AIBU to include stepchildren in our family foundation benefits?

[Tonotcauseissues]

I have done a nc for this. We are setting up a family foundation- it will pay for school fees, uni fees, driving lessons, first car, 3 years insurance and a gap year. The children of the family will join the board age 18 and be mentored until 25 where they gain a seat on the company board. We have said it is for biological and adopted children. But after all these blended family threads I don’t want to create issue if our children have step children. So thinking we offer the same the foundation gives(car, driving lessons, uni fees etc) to step children if married or living with our descendants but not the seat on the board- does this seem reasonable so children living in the same house get the same? Just reading the post about the car for nephews etc and got me thinking. And I know this is a privileged position but I want to get it right as once the deeds are written it can’t be changed so don’t want to cause issues in years to come that I haven’t thought through.

Because some people will do things to please their partner and prove they’re a brilliant step-parent.

See also thread where a woman’s ex-DIL is approving her Swiss husband of 6 months adopting her teenage sons so they can inherit a share of his wealth and get Swiss residency.

I thjnk they would be covered. Egg donor babies are legally the babies of the egg recipients. No court would dis-include them.

It reads like we're talking a LOT of money here... Certainly in the low hundreds of thousands.
Personally, I'd go with the professional advice from someone who has all the information to hand, who has spent actual time thinking about it, and does this sort of thing for a living. Not taking the opinion of every Joan Bloggs on here, who has read your opinion for 30 seconds, and has no experience of their own.

I met my partner when my eldest was 8 months old. We have been together for many years, but never married. We had three more children together. Eldest has been raised as a full sibling, not a half one. They are viewed as our DC and as a DGC by partner's parents. Sperm donor has never been on the scene.

Assuming my partner was your DC, under the conditions of your foundation, none of our children would benefit.

we are suppose to have ideas to discuss on Tuesday so just wanted some ideas and myself and husband have been discussing issues many pp have mentioned.

My first thought was that you wouldn’t include step children in a will (or only for small amounts/sentimental values etc….) So why would you include stepchildren in your set up?
Because what you’re doing is basically setting up something to hand over wealth before your death right?

And I think you might want to review the DNA stuff too.
My first reaction is was to be horrified at the idea that one would have to prove paternity.
But then, what if theres cheating involved and one of the children think theyre the father when they’re not?
What if they fathered a child out of marriage but only learned about it much later on?

But what is wrong with that? That's wonderful for those children to have that security. Not sure how that could possible be seen as a bad thing. It could only be done in situations where the child's bio parent is either dead or so completely uninvolved in their child's life that they are happy for them to be adopted.

And that is the issue with the standard ideas of family and the sort of situation I want to avoid whilst not opening our family up to the abuse previous posters have highlighted. As in my minds eye all your DC should benefit from the access to school fees gaps years etc. And the very issue I am struggling with

The more you think about it the harder it gets- we just have girls as children which is easier but we have to plan.

Proving paternity is simply and easy and is clear and easy to understand. I don’t think anyone would argue about it. The thing abkut anything like this is that the rules have the be very very clear and easy to follow. Once you get into unclear vague territory such as ‘children of’ then the lawyers get involved and then the money go to them rather than the beneficiaries. Best to put in provisions such as DNa tests with exception for legal adoption and then it is clear

We have been discussing this 50% of the time idea so thank you.

I think you have to exclude step children. This is sad if a step child has been raised as a bio child from a very young age. BUT there are too many situations where there could be ALOT of step children. Families are messy but I think the advice given is sensible (apart from adopted children. To me they should be included)

And the other side of the coin are the potential tension created by having to ‘prove’ the child is theirs….

Its a very thorny issue

I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it.

I’m saying there are people who would get married and adopt step-children as a quick means of getting security for their children / step-children.

If the company survives for another, say, 200 years. How would things then change for the foundation as times did? There must be a way?

I think I’d leave DSC out, I say that as a SM who loves DSC dearly, but it’s too complicated if people separate, remarry, people could come into the family age 40 that are technically SC.

I would look into if there’s a way to change things once it’s in place though…what is a family member went off the rails, etc

Well that could open up a whole can of worms! What happens if the “bio” children turn out to have the wrong “bio” ? Will they then count as step children or will there be a completely new category of family membership created for your little cuckoos?

But it sounds like the OP isn’t in the UK, and if the trust stipulates DNA testing then it would end up having to go to court and might not win. It could be that the judge takes the view that the OP specifically only wants biological descendants to benefit, otherwise she wouldn’t have added the clause.

109% for adopted children and if this the UK it would be the default assumption. And I get the sentiment but the story of the poster above with 4 children all raised as siblings that would be so awful to exclude a child raised as a full sibling to he excluded. Maybe we discuss either him discretionary options to enable someone who benefits to acknowledge a child whilst living with the other parent etc subject to advisors support.

Thank you for saying that. ❤️
It upsets me greatly when I read posts by GPs who have been in children's lives since they were babies, but still treat them differently.

At the same time, I agree that a child that becomes a step- child at 15 years of age and sees both parental families is a different matter.

It's very complicated. I hope you manage to find a wording that suits all eventualities.

So what about adopted children who have exactly the same legal rights as bio ? How about kids born via egg or sperm donation who wont have the same dna ?

No we aren’t in the UK and I need to ask him this specific issue to ensure we are not just assuming- as thinking about my daughter using a donor egg there is no way I would want this child excluded. I feel like I want to say something really nebulous like ”a child loved as family” but the lawyers would have a heart attack!

I am with those who think that you should accept the professional advice, even though it seems harsh to you.

It is what we pay the advisor for but it was this sort of situation I wanted to plan for - so a much loved child is not excluded because I didn’t think something through. I just think he wants more strict stipulations than actually suits what we want.

Thanks and it may well be the most sensible advice

Yes many of the issues in my head.