Husband not happy with me working from home undertaking calls.

[ThisTealWarrior]

Hi all so my job role involves some court hearing. When I work from home and need to attend a hearing I usually do into the kitchen as there is a plain background rather then in the rest of the house with signs of family life behind. Now this morning I said to my husband I’ve got a hearing, not sure how long so avoid the kitchen while door is closed. About an hour into it just as I am speaking he comes into the room. He can hear me talking. If that was me I would think ok I’ll hang on a minute until she finishes. Instead he come in and starts making a drink! I’m indicating to him to leave the room. 10 minutes later there is a short break. I call to him to say come and make your drink I’ve got a 10 minutes break. I said to him he could see j was talking he could have just waited a short time. He says it’s his home and kitchen he should be able to make a drink when he wants. I can go somewhere else in the house and I shouldn’t be working at home performing sanatic rituals! And that I’m being horrible. I don’t even work from home. Yes my contract isn’t home based but it is easier at times, saves travel etc.

am I being unreasonable? Or is he? It’s only an hour or so. Yes I could could to an office at work but it means booking a room which isn’t available. He also works from home upstairs in the spare room, I never go in the room when he is working let alone if he was on an important call.

And I bet he had a smirk on his face when he walked in…….

He's deliberately sabotaging your job/career. He's likely also punishing you for daring to WFH...as he prefers having the house to himself all day every day.

Anyone who thinks you are unreasonable couldn't possibly have read OP's comments. She only uses the kitchen for this for one hour per month! It would be completely different if she was commandeering the kitchen for 40hours per week to work.

Your DH sounds like an utter arse OP, I can only assume there are many other issues in this marriage?

He clearly has no respect for you.

I get this as I’ve been there. During Covid our office was closed and the team I work within were all then home based. My DH was furloughed and at home all day. I tried working in the dining room but he didn’t want me in there. I didn’t go in the living room or kitchen as the work I do is directly with service users and we need confidentiality.
So I tried using our bedroom, he didn’t need to use the bedroom and then would just barge in at all times for no reason. Once it was to put a hoodie on the bed and he NEVER tidies up, it is always me going round putting stuff away. I was in the middle of a Teams meeting then.
Finally cleared a space in a boxroom for my IT equipment and moved in there. He would still barge in and he could clearly hear I was on a call. Once he decided to come in holding a cup of tea whilst having a very loud conversation on his phone with a friend. I was on a Safeguarding call at the time and I can count on the fingers of one hand how many times he has made me a cup of tea.
Finally I got a lock put on the box room door so he can’t get in. He now resorts to having very loud conversations outside the door of the room. I think it is attention seeking behaviour.

He sounds truly unpleasant OP. My sympathies. He could easily stock up on drinks prior to your hearing starting. He should be offering you his office when you have hearings. If he doesn't make a point of entering his office whilst he is on a call. Afterall, whats good for the goose is good for the gander, and I am sure you have very important documents in that room you need to access as a matter of urgency ...

I don't think you are unreasonable at all, we have an office set up in a spare bedroom but often one of us will use the dining room for teams calls.
It's about respect and the principle, I would never just walk in when my husband was on a teams call, especially not when I would be in the camera view!
Especially as you haven't been well, he could've easily waited one hour to make a drink or something to eat.
Why not suggest next time you can use his office instead if it's such a problem.

Try reading her comments, she clearly explains why. And baring in mind this is only for around one hour per month, this really shouldn't be an issue for him.

But the guy's clearly a twat.

Honestly why are you with this person, he just sounds so inconsiderate. I genuinely cannot fathom what he achieves in behaving like that?
I hope he is amazing in other areas as I don't think I could look past this.

What an utter arsehole. I couldn't stay married to an utter twat like him. Feel for you, you must be a saint to put up with him.

You need to set up a space in a private area of the house. If the background just doesn’t work, you can suspend a curtain or put up a free-standing screen.

I'd be telling him you'll be using his office if he can't accommodate your work calls. His work isn't more important than yours therefore you are entitled to the office space too.

I honestly don't think any work calls should mean that others are barred from using the kitchen.

It's a shared resource and everyone should have the right to get food or drink in their own house when they choose. Presumably they paid their share of the mortgage/rent, the utilities, for the food?

Either others can subtly use it while you do the calls or you need to go elsewhere. Obviously they shouldn't start talking to you, making noises that render call inaudible etc. But grabbing a snack, making tea, etc is alright?

A four story house and you have no other room you can work in than the kitchen? Sorry but he may be a prick but surely you can find somewhere else to work

It’s ONE HOUR. If my neighbour asked me to leave my house for one hour a month I could do that for them, let alone for a partner

I’d have got a divorce before a lock on door. It’s not difficult to understand you are working. I work upstairs, dh in garden office and neither interrupt the other.

Could he have a kettle and a little fridge in his home office?

Then maybe you need to occasionally

Freemasons! I think stonemasons are in the clear.

I'm sorry but I find you highly unprofessional. I'm very surprised the judge didn't ask you who was in the room with you. You are breaching confidentiality and if a solicitor your approach conjures up all sorts of issues.

I can understand why employers require staff to go into the office if this is a general illustration of behaviour . . .

He doesn’t respect you or your job. You need to commandeer a room with a lock on it and have it locked at all times.

In this room you hang a sheet behind you.

He is deliberately being awkward.
Both me and dh occasionally work from home. Dh prefers to be in the dining area which is open plan to the kitchen. He let's me know when its happening snd for how long so I can plan around it. Ill make a drink before he starts. We usually use the door at the side of the house to go in or out but because it opens on to the kitchen ill use yhe front foor if I want to go out.

I prefer to use yhe living room for wfh. Dh will make himself scarce.
Absolutely no problems. We respect what tbe other is doing.

No because then he does not have the excuse he needs to use the kitchen when his wife is on an important work call.

Let's be clear, this isn't about him being thirsty and needing a brew, he's deliberately sabotaging her job because he has no respect for her and is punishing her for working from home once per month.

I get this as I’ve been there. During Covid our office was closed and the team I work within were all then home based. My DH was furloughed and at home all day. I tried working in the dining room but he didn’t want me in there. I didn’t go in the living room or kitchen as the work I do is directly with service users and we need confidentiality.
So I tried using our bedroom, he didn’t need to use the bedroom and then would just barge in at all times for no reason. Once it was to put a hoodie on the bed and he NEVER tidies up, it is always me going round putting stuff away. I was in the middle of a Teams meeting then.
Finally cleared a space in a boxroom for my IT equipment and moved in there. He would still barge in and he could clearly hear I was on a call. Once he decided to come in holding a cup of tea whilst having a very loud conversation on his phone with a friend. I was on a Safeguarding call at the time and I can count on the fingers of one hand how many times he has made me a cup of tea.
Finally I got a lock put on the box room door so he can’t get in. He now resorts to having very loud conversations outside the door of the room. I think it is attention seeking behaviour.
That's just nasty.
He really foes not respect you and likes makingbuou look unprofessional.
What a twat!

Of course his work is more important than hers, he out-earns her, and reminds his dear wife at every given opportunity.

Divorce is much easier. Then you can work from wherever you like without idiots and control freaks around you!

It's your job, your income, & he would prefer you to lose time (& money) booking & commuting to an office because Mr Big Balls can't wait for an hour for a coffee? What is it with this immediate gratification now?
Could he have a small fridge or thermos of milk, a kettle & coffee up on his level,?or is it really more about dominance & deliberately sabotaging your job?
If you set up somewhere else, do it in a bedroom where you can lock the door, because he will still wander in deliberately.

He is not a toddler, he can wait a short while for a drink.
I think he is a total wanker