AIBU to worry after DS10 was blocked by several classmates?

[Sprostongreeen]

DS10 has been blocked on WhatsApp by a few of his friend group.

last week he was trying to message one of them and noticed that messages weren’t going through. He then noticed that their photo was missing on their profile. He then noticed this had happened with 3 of them on the class chat. I have one of them as a contact but the photo was still showing on mine).

he has no idea why they have blocked him: I’ve had a look through his messages and he wasn’t doing anything before they blocked him (ie no arguing, being nasty, spamming with nonsense) in fact, there has barely been any online comms for a few weeks between them.

during the holidays he suggested a meet up one night between those friends and they all declined and then apparently discussed it on the class chat, where another classmate called them out and the posts were deleted before DS could see it.

im just fed up of the passive aggressive behavior to my son: it’s not the full group of friends (many aren’t online). I’m concerned about this impacting his confidence or mental health longer term.

any advice as to how to support him

I don’t let my 13 yr old have WhatsApp due to the amount of bullying that goes on there. And by bullying it’s not just words said but being left out of certain groups etc. A teacher at school said she thought WhatsApp was the worst app teenagers could have and it’s stuck with me.

Why on earth would he be on his phone 24/7? Perhaps half an hour in the evening some nights : mostly playing some bloody football game. Because he has a smartphone; doesn’t mean he is on it all the time. He’s usually at various afterschool activities or tutoring .
at the weekend we are usually doing stuff as a family or with family friends

@RanyaJerodung I check his phone all the time: he only has WhatsApp on it:
no other social media. Access to WhatsApp was primarily intended for him and his friends to arrange meet ups: as it’s not really the done thing for kids to roam the streets knocking on each others doors any more

This means nothing. You’re aware he can easily hide apps that you can’t find, right?

Yes, bullying has always existed, and now it’s even worse because kids can’t escape it if they have a phone. Why are you making it easier for children to bully your kid?

He’s only 10. You should be involved in where he’s going and who he’s meeting. I am in no way a helicopter parent but I think you’re giving him too much responsibility too young.

OP, I don't think you're taking on board the advice you've been given here. This is all on you for allowing him to have WhatsApp on his phone. There's a really good reason so many parents don't, and this is it.

If he must have a phone for walking to school then that's your call, but he is not old enough to manage WhatsApp, as this whole saga proves.

yeah; Was chatting to his teacher about a completely different topic. He’s not getting excluded at school thankfully. And he has a few different friend groups that all seem to play together at different games.

In fairness: he has moved on from this very quickly and doesn’t seem that bothered at all now.

You're right, OP - bullying existed before kids had mobile phones. But talk to any headteacher and they will tell you that it has increased massively - and it's mostly via social media - since the phones arrived. It now follows them home and is there 24/7 - IF their parents are daft enough to let them have access to social media.

Do you know how headteachers know it's increased massively since phones arrived? Because the poor beggars are the ones having to deal with the constant fall-out from it.

He doesn't need a smart phone. If you're concerned, do as others have suggested and give him a brick phone and/or a tag.

I have a 10 yr old ds who walks to school and plays out.

He doesn't have a phone, neither do his friends or classmates at school.

Absolutely this.

Don’t for the life of me understand why any 10 year old would on WhatsApp anyway?

I would take WhatsApp off. My son meets up with friends but they text or call him. A few of them are not on WhatsApp. And more children are having brick or no phones.

Where we are, things have changed radically in the last few years thanks to the efforts of researchers and lobby groups like Smartphone Free Childhood.

3-5 years ago, all the kids in our area had smartphones in Year 6. Most of them had Whatsapp and there was endless drama that the school had to deal with caused by inappropriate material being posted or by bullying/exclusion on the groups.

My oldest DD just started Year 7, and I think one child in her whole class had a smartphone by the end of Year 6. Nearly all her friends got brickphones at some point between the summer of Year 6 and starting Year 7. A few got smartphones, but they can't really use Whatsapp anyway as most of their friends aren't on it, so it has lost its allure.

Has it ruined their social lives? No, because they meet up and make social plans by phoning and texting each other.

The change on Mumsnet is really interesting. A couple of years ago, if there was a thread about phone bullying, there would be a couple of posters asking whether a 10 year old really needed smartphones and social media, and they'd be jumped on by everyone else, who would tell them they were out of touch and ruining their kids' lives by not keeping up with the times. This thread shows how much the mood has shifted on here.

It's not worked then, because he's still been bullied.
It's going to get worse when they're teenagers, so I hope you're ready for all that nasty stuff.

Because some parents are either ignorant or very passive.

In other words, a normal childhood away from toxic social media. 👍🏼

He shouldn't have a smartphone. Believe me, they circumvent parental controls.
Let him have a happy childhood, and a reasonably stress free adolescence.

Two of my kids have smartphones and my 11 year old will get one when he's 13 - none of his friends have one yet.

I have parental controls on my older 2's phones - they get a daily limit and the phones switch off when either the limit is reached or it's 9pm. Neither of them have figured out a way around it yet. I think this should be mandatory on all kids phones. My son has shown me messages from other 13 year olds sent into groups at 3am, 4am, 5am!! I bet these parents have no idea their kid is awake all night with phones...and this might be on a school night. How much harder is school going to be if you've been up half the night on a screen?!

I wonder will we look back in 20 years time and be shocked about the phone use of children. I hope something changes but am not optimistic based on the OP of this thread who seems to be ignoring a lot of really helpful advice.

Your children will be fine, you're doing the right thing. I'm absolutely baffled at the OP's attitude, and unfortunately there are still parents like this.
Some of them only act when faced with some horrible evidence.

because it's a very useful tool?

To communicate with their own parents, with families living far away, for being in touch with friends from groups who are not in the same school.
For the same reasons we use Whatsapp.

I like the false astonishment that 10 yo use other tools than yogurt pots to speak with friends. Not everybody lives in the same block of flat as their friends.

With responsible parents, it's much better than phone calls or text, you can see everything that is going on.

You'd think a child's childhood is ruined because they make a phone call 😂

He shouldn't have a smart phone or be on WhatsApp at that age.

That’s great for your son. There are no other children my sons age in our neighbourhood: so they can’t just go outside and play where we are:

Does he go to sports clubs, something like Scouts?

I’ve had a look through other older threads, and the absolute pearl clutching on around primary 7 kids using WhatsApp seems to be a more recent thing.

it has really given me food for thought: but the absolute horror of some people on here is unexpected: in my sons class; I would say more kids have smartphones than not. Apparently many of them have snapchat: which I wouldn’t allow my son to have.

yes, a couple of sports clubs, scouts and tutoring. Also a lot of family activities / visits with either family or family friends during the weekend