AIBU to include stepchildren in our family foundation benefits?

[Tonotcauseissues]

I have done a nc for this. We are setting up a family foundation- it will pay for school fees, uni fees, driving lessons, first car, 3 years insurance and a gap year. The children of the family will join the board age 18 and be mentored until 25 where they gain a seat on the company board. We have said it is for biological and adopted children. But after all these blended family threads I don’t want to create issue if our children have step children. So thinking we offer the same the foundation gives(car, driving lessons, uni fees etc) to step children if married or living with our descendants but not the seat on the board- does this seem reasonable so children living in the same house get the same? Just reading the post about the car for nephews etc and got me thinking. And I know this is a privileged position but I want to get it right as once the deeds are written it can’t be changed so don’t want to cause issues in years to come that I haven’t thought through.

I wouldn't include step children but if you can afford to and happy to then do it.

We had have advisors but I have just sold my bioctech company but we also bought property outside the UK and took a punt- that increased in value which enabled me to invest in my own company. But the advisors are grey on legal and technical but I am not 100% sure they are focussed on family unity in the way I see it.

If it's not about the money then why not include everyone?

Surely the point of not including everyone would be the possibility of money running out but I'd this isn't the case then just support all the children in the family no matter how they came to be there x

Probably not gonna be popular with mumsnetters but that's my opinion x

It is optional to join the board not compulsory- you get a salary if you do as you managed the family businesses ä. If you don’t join you and your children still access what the foundation gives towards education.

Comes back to the question who is everyone .

My typing has got worse on my phone ignore typos.

The thing about an official step child relationship is that it starts and ends through no action of the child. That is not a relationship that can be easily quantified. I think blood and adoption are fair compromises.

Bio and adopted children only. Step children can have contributions made to them upon agreement of the board members.

I'm suspicious of everyone! I'll admit that.

Imagine this scenario- a male/female of your board taking a shining to a lady/gentleman and they already have children. After one to many drinks they tell them about the board. Their eyes light up and they now love bombs them as they see a way of making a lot of money easy. Now you suddenly have 2/3 potential step children to fund. The relationship lasts until the children are 25 then the parent decides the relationship is over. How convenient.

You need to think about unintended consequences.

The OP sounds like someone from Succession

If only bio children can sit on the board then what about the descendants of your adopted kids? Sounds like a complete headache and I’d make sure you get the very best legal advice so whatever you draw up is watertight.

I haven’t watched it so not sure if that is good or bad. But I come from a very ordinary town in the north and made some offbeat decisions that paid off.

For us we are included adopted kids on the board too

Why would you need to? If someone is being raised as being within your family why would paternity need to be proved?

100% what I am trying to do but I think I just keep making more consequences

But the point of the advice was to stop that happening.

Thanks everyone we will go back to them on Tuesday and I will raise many of these points and scenarios and make the best decisions we can knowing our family now.

I’ve only seen a bit of it but they’re mega wealthy and can set up all their children and grand children with wealth and careers. It was tongue in cheek. Not many would be quite on their level.

Can you say DNA only if there is any dispute about paternity. Not as an overarching stipulation?

Give the trustees a descretion in relation to step-kids, so they can decide depending on the circumstances at the time: step child who has grown up in the family probably benefits, 17yo joining the family through marriage, probably not.

That is a recipe for massive arguments and litigation. There should be zero discretion. Rules should be simple, clear and leave no room for dispute.

You should stick to the professional advice. The issue is if you take advice from mumsnet and shit hits the fan, mumsnet isn't helping you to clean up the mess.

Also what happens if eg one of your sons married a woman with a kid or vice versa and that child is added to the foundation and then 2 years later they split up and you no longer have any relationship or access to the kid?

Will there be minimum requirements set eg how long they have been married etc? What if one of your child has a step child that you don't really have a relationship with because of the split custody arrangements etc?

Too complicated, for major decisions like this it's best to keep it to your grand children and adopted children.

If you're this wealthy I'm sure your kids can afford to pay for things like private school fees etc for their stepchildren without it coming directly from the foundation.

Also is there a limit to the number of board seats? I doubt you can just keep adding board seats indefinitely, at some point the numbers wouldn't make sense and just create pure chaos.

our family has several non-bio step children - and I am pleased and proud that these kids are just as loved and provided for as biological kids. But in all these cases, the step kids came into the family quite young plus their biological dads are not involved.

But I would be very careful about including step children in your scenario.

Can you imagine a marriage breaking down but the spouse pushes back against divorce because that means their kids (step kids to the biological family member) will lose these benefits.

And what is the scenario of a stepkid starting private school in yr1 - but then their parents split, would the fund then fund this child all the way in private school until 18?

I think this rule might upset biological family members in the future if they see a child of 17 join the family and suddenly be eligible for a car and have their uni fees paid.

And then you have the scenario of some step kids accessing the funds but their new biological half siblings are not going to private school or getting new cars ... so that family could end up with some kids in private with a car and some not in private and without a car.

Just stick to biological - each family can decide for themselves if the money they save can be spent on step kids.

Bio only as otherwise what happens when relationships break down and people move on?

So the way DH’s family trust worked was that two step-children who’d been part of the family for years when it was formed were included as a special dispensation, as was a cousin who had been informally adopted by his grandparents. The step children were included as a child and the cousin was included on the same line as the siblings he’d been brought up with (rather than the next generation).

After that it was strictly biological or adopted children.

This way it was hypothetical future step children who were excluded and not someone/people who’d been already in the family for years and was already treated as a child of their step parent.