AIBU to think my friend is being weird about a book she says I borrowed

[Pettyargument]

A few weeks ago I caught up with my friend ‘Ruth’ we’ve known each other for more than 30 years. We were talking about books and she said I’ll never lend you a book again as years ago you borrowed a book from me and you never gave it back (as in more than 10 years ago). She said she couldn’t remember the name of the book but it still annoyed her and she’s never forgotten about it. Obviously as she couldn’t remember the name of the book I had no recollection of this but it could well have been possible so I said if it is true then I’m sorry. She just said well it’s definitely true.

So today she messages me and says she’s remembers the name of the book and if I have it can I give it back. It doesn’t look remotely familiar or like the kind of book I’d want to read. I replied and said sorry it doesn’t look at all familiar and I’ve definitely never read it. She’s just replied and said well you definitely took it but oh well. I’ve not relied because what is there to say to that?

I know it’s not a major in the scheme of things and as my name says it’s a petty argument but

Am I not being unreasonable to think it’s just a bit weird and overly intense for a book potentially borrowed years and years ago?

or

I am being unreasonable and it’s understandable she’s annoyed and I should maybe apologise properly or even offer to replace the book. I mean as I said to her initially it’s not outside of the realms of possibility that I borrowed a book and didn’t give it back.

The danger of buying another copy to "return" is that it might be noticed.

Then what ?

That's a shame.
I would have sent her a copy (ideally 2nd hand) and enclosed a note to say you'd found this and wanted to gift it to her as were thinking of her and you value her friendship.

I think messaging her to tell her you were going to buy her a copy "as she was clearly bothered by it" could come across as PA.

And doesn't leave either of you anywhere to go, her possibly still a little resentful about a book that you may or may not have borrowed, you that she has made such a fuss about a book.

As you say, none of this may actually be about a book.

This 100%. I do understand the irritation that comes with not getting a book back, but mentioning something ten years on and clearly being irritated (and maybe irrational) means she is stressed perhaps and could do with some counselling!

I let a friend borrow my Red Hot Chili Peppers CD, and she decided to give it to a guy she knew. I just managed to get it back before he moved to another state. I couldn’t believe she let someone else borrow something that didn’t even belong to her.

As an aside OP, it’s a really good book. You should buy the one you were going to buy and read it!

Unbelievable that she would just give it away, give it away, give it away now…

😂By the way, I tried to say… that wasn’t yours to give away.

I bet she's found it and thought "oh shit I had a go at Petty for nothing"

Buy a copy of the book and give it too her. Then step away from the friendship. She has held that grudge for far too long.

Neither a borrower nor a lender be.

I once loaned a book to someone and never got it back. It was out of print and it’s taken me 30 years to stumble across a copy on eBay. If you can replace it please do. Or is the friendship not work the price of a paperback?

We've moved past your "buy her one" and your PA last sentence @FriendlyGreenAlien - read the OP's update at 06:01 today.

I see that you've heard back from her and she's said don't worry about it.
Hopefully you can now close that chapter (pun intended)

(I bet she's found it - I think she was a over the top about it, hope she doesn't do that to you again)

Thanks @Bollihobs. I presume you’ll address everyone else who said buy the book and take them to task individually?!

Maybe she just remembered who actually borrowed the book.

That was my grandmothers motto she lived by.

And why she got sacked as a librarian.

🤣🤣🤣🤣 I'm also a librarian - I think that's why we remember the quotation

Could she either have got you mixed up with someone else or would she actually be gaslighting you?

I would be really quite fed up with her attitude.

If I were your friend I would expect you to have careful look at home, just in case, and it would reassure me.
So I would look around and then txt her that you didn’t remember taking this book but you did had a look just in case and it’s not there.

Some people get territorial over their books! Twenty years ago a colleague I’d known a few years lent me a book. After a week she demanded it back! I told her I hadn’t finished it yet and could I return it in a month?! She said I needed to return it asap! I ended up returning it the next day and buying my own copy! She was bat shit crazy over this book. It made me see her differently for sure!

My theory for this is that the teen daughter lost or damaged the book herself and you were the scapegoat!

@WhyArePeopleAnnoying very possible.

I have a friend who 20 years ago borrowed a not cheap book. I loaned it to her, no-one else. She returned it telling me she loaned it to a friend who had spilled coffee all over it. The book was wrecked. If she asked to borrow a book, yes, I'd bring it up in explanation as to why I wasn't going to lend it to her all these years later.

Thank you for making me laugh, I've got a stressful day ahead of me and that's really made me chuckle 😂

@Pettyargument
Just posting to say thank you OP - I'd never heard of this book before, but out of curiosity I looked it up on Amazon and bought the Kindle version for a few pounds. I really enjoyed reading it and am looking forward to reading it again in the future (later events in the book cast the earlier events in a whole new light).
Apparently it's an overlooked classic of New Zealand literature. So, thanks.