AIBU to include stepchildren in our family foundation benefits?

[Tonotcauseissues]

I have done a nc for this. We are setting up a family foundation- it will pay for school fees, uni fees, driving lessons, first car, 3 years insurance and a gap year. The children of the family will join the board age 18 and be mentored until 25 where they gain a seat on the company board. We have said it is for biological and adopted children. But after all these blended family threads I don’t want to create issue if our children have step children. So thinking we offer the same the foundation gives(car, driving lessons, uni fees etc) to step children if married or living with our descendants but not the seat on the board- does this seem reasonable so children living in the same house get the same? Just reading the post about the car for nephews etc and got me thinking. And I know this is a privileged position but I want to get it right as once the deeds are written it can’t be changed so don’t want to cause issues in years to come that I haven’t thought through.

It sounds very messy to include step children and I wouldn’t bother. Most step children have another side of their family anyway, and in exceptional circumstances a step parent could adopt the step children and be part of this system that way.

We are the first generation of wealth as I just sold my company and maybe this is why the advisors say just bio children.

Personally I wouldn't. Just stick to biological or adopted children.

Living with someone really isn't that great a commitment to some and then their child would be entitled to tens of thousands of pounds? This could lead to abuse of the situation. Relationships break down, children/step parents don't get on etc, it's all too murky.

I think it would also cause resentment from actual family members if someone had multiple relationship's with multiple stepchildren and spent years draining the family pot.

You sound very kind but I think this would be too complicated and you should follow the advice you are being given.

Maybe your right as it is my husbands take and as someone else said if they aren’t paying for their own kids they can probably use the saved money to fund step children. The advisors were against adopted children being included too but that seemed awful and not something we will consider.

Maybe your right I am assuming everyone is well behaves but the advisors are very clear people aren’t

Honestly the advisors know how to keep wealth in the family - it is surprisingly easy to lose it over a generation.

Think of it as a business decision - you didn't make a great company by making poor financial decisions.

Is there any scope in your legal framework for the trustees to make discretionary payments to other people? Or would you have to set down all the exact rules for payments now?

Could one of the rules be something like “If 75 percent of the current board members agree, the Trustees may treat any individual as a Beneficiary of the Trust”? And then have that vote repeated once a year so that if a stepchild does leave the family the board members can decide whether to continue to treat them as a beneficiary.

That way the family members can distinguish between eg a child who is raised within the family from a newborn and fully lives with their stepparent vs a 17 year old who has never met any of them.

I do see it causing rows in future though as essentially as a step parent you’d be having to convince your extended family to include your step child!

I think mumsnet is unreasonable (not on this thread but generally) in expecting extended family to financially treat step-grandchildren/nephews/nieces the same as their actual grandchildren/relatives. It’s not the same - as has been practically demonstrated on this thread.

I think adopted children should be included, because then your child becomes their actual parent, with life long responsibility.

It is not about the money it is about family dynamics that is what I am asking about and there is always good and interesting opinions on blended families. So I just wanted others thoughts.

Yes I think that’s horrible. If I adopted a baby and my parents treated them differently to a bio grandchild I’d seriously rethink my relationship with my parents.

I agree and we have adopted children in our very close family so that was a none started for us.

And yes, adopted children are different.

What did the advisor say about joining the board at 25?

I'm not sure about that - because it includes all biological children - what if it was a one night stand, or a fleeting relationship. Or one child had six children and then they tactically voted?

There is a difference between giving money and giving voting rights- I would look more into that.

Total non starter for us and that is not even in question but it is step children issue. I just want to be fair. I think we will do biological and officially adopted children as seems to be the easiest without resentment.

I think adopted children should be treated exactly as other kids

i think step children should have the same life advantages and experiences as the other children

and this is harder as it relies on understanding and agreeing with the other parent

so if you give your kid a car at 18 you should ensure that the step kid gets a car - either from your , or half funded from the other parent. If the other parent has given them as car you don’t need to

very difficult to manage but blended families are hard for so many reasons

Could you set it up so the decision could be made by the step parent themselves? There are many different ways to approach the role, from seeing themselves as the same as a bio parent to the child, to seeing themselves as a more distant 'friend', dependent on age, relationship, what the bio parent spouse wants etc. Impossible to gauge in advance so if possible arrange so your DC can decide as they see fit?

Discuss it with your family. As expressed on here, there are different views and possibilities but the most important thing is that everybody in your family understands why you do what you do and that your reasoning is out in the open. Your family is the place to come to a decision.

Don’t leave surprises to emerge later on.

Whilst I am thinking about it procrastinating I should be cleaning what about surrogacy /IVF/Sperm/Egg donation?

All eventualities need to be considered - especially as the advisor is saying DNA testing.

What if they don't want to join the family business but run away to the circus? It seems horribly restricting.

It was a convo that made we very uncomfortable as it was focussed on marriage and dna- all very old fashioned but it is to protect from these situations. During the 7 year mentorship there are clauses to exclude potential members such as substance abuse that can be invoked.

The advisors were against adopted children being included?? That is absolutely medieval.. I would question any advice they give based on this

Could you not keep it as bio and adopted children within the foundation but then financially support step children for some things outside of that depending if you so choose.

But this would cause issues for the other siblings - of course the step parent would want a massive windfall, it would mean they wouldn't have to pay themselves.

It needs to be watertight to prevent falling out in future.

Indeed