AIBU to include stepchildren in our family foundation benefits?

[Tonotcauseissues]

I have done a nc for this. We are setting up a family foundation- it will pay for school fees, uni fees, driving lessons, first car, 3 years insurance and a gap year. The children of the family will join the board age 18 and be mentored until 25 where they gain a seat on the company board. We have said it is for biological and adopted children. But after all these blended family threads I don’t want to create issue if our children have step children. So thinking we offer the same the foundation gives(car, driving lessons, uni fees etc) to step children if married or living with our descendants but not the seat on the board- does this seem reasonable so children living in the same house get the same? Just reading the post about the car for nephews etc and got me thinking. And I know this is a privileged position but I want to get it right as once the deeds are written it can’t be changed so don’t want to cause issues in years to come that I haven’t thought through.

The advice has been biological within wedlock which seeing as we had our children before marriage seems a weird criteria. This is why I was asking what other thought as the advice didn’t sit well with me.

Sorry, can you clarify - are you saying only children born within a marriage can benefit from this? Isn't that going to lead to problems, with people getting married when they really shouldn't? That could mean children in the same family get different support, couldn't it?

I wouldn't want to benefit an unmarried partner, but I would give the benefits to the child.

The advice was within marriage and I think this is too prescriptive for what we want and exactly as you say could lead to different access to children in the same family. This seemed to be the default and we have a meeting to discuss more on Tuesday. But this has been a lively discussion that has given me things I want to discuss.

There is no benefits to partners only children

“Within marriage” seems antiquated. I think biological children who turn up years later have an entirely legitimate claim to family belonging given they’ve already been denied the unknown parent’s input.

it’ll be interesting to see if such consequences make your offspring and their offspring be more responsible with their fertility than they might otherwise.

We will never know.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/money/retirement/rowing-siblings-drive-record-court-disputes-inheritance/

Food for thought

You always hope your own family would behave better but money does create it’s own issues. The foundation means there is nothing to inherit in this sense but ”family” have access to benefits and the ability to guide the business but it is fraught too. We live where there enforced inheritance rules unlike the UK.

The foundation is being formed now. And it can't be changed. That's a very clear explanation for any step children that come into the family. It's nothing personal.. It's a trust that was drawn up based on what you knew at the time.

Anything else would be horribly messy and cause far more upset than a set in stone trust would.

I have seen step children arrive in families and years later, disappear overnight after a split. That's only one complication that could happen. Or you might have an unhappy marriage in the family with the spouse refusing to divorce because they want their child (your relative's step-child) to benefit from your largesse.

Stick to your expert's advice. They've almost certainly seen disastrous results from the kind of thing you want to do. They know what they're doing.

Legally a step child is one where a person has married the child’s parent.

Nothing to do with where they live or who with.

The exact point it counts is when they marry and it ceases when they divorce
. If you don’t want that then don’t include the step children.

Yes I know what the legal definition of a stepchild is in England, although the OP is in a different jurisdiction so it may not be the same.

In any event if she was choosing to include stepchildren she would need to decide what personal definition they want to use to decide when somebody should count as a stepchild for the purposes of the foundation.

It sounds like she’s not including stepchildren anyway, exactly because it gets so complicated.

I would include all children bio, adopted and step.

I think it's high risk to include stepchildren.

If you have somebody who marries three times to a partner with three kids, that's nine extra people receiving the benefits even though they may be in the family for just a very short time.
Can trustees be given discretion to decide about stepchildren on a case by case basis, and be given guidelines? Or could you create a separate pot of money in a trust, so trustees can allocate a (smaller) amount to steps?

Presumably if the stepchildren are adopted by the stepparent then they fall under the adopted or bio rule.

I think your attempt at fairness and recognition of the world we live in is amazing, OP. But I also think it is unwieldy and would need some caveats. Where relationships breakdown and new relationships form, potentially a lot of children could benefit without ever having really been a member of the family and some children who have been members of the family for years get left out.

All things considered, I would keep it to biological children only. Or maybe have a side clause of some kind that permits one-off payments for specific items like driving lessons or a car on a one-off, no commitment kind of basis, for any child living with the family. That way you would also include fostered children, for example, without adding anything specifically about that?

Wouldn’t include the step children- they’d have their other parent to make provisions for them too.

Yes I agree with this

It does sound complicated to include potential step-children in the trust.

However, I assume that you are not putting every penny you have into the trust, and that you will also have access to some other considerable savings? If so would you be in a position to make an ad-hoc decision if a step-child situation arises? Whereby, for example, one step child joining the family at age 8 might be offered [paid by you from your savings] the opportunity to also attend private school. Or at the time, in the event of there being step-children, negotiate with your dc how a car is funded between you for a teen / young adult step-child.

There would be no legal commitment but still the opportunity to make day-to-day opportunities feel equal for those in a blended family.

If your dc were in a relationship with someone who already had multiple children, it would be part of the negotiation of their relationship that a biological child would have opportunities not affordable to all the step-children.

I think funding school fees should be considered since it is about equality of education and opportunity. Funding a gap year or paying university fees is not always necessary or required, and can be funded in other ways.

Beyond providing for your own dgc it seems way over complicated to try imagining scenarios of who your dgc might be in a relationship with or how that might play out. I think you have to let go of that level of forward thinking. Imagine a trust fund set up by your grandparents... probably nothing for any same-sex marriage (it didn't exist), probably nothing for your own children born before you were married.

You can only do your best now, and as situations arise look at what you can do at the time to maintain family harmony.

Adopted brings problems too. What about someone who gets together with someone with small children and raises them until adulthood but the children's other parent refuses to allow them to adopt, even though that parent only sees them once a year? Do those children get cut out on an adoption technicality?

One of the main reasons DH family home and land that had been in his family for a few generations was sold was the next generation down was just getting too complicated with stepchildren plus descendants having no children so their share could possibly have been willed to an outsider. Not exactly the same situation but go with the professional advice. It caused huge sections of the family to fall out and it hasn’t fully recovered.

i would include all biological children. You are forcing marriage on the parents otherwise when it may not be their preferred state. Also if a child is an accident, they shouldn’t be punished for that.

On step children I would include leniency for the board to act as they see fit within certain criteria. So step children after 5 years for example may apply and if there are surplus funds … that kind of thing. You wouldn’t want someone marrying someone with 5 kids and rinsing it for university fees.

Id also see about putting on caps or stipulations around how much individuals can take. My brother always wanted to stay at uni, he’d be doing degrees now if he could afford it.

Leave it to potential step parents to use their discretion and make provision from their own funds for any of their own step children, should they feel it's appropriate.

I would go with the professional advice. That’s what you pay them for and it could save a lot of heartache down the line.

I am assuming you are living in a more socially conservative country given the 'within wedlock' advice. Though I personally understand this advice.

But given you have daughters, the fear of an intentional pregnancy for nefarious reasons is reduced.

I think you are overthinking this OP. You mention modern life regarding step children, yes it might be modern life, but it is also messy. I too am involved in something similar to you and I would pretty much follow the professional opinion.

No step children (whatever the circumstances) children born to your own, and adopted children through adoption routes, rather than meeting someone with kids and adopting them.

Not if the other parent of the child is still actively parenting!! Can you imagine that conversation? “Hi Jenny, are the kids ready? Oh by the way, me and Sarah are going to formally adopt them, so we won’t be fetching them back on Sunday night. Ok? Right let’s go guys…say goodbye to your mum!”