in an emergency because then he will have no idea what’s going on in the groups etc
Ignorance is bliss and there is a big change in people giving children smartphones, my middle child got one when he was going to secondary school for his e-ticket for the bus etc but I would say at least a 1/3 of his tutor group have dumb phones and their parents have printed off the qr code for the bus and laminated it etc
Those who don’t have one aren’t treated any differently, they just message normally rather than being on WhatsApp etc.

Exactly this.

on a short journey to school where he knows the route, there is absolutely nothing a phone can do to keep him safe. It doesn’t fight off attackers.

the only thing he is at risk of where the phone would ‘help’ would be kidnap, but wouldn’t every single kidnapper simply throw a phone out of their vehicle window?

all the schools my dds have been at, call at 9.15am if my dd hasn’t made it to register. Even still in sixth form.

I have a ten year old and none of her friends has a mobile phone. That's two classes of 10 year olds in the school in the Midlands area...a normal primary school. I know most of the parents and apart from one child who's parent has a severe medical condition none of them have a phone. The child with a parent with a severe medical condition has a dumb phone for use for 999 only. I'm shocked your ten year has access to what's app. Yabu to even allow them to have a phone and certainly no access to Whatsapp.

In my area, it’s common for kids to get phones in Y6. Most start walking to and from school and it’s preparing them for secondary where they’ll likely have longer journeys and may need a phone to contact you. So I don’t think it’s so odd that 10yr olds have phones, mine did. But - at that age, she only had our phone numbers, no friends. We only let her add friends when we got towards the end of the school year and they were all splitting off into different schools.

However, we still don’t allow group chats, and won’t for some time. It’s essentially social media, which they are far too young for. Help him navigate through any current friendship issues and don’t allow group chats moving forward.

I just prefer knowing where he is and that he has arrived safely

A brick phone and an AirTag will do all of this. There is no need for. 10 year old to be on social media/messaging platforms.

you don’t seem to want to acknowledge this?

This op is along the lines of ‘I’ve given my child a kitchen knife, but someone keeps stabbing him with it, I’m concerned this is hurting him, how can I stop it?’

I wonder if she means etiquette 😬

second guess - efficacy?! Clutching at straws a bit maybe.

And then when people suggest keeping him away from knives “but I want him to have a knife”.

You can’t help people who won’t be helped.

also, 10 year olds can indeed have whatsapp: it’s a parent managed account

Then I suggest you manage it, ideally by deleting it.

Deleting WhatsApp doesn't mean you can't track your DC. It does however eliminate all the other shit.

I cannot believe as a parent you are being so obtuse about this @Sprostongreeen You literally have every poster for 9 pages telling you to get rid of WhatsApp and you aren't listening at all.

Go and speak to the safeguarding lead at your child's school and see what they say about WhatsApp.

It is damaging your child.

Pages and pages of posts saying age 10 is too young for WA and yet OP’s 3 responses continue to defend its use. She doesn’t want to hear it people.

Yes, you're correct in saying bulling was happening before the invention of mobile phones, you're just enabling these kids to bully your DS outside of school by allowing him to use WhatsApp.

Maybe think a head and concentrate more on your worry of DS possibly building up a life times mental health problems and it ruining his future, which he won't be able to escape from.

in real life, they are.

On MN, posters love to be outraged by the idea, but in real life, if they don't have smartphone, they don't have a social life. That's how they communicate! even to go on a bike ride or to go and kick a ball in the park.

If you want you child to be ignored, don't give him a smartphone, he'll miss out on everything. Unless mummy organise everything for him I suppose? That's not my opinion, that's factual, I see kids.

Bullying will always exist, but having smartphone when they are young is better, they learn, and they are young enough you keep an eye on them and make sure they know basic rules.

Try to monitor the usage of a smartphone by a 15yo who never had one before 😂. Ridiculous idea

Good god I used to walk to school when I was 5 without telling my parents
You want him to have a phone - just accept that this is going to happen and he will get upset

FFS, the school will ring you if he's not arrived there on time. He doesn't need a phone.

Good luck in secondary school when you're called in for a meeting about what he's doing online.

Not true. In your own social circle, maybe. Not mine. It’s actually the benefit of mumsnet if you have the capacity to understand that there are other circles. In mine, at 10 years old, yes we still want children to be children. There’s still plenty of time to learn about phones after that.

Are you able to link to even one single bit of research which proves that ‘having a smartphone when they are young is better.’?

10 year olds are not ready for smartphones. A dumbphone maybe if he needs it for communicating with you. Whatsapp is a major location for cyberbullying.

and how knowing about other circle does help?

It wouldn't give my local kids any social life just knowing that other kids don't have phones. When they don't, they are not included because they don't know of what's happening.

You can be a child with a smartphone, thankfully. It doesn't mean the end of childhood 😂

Parents who are against smartphones are just not interested enough to monitor the use and whatsapp. It's simple.

Yes it takes some work and be interested in what they are doing and some people can't be bothered.

You can't keep doing it until they are 17, OBVIOUSLY, but it's even much easier to monitor the risks of bullying etc when they use whatsapp and you can see what's happening, instead of being blissfully unaware because you have no access to their communication...

But they are not mandatory, you don't want to give a phone to your kid, by all means, don't! No one is saying you should.

But stop judging and commenting on other parents who do, if you are confident enough in your parenting, no need to judge others.

They can have WhatsApp but they don't need it and as you have found out it can be easily used to bully or exclude. Stop him from using it. I'm not sure why you are so resistant to that when the answer is so obvious. My DD is a similar age and won't have it til mid teens at the earliest.

10 year old and a smart phone? Are you being serious? YOU have set your son up for this. Awful.

I am curious, have YOU got a 10 year old?