Are we being unreasonable not to buy my sister's stepdaughter a car and insurance

[SheLovesThat]

My sister has 2 sons who have both passed their driving test in the last few years. My mum bought them both a car each and I paid for their first year of insurance.

My sister also has a step daughter who has just passed her test. My mum and I both sent a congratulations card with £100 in but my sister was surprised that we are not doing the same for her step daughter as we have with her sons and is now giving us the silent treatment.

The girl has been my sisters step daughter since she was 7and is now 18. She lives with her mum half of the time so we don’t see as much of her. My sister said we should treat her the same.

My mum spent about £12000 each on the cars. The insurance has cost me about £2000 each so not small amounts of money and I’m shocked my sister would expect the same for her step daughter.

Are we being unreasonable?

We bought our kids driving lessons, cars, and paid the first years insurance. That’s pretty normal amongst their peer group. Both at uni, and both have part time jobs. We were able to get them modest but safe and appropriate first cars. Left to his own devices, my DS would have come home with a banjaxed 1977 Ford Capri or a clapped out ‘vintage’ Porsche that he picked up for the ‘bargain’ price of £800 😂

Maybe your sister is getting hassle from her husband, about why his daughter isn’t getting a car. If so, she can now hopefully point out why his parents and siblings don’t treat her own sons the same as his daughter.
If that is the case ….

Edited. Sorry I pressed send before finishing! 🙃

Do you think your sister made an BIG assumption and told her SD that she would be getting a car and is now embarrassed and taking it out on you and your mother? That is a lesson for her to learn.

It could be that she’s getting hassle from her husband, but if she is, she’s going along with it instead of telling him to stop being rude and thinking he can spend our money.

Well if she is, she needs to tell you.
Because I would want to know this and I would be avoiding him in future.

She owes you an apology, the cheek of her!

It seems to me that they were expecting the same grand gesture for their step daughter so didn't think they'd have to fork out for these things and now that it's come to light that you won't be doing that, they're scrambling because they don't have the means to do so. Their fault for assuming.

Ask your Sister why DSD Auntie & Grandma didn't buy her boys a car or pay for insurance. They wouldn't have because her boys aren't their blood relatives & it wouldn't have been expected, so why is it expected that her boys Auntie & Grandma buy DSD a car or pay for insurance for her. I'm sure DSD has other family that she'll get gifts from that your Nephews haven't received anything from.

What "logic"? You're not using any logic here at all. There's no logical reason why the nephews should vanish from OP's life - whereas she has already experienced one of her sister's stepchildren vanishing from her life.

It's a bit tragic to describe someone as being rude when all they've done is point out the very obvious flaw in your comment.

No she isn't. I made the comment and @InterIgnis understood it perfectly.

I had to get a bank loan. Way to start my young working life, already in debt.

My niece has just passed her test. Her parents bought her a car. If and when my DS passes his, we will get him a car. It’s not that unusual.if we can afford it, why wouldn’t we?

OP, YANBU. Your sister is being a CF, as is her husband. He can buy his DD a car, or ask his own family to do so.

I said the comment was rude because it was, it contained a number of expletives and was deleted, I suspect you received a short ban given how long it has taken for you to come back here and post in return.

Again if you cannot see the context I cannot help you. But I hope you have a nice day.

You suspect wrong. I do occasionally spend my time on things other than Mumsnet, you know.

Which, by the way, allows the use of "expletives", as you so coyly put it.

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