AIBU to include stepchildren in our family foundation benefits?

[Tonotcauseissues]

I have done a nc for this. We are setting up a family foundation- it will pay for school fees, uni fees, driving lessons, first car, 3 years insurance and a gap year. The children of the family will join the board age 18 and be mentored until 25 where they gain a seat on the company board. We have said it is for biological and adopted children. But after all these blended family threads I don’t want to create issue if our children have step children. So thinking we offer the same the foundation gives(car, driving lessons, uni fees etc) to step children if married or living with our descendants but not the seat on the board- does this seem reasonable so children living in the same house get the same? Just reading the post about the car for nephews etc and got me thinking. And I know this is a privileged position but I want to get it right as once the deeds are written it can’t be changed so don’t want to cause issues in years to come that I haven’t thought through.

It sounds like your descendent with the SC would be wealthy enough to provide for the SC if they thought it appropriate.

I would be wary of setting up a situation where marrying your descendent brought legal monetary rights for the SC as it’s likely to attract gold diggers.

I agree it should include adopted children.

It was what was advised at is is not a UK trust.

Personally if possible I would include step children with educational costs but not uni/car etc... keep households 'even' for young children but at adult age they should be able to accept there is a difference in family responsibility etc.

Just to add something. I am a step child - my step father came into my life when I was 9 months old - I call him Dad and lived with him until adulthood - my bio father was useless, didn't even pay child support let alone add anything else to my life financially (or add to my life in any way). The family on his side did also not support me in any way (which is why I always find it a bit weird on Mumsnet when people assume it's fine to treat your step relatives differently as they have a whole other family to provide things - it's a massive assumption and not always true). Despite this I do think there are plenty of situations in which including step children will lead to complications and abuse as others have pointed out. One option that might be open to people who have step children in my situation is the adoption clause - my step dad nearly adopted me (it never went through for various reasons) but it would be an option for a step parent of a child who has no other support and who they want to put in a position of having the same benefits as the other children. And it could hardly be seen as a cheat as it's not a small undertaking to adopt a child and would require the blessing of the bio parent, if alive, and obviously an involved and supportive bio parent wouldn't allow it.

No we plan to include adopted children our kids cousins are adopted and they are just cousins

Even if you had funded private education for all of your 15 niblings, you still would have had no obligation fund BIL’s girlfriend’s dd’s private education!

You don’t know what your children may or may not do, or further down the line… where on earth do you stop?? And what happens if the parents divorce so it’s an ex step child.

FWIW my parents have one of these and it’s set up to include great grand children and onwards in and out of marriage but no step children at any point for this exact complication.

Adoption of a step-sibling can be a ‘cheat’ though.

Look at the thread where the sister expects her mum and sister to spend thousands on her step-daughter.

Plenty of people would get married to ensure their DSC inherit.

It depends what they do- the foundation is not like a trust it doesn’t give money directly it can pay directly to schools etc for things we stipulate. The family business board is something else and people who choose to be on the board will receive a salary for working there. Nobody will be given millions to laze around. It is a complex set up and my intention was not to discuss the law just options to include children who our kids and their kids love as family. But so many variables it seems very difficult to do.

That was the thread I read out to my husband this morning and it sparked the convo about step children in this scenario. If course I will discuss more in-depth with advisor on Tuesday just wanted to get lots of opinions

Voting sounds a terrible way to do things.

If you are keen on having this, then think about what would be "reasonable" and more importantly practical rules e.g.
stepchild has to have been part of the family for 3 years before eligible to access funds (think about whether this would mean once the family member and new partner start living together, or when they marry, or whether you wish to put a minimum on how often stepchild stays if the person who marries family member is NRP).
If the couple split up, perhaps a year run-off for funds, or do you want to cut off the funds to stepchild immediately?
Would you want to give money to a stepchild that was from a wealthy family, and if not how would you organise that (maybe a cut off at a household income related to the average wage e.g. 4x average wage. Remember that one of the stepchild's parents may be wealthy but choosing not to support their child)?

Alternatively could step children who fulfilled appropriate duration of time in the family get a lump sum at 18 or 21 - can go to paying uni fees, or buying a car.

Thanks. How do they define grandchildren- I know that should be an easy question but in side marriage, known about before an age etc?

Getting married is one thing but in this situation wouldn't guarantee the inheritance anyway. Adopting a child is quite another. It's a huge commitment. Even if the relationship broke up that child would still be yours - unlike in other situations where step children may never be seen again if the relationship breaks up. Also you wouldn't be able to adopt a child who had another, involved, bio, parent - they wouldn't allow it. So I don't think it would be an easy 'cheat' at all. Not sure how it relates to that other thread at all.

I think offering for stepchildren whilst their parent is married to your child/grandchild is fair but requiring legal marriage makes sense over anything less certain. I think you are right to think about these issues

I know, it was a completely deranged suggestion. Frankly we could currently fund one other set of school fees with some sacrifices, but not 15 of them, and if we were going to choose one person to pay for it wouldn’t be a kid we don’t know at all!

I really don’t know her well enough to understand where she was coming from, my read of it was just that she was a bit ignorant about how much things cost (she estimated our house cost about five times what it really did), and very rigid in her thinking about what family means and should be doing.

Really just sharing the story as an illustration of the batshit complications that can come up!

we had planned average wage of the country we live in for the year off etc so it rises with inflation etc rather than a set amount. It is difficult as divorce can happen and it could leave step children having to leave schools etc which is not what we want but we want to protect the family from unscrupulous people

I don't know what I would do about step children but adopted children should absolutely be treated the same, can you imagine your daughter if you have one adopting a child and being told her child is not as "important" as the other grandchildren. Also in terms of DNA tests, people use egg donors etc, and might not even want to tell a child they're not biologically theirs - that would be a cruel exclusion as well.

And I appreciate that. She probably just had no idea the sacrifices people make to pay school fees.

It does open the door though to someone in the e family marrying someone specifically just to get the benefits for that person’s children even if they aren’t a couple. A friend maybe or someone in need. It opens up so many cans of worms and just is a license for agro honestly. Better to make it clean and say no step children and explain why and put an explanation that with the money saved this can go towards praying for any stepchildren to bring them into line. Shows that this was thought about at the time it was set up so people can’t argue about it down the line.

Bloody hell I hadn’t even thought of that for egg or sperm donation that is another complication. But equally if don’t want to use marriage as the defining thing. We had conversations about a father accepting paternity which stuck in my throat too.

And as I said marriage wasn’t that important to use as a couple so seems odd it would form part of what we ”want”

I think other posters are right that you should also consider other fertility treatments that might end up being excluded. So if your granddaughter had a baby through donated eggs then she would give birth to a child that was legally hers but not covered by the trust.

So maybe legal children (ie registered on birth certificate or adopted) with DNA testing for those who fall outside this.

Will there also be (possibly discretionary) means to support any mentally or physically disabled children who aren’t able to access the benefits. Or even those not academically able or wanting university?

I think the point PPs are raising with regard to DNA in an IVF/egg donation type situation is probably the more important point to account for. You could have a family member literally give birth to a child that wouldn’t be eligible to benefit! I think that is definitely a loop hole you need to close somehow before worrying about step children

@Tonotcauseissues so it’s basically blood line. So as it goes myself and my DB and DS are all married and have children with them. Say one of those grandchildren had a child out of wedlock then they would be part of it. If one of them married someone who already had kids those step children wouldn’t. It is strictly on blood. That’s it.

If you think about it that makes perfect sense as it means financial responsibility for those children is with their actual family. And actually, if everyone did that step parents or grandparents wouldn’t be expected to step in because like has been pointed out, these children often have two living actual parents.

And to be completely clear that’s what the lawyer suggested as otherwise it’s open to total abuse and as the responsibility falls to my generation nothing will change to the arrangement.

Blood line only.