AIBU to think my friend is being weird about a book she says I borrowed

[Pettyargument]

A few weeks ago I caught up with my friend ‘Ruth’ we’ve known each other for more than 30 years. We were talking about books and she said I’ll never lend you a book again as years ago you borrowed a book from me and you never gave it back (as in more than 10 years ago). She said she couldn’t remember the name of the book but it still annoyed her and she’s never forgotten about it. Obviously as she couldn’t remember the name of the book I had no recollection of this but it could well have been possible so I said if it is true then I’m sorry. She just said well it’s definitely true.

So today she messages me and says she’s remembers the name of the book and if I have it can I give it back. It doesn’t look remotely familiar or like the kind of book I’d want to read. I replied and said sorry it doesn’t look at all familiar and I’ve definitely never read it. She’s just replied and said well you definitely took it but oh well. I’ve not relied because what is there to say to that?

I know it’s not a major in the scheme of things and as my name says it’s a petty argument but

Am I not being unreasonable to think it’s just a bit weird and overly intense for a book potentially borrowed years and years ago?

or

I am being unreasonable and it’s understandable she’s annoyed and I should maybe apologise properly or even offer to replace the book. I mean as I said to her initially it’s not outside of the realms of possibility that I borrowed a book and didn’t give it back.

I can see myself accepting a book off someone out of politeness I had no interest in. Knowing I wouldn't read it. Then could easily imagine forgetting years later. But as the lender of the book I'd either ask for it back in a timely fashion or just forget about it.

Often people don't want books back they've already read anyway? But you don't even have it so the whole thing is definitely weird. She must have confused you with someone else?

I remember my books and those who didn’t return them, and I never loan to them again.

I wouldn’t say that directly, or demand they search their bookshelves but maybe I just haven’t hit that phase of menopause yet.

For anyone slightly more interested in the book than the drama, here it is on Internet Archive

(Although I’m also here for other people’s CF stories. The tent one in particular is giving me the rage.)

She sounds petty.

I lent a friend £20 when I was on gap year and she never paid me back. She was from a wealthy background and I wasn’t. I haven’t forgotten, but I felt it made me petty at the time so I never asked for it. And we aren’t friends anyway.

I think it’s a poor reflection on your friend tbh to have made a fuss about a long forgotten book.

Sounds a bit pathetic and it would piss me off her being so petty about it!

But then they question you as to why you accepted it in the first place, if you weren't interested - conveniently forgetting that they had pushed it on to you in spite of your protestations. Some people - even adults - can get so upset and take it personally when people whom they love don't remotely share their passions.

It's the equivalent of when your Nan persistently offers you a plate of cakes that look horrible, or you're not hungry/don't think they're worth the calories - but you can see her looking crestfallen if you decline, so you take one anyway. The difference there being that she won't ask for the cake back a month later, though...!

I suppose people can be genuine friends but also still have 'weak spots' and irritations; none of us is perfect.

This!

For decades I thought a record I'd lent to my brother-in-law hadn't been returned. He died recently and it's turned up in my reasonably small collection. I'm gobsmacked!

That could work well, actually, if you feign interest in the book but add that Rover always finds books in the house and inevitably tears them to pieces with his powerful fangs, so you'd hate that to happen with somebody else's property. No need to mention that Rover is actually your pet stick insect!

No dont do that! A true friend would believe you. And get a copy herself if she’s that bothered

I have similarly lent and not got back. And prob borrowed and not returned. Id not raise it decades later. I just dont lend anything unless I'm prepared never to see it again!

Wow! So does that mean you were mistaken all along; or that the person who sorted through his stuff found it, remembered that he'd borrowed it from you half a lifetime ago and slipped it back into your collection, embarrassed on his behalf and without wanting to bring it up?!

I once borrowed and returned a book from a person whom I considered a good friend. She then proceeded to say that I hadn't returned it, I really have no idea where it went. I distinctly remember giving it back to her. It put me off her quite a lot that she thought I was lying about it.

For the sake of a 30 year friendship, I'd just hop on Amazon and order her a copy to be sent to her house.
Weird of her to be so bothered by it though, and especially not to have mentioned it up until now.

I’d buy it, give it to her, and make it clear it wasn’t the original. I’d be inclined to be kind as you said she is stressed.

I had a friend blurt out 2 years after the event, that I had eaten all of the side dish he had made, that was meant to be shared between the two of us. It was a small dish, we were dishing up separately (brunch), I assumed it was just for me. Not much I could do about that one, couldn’t exactly offer him half a dish of scrambled eggs two years later. Did make me see him a bit differently tbh, had no idea he was that petty.

Maybe there’s something tucked inside the book.

Maybe there’s something tucked inside the book.