AIBU to worry after DS10 was blocked by several classmates?

[Sprostongreeen]

DS10 has been blocked on WhatsApp by a few of his friend group.

last week he was trying to message one of them and noticed that messages weren’t going through. He then noticed that their photo was missing on their profile. He then noticed this had happened with 3 of them on the class chat. I have one of them as a contact but the photo was still showing on mine).

he has no idea why they have blocked him: I’ve had a look through his messages and he wasn’t doing anything before they blocked him (ie no arguing, being nasty, spamming with nonsense) in fact, there has barely been any online comms for a few weeks between them.

during the holidays he suggested a meet up one night between those friends and they all declined and then apparently discussed it on the class chat, where another classmate called them out and the posts were deleted before DS could see it.

im just fed up of the passive aggressive behavior to my son: it’s not the full group of friends (many aren’t online). I’m concerned about this impacting his confidence or mental health longer term.

any advice as to how to support him

It's interesting, because many parents seem to think it won't happen to their children "we have trust" or "they're very mature". Until something awful happens, then it's "Not my Alfie, not my Izzy" then develops into "they've all got phones though" and "we pick our battles".
Sometimes it takes a while for the impact to become reality.

Why does he have a phone at 10??

My almost-12yr old doesn’t even have a smartphone yet! And won’t until year 9 at the earliest! She has a little flip phone that can text and call which works beautifully for us. She has an iPad which is heavily, heavily restricted (cannot access social media and cannot download without my password in andd to other restrictions) and she communicates with her friends via texts which I read.

https://www.smartphonefreechildhood.org/

Good 👍🏼

You are exposing your child to unwanted behaviour at a very young age.
There is a reason why this country is pushing for a phone ban at schools.
Stop. Take his phone. Let him be a child.

I disagree about needing ‘a phone’ to walk home for safety purposes (calling 999 for one!) but they absolutely do not need a smartphone! A cheap basic phone is more than sufficient

10 year olds do not have the emotional maturity to deal with the fallout from social media shenanigans (WhatsApp is effectively social media). Kids should be able to walk to school safely without one. Put a tile tracker in his school bag if you want to see where he is. If you absolutely need your kid to have a phone he can have a brick. If you are in the uk the likelihood is that he will not be able to have a phone at secondary school anyway

Read my previous response.

The problem would not exist if he didn't have a smartphone.

He doesn’t need a smart phone to call you. Did you have a phone to call your parents while out of the house when you were that age? This insistence on knowing where they are at every single minute of the day, and making sure you’re accessible to solve their problems for them at every hurdle, is not helping them.

Why do you need to track him going to school? If he doesn’t turn up, the school will call you, won’t they? Any kid who knows he’s being tracked and wants to skive off for the day is just going to give his phone to one of his mates to take to school. Anyone that grabs him is going to be aware that phones can be tracked. It’s not achieving anything.

His mental health would be far better served if you stopped giving him extra avenues to be falling out with his friends on line and give him the skills he needs to interact with people in person.

WhatsApp is age 13+ for a reason......you know they have full access to other channels and external chats on WhatsApp?

Stick an airtag on him and give him a brick if school is a long walk. Thats what ill be doing for year 6 and going to the park with his mate in the summer. No Smartphone before 14 in this house. Give him back his childhood.

You need to protect him. Take the phone away.

My dd has an air tag as she walks part way to school with a friend and we live 2 roads away (she’s 10). She won’t be getting a smart phone for the foreseeable. It’s an absolute cesspit. I will get her an old flip phone at some point though to call us or text in an emergency as there are not phone boxes like there used to be anymore like when I was at school.

FFS get him off the bloody phone, he's 10!!

Why open him up to this nastiness just so that you can track him? He's suffering because you can't control your own anxiety about him walking to school

Giving a child of that age a smartphone is poisoning them to keep them safe.

Why a smartphone?
Get him a bog standard one.

So take away the additional ways of being mean.
Why does he need to call you walking to school? If it’s potentially dangerous enough that he might need to call you, he shouldn’t be walking on his own.
i’m sorry this is harsh and I can imagine how upsetting it is for you to see your son being treated like this but you must accept giving him a smartphone has led to this experience

He's either mature enough for smartphone and deal with consequences of its use or not.
No point complaining if hes given one then can't deal with the social shit it produces.

If he needs to ring a Brickphone could do that. If he needs tracking, too young to be unaccompanied.

While everyone absolutely has a point re smart phones: bullying has always happened prior to smartphone’s existing. as for the walk to school; I just prefer knowing where he is and that he has arrived safely: I think the chances of him being robbed for my ancient old iPhone are very slim. Especially as he keeps it in his school bag.

also, 10 year olds can indeed have whatsapp: it’s a parent managed account .

My god, he is ten. Far too young to be worrying about WhatsApp.

As the saying goes, 'just because they can doesn't mean they should'.

Your son can have a phone for the walk to school without also having WhatsApp. I have to be honest though, I really don't see the need for this either, as presumably he walks to school at the same time as every other school child is walking so presumably there are lots of responsible adults around that are keeping a general eye out. I also assume that you don't live too far if he's walking at aged 10.

No one is disputing bullying existed pre-smartphones. Why give children another opportunity to be bullied though?

WhatsApp’s terms of service is aged 13+

How on earth have you missed that the entire reason most parents don’t give their ten year olds smart phones is because that increases bullying opportunities to 24-7 rather than 9-3.